The Messiness of Life
by Victoria G
Summary: A Shizuru-centric AU, which begins with the first time she meets Natsuki. Eventually Shiznat.
1. Rebellion, Yuuichi, and Fuuka

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Description: **As I would say about all of the fics I write, this is not really about anything in particular. In general ff terms, it is mostly a Shizuru-centric AU, which begins with the first time she meets Natsuki. Characters are explored as they emerge and their stories are tied in.  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes and foul-mouthed characters.  
**Author's Note:** Each chapter will consist of three parts, a "Narrative" done from the point of view of Shizuru, a "Digression" which explores another character, and an "Aside" which is drabble. Additionally, for sanity's sake italicized and bold-faced dialogue will represent words spoken in English, whereas all other dialogue is spoken in Japanese. It is tentatively slated for 25 chapters.  
**Author's Side Note:** I do realize that I've set up the story as though healthcare systems, medical training, and hospital hierarchy are the same in Japan as in America. I also acknowledge the ethnocentrism inherent in doing this. You write what you know I suppose, no offense was meant.

**Narrative #1: Every Rebellion**  
**Date: August 22, 2013 … a Thursday**

I took a seat on the shuttle that ran between Fuuka Hospital's main campus and the building housing the administrative offices. It was raining lightly outside and unseasonably cool. I didn't mind either of the two, but I found some comfort in the dry warmth of the air inside the small bus. Due to the slowness of our interoffice mail system, I had taken it upon myself to bring over a few documents concerning the research study I had been overseeing. Between the study subjects and my residents, it had been unusually busy. Overall, I was quite pleased with the progress my new group was making. They were intelligent, dutiful, and eager…all I could ask for in a student. There was that look on their faces already though… the sort of blind worshipful look that seemed to grow older each time that I saw it. It was flattering and tiresome in the same breath. Today I had enjoyed the rare chance to once again run a case myself. My eyes dropped to the window where thin slashes of rain streaked across the acrylic panels. The tired machine jerked to a stop and I watched as a woman with dark hair, jumped through the doors. She gave a curt nod to the driver, nearly throwing herself into the seat, swinging a satchel from around her shoulder onto the empty space beside her. The forceful way she moved caught my attention. The fact that she was absolutely gorgeous held it. I let myself take in the sight of her, indulging my curiosity.

She sat in the corner seat, long legs crossed at the thigh, her tight black jeans ending just above a pair of sneakers. They surprised me because I hadn't seen a pair like that in some time… white leather, rubber toe, deep purple stripes up the side, incredibly clean…as if she paid attention to their state. She wore what looked like a fitted, waist length military jacket, the zipper of which came across at a diagonal. It was an unusual shade of blue, almost indigo, the off-white hood of a knit sweater hanging outside the collar. A set of silver headphones wrapped behind her head, ended in thin metal earpieces resembling lightning bolts and lead to a phone she was fiddling with. The ear that I could see, the left, was pierced four times. Her black hair was gathered loosely, strands falling around her face. The eyes that stared down at the screen in her hand were impossibly green. She was silently but clearly conveying that she had no interest in interaction of any kind with a deliberateness that intrigued me. I felt ridiculous as my heart beat strongly against my chest. I was far too old for crushes, especially such sudden ones.

I looked down at my purse, slipping out the book I had been reading, opening to the page that my bookmark lay against. I read the same sentence five times, not once understanding it, before I sighed, closing my eyes. Against my better judgment I allowed myself another look in her direction. One arm rested on top of the bag beside her, fingers on her left hand dangling, a rather nice watch hanging from a thin wrist. Her head was turned, and my gaze followed the lines of her neck as she stared out the windshield. I saw the tip of a tattoo beneath her hairline… the back of her sweater preventing me from being able to guess what it was. She was every rebellion I could think of rolled into the prettiest package I'd ever seen. I was actually pleased she never looked my way because my impulse would have been to smile and I wasn't entirely certain how that would have been received.

When we stopped, I waited deliberately for her to rise, before I stood up. I thanked the driver on the way out. I watched her stalk, there wasn't a better word for how she was walking, through the revolving glass into the entryway. My eyes stayed on her even as we waited a few paces away from one another for the elevator. She had yet to even look in my direction, which made me smile. To have avoided it this long already, indicated it was intentional. As the elevator doors opened, she paused for a moment, flipping her hair unnecessarily and then moving inside. I stepped in as well. The steady tap of some drumbeat poured distractingly from her headphones in the confined space.

"Can I press a floor for you?" I asked and she made no discernable response. It was very possible she couldn't hear me. As I depressed white circle labeled '5', quite suddenly she was next to me, pressing the button below. I turned my body to remove myself from in front of the panel, which resulted in her brushing my side and us standing rather close.

The beautiful woman stared at me so boldly with those gorgeous eyes that it, oddly enough, rendered me shy. For lack of a better response I smiled, to which she responded by making a completely baffling expression composed of a single concerned eyebrow, a single surprised eyebrow, and a slightly curled lip. My only recourse was to continue smiling, to which she responded by ignoring me completely and retreating to the back corner.

We did not look at one another for the duration of the ride up, whatever small talk I would have made blocked by her blasting music. When the elevator stopped and she stepped out, she turned the volume up impossibly higher. With the levels she had reached, it surprised me to note there was no blood trickling from her ears. Before the door closed, I was mildly surprised to see her embrace an older, thin man with an afro who I vaguely recognized as the head of the research laboratories. I felt to some degree foolish for thinking so much on a girl I would likely never see again and showed no interest in me. I shook my head at myself as the metal doors closed in front of me. It amused me that I was so shaken by the sight of an angry, albeit attractive, stranger.

**Digression #1: Tate Yuuichi**  
**Date: April 14, 2012 ... a Saturday**

"Kuga, what's in these boxes?" Tate Yuuichi's voice was strained as he hauled in yet another box, that like the three he had already carried, was close to unliftably heavy.

"Books." She answered gruffly, from the doorway where she was struggling to push a small sofa through with another woman whose gritted teeth and livid stare were starting to scare him.

"What do you want with so many books?" He asked between puffs of air, as beads of sweat broke across his forehead.

"To…uh… Nao lift it up!... read them…"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing? Why don't you goddamn look first, you're crushing me with it!"

"I'm not… watch it! You're gonna tear it."

"I'm not gonna tear it, you clumsy idiot! Turn it." With a wary glance, he took the extra steps to the side door, placing the box down in the living room and wiping at his face with his shirtsleeve. Those two girls together would be the death of him.

"I AM TURNING IT!" Soft brown eyes peered around a half wall as a loud thump echoed, followed by a sharp cry. "…IDIOT! YOU DROPPED IT ON MY FOOT!" He couldn't see the dark-haired woman because she was still outside, but he could imagine the expression of outrage, the one that turned her from pretty to terrifying in an instant.

"I told you to turn it, pup." The redheaded woman was taunting her. Why did the girl always have to do that when Natsuki was already angry? Like a schoolboy taunting a girl he liked because he didn't know what else to do with himself. It was annoying, because he'd be the one who had to deal with the consequences of it. "With those mannish arms, you'd think you'd be able to handle a fucking couch…" Oh boy.

"Kuga, let me and Takumi get the couch." The suggestion was meant to be helpful.

"OI TATE, STAY OUT OF IT!" His eyebrows shot up. If there was one thing he found completely unpredictable, it was women. He was a solution-oriented person. If there was a problem, he would fix it. The couch was stuck; he could fix that. With women though it was never about the couch being stuck. It was about things he saw as unconnected, things that never entered his mind when looking at the couch. It was apparently about respecting her as a person, or him not believing she was capable, or if her mood was right about the state of an entire relationship. Even Natsuki, who was so much less like that than the others he had met, still could manage to twist things around him like noose. He sighed, looking at the ceiling… one time… one time he wanted it to just be about the couch. Running a hand through short brown spikes, he released a frustrated grunt. In his younger days, when he dyed his hair that silly orange-blonde, when hers had dark blue streaks and both of their tempers were much shorter, he would have stomped off, stopped helping, but he had more patience now… or was resigned to this sort of craziness.

"Fine." He wandered back toward the truck. In ten minutes he expected the couch to be sitting abandoned in the doorway. In ten minutes he expected the two girls to say nothing about it and start moving boxes in the side door. In ten minutes he would find Takumi and they would move the couch in. In fifteen minutes it would never be spoken of again. In the meantime, back to those god-awful, back-breaking books.

"What are they doing over there?" A nervous voice sounded from inside the truck. A slim young man was moving boxes, trying to dig out a coffee table for them to put their lunch on.

"Getting a couch stuck in the doorway." He answered, smiling roguishly at the knowing look in the other's eyes. He did not have to ask if his assistance would be welcome as they pulled the piece of wooden furniture out together, easily placing it on the grass, where they both sat on its top for a minute to catch their breath.

Tate sipped from a bottle of water he'd left on the truck, noting the off-white sofa was still lodged in the front door, but both women had departed. "You feel okay?" He asked casually, listening to the respirations from the boy…man now, beside him. It was habit for all of them, to see to Takumi. His shortness of breath had improved after the transplant surgery, but still, all of them thought about it, remembered seeing him gasping on the ground, clutching his chest when an attack seized him.

"Yeah." He smiled without meaning it, as he always did when they asked that question.

"We should get that couch inside."

The thin man laughed. "Yup."

The angle was the problem, but by flipping the entire piece on end, they were able to edge it inside. They made short work of bringing it into the living room where Nao sat throwing distasteful glances at what looked like the pieces of some sort of television stand and swatting at Natsuki's beloved dog as he kept trying to crawl into her lap.

He said nothing when he walked out of the room, but being useful, feeling useful relaxed him. As he passed around the corner to the foyer, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see green eyes looking up at him. Her brows were knit together in a worried expression. "Sorry." She said quietly, standing on tiptoe to plant a quick kiss on his lips, her soft hand on his neck.

He smiled at her and squeezed her other hand where it hung by her hip. "I like your arms Kuga." Her cheeks turned the faintest shade of pink and she looked away, as she always did when anything resembling a compliment was said to her. She did manage a half-smile before they parted, and he walked back outside. In one more year, she'd be moving into her mother's house permanently. She'd sat on the property since she inherited it at the age of 18. Funny that all it took was her sister, Alyssa, starting school in Japan next year to finally convince her to use it.

They'd been together six years officially; it had almost as long as that to wear her down in the first place. They'd made it through her attending an exchange program in England... seeing each other only sparingly, when vacations allowed. It hadn't felt real till she'd moved back. Even if they were still a train ride away from each other, it was close enough for now.

He wondered at the fact that she still seemed surprised by kisses, even those she initiated. She had told him before that his face felt scratchy, but even when he just shaved, the reception was only a little more favorable. They called each other by their last names more often than not. It had evolved into a term of endearment. They'd known each other since they were 12 after all.

He'd never been scared of her the way the other boys were. She was different than the other girls, he noticed it almost immediately. She didn't care about who liked who and what this one said. She was more practical, more logical, more like him, even if she was a bit hostile at first. It didn't last. They'd protected each other, confided in each other, and been each other's only real friend until their circle began to gather, until Mai and Nao.

It didn't change until their senior year in high school, when he woke up like any other day and walked into his history class. She was sitting at her desk, the sunlight playing in her hair and he noticed something. His best friend, now full of piercings and attitude, was gorgeous. It hit him like a brick, and then like a truck when she looked his way. She had slapped him when he kissed her the first time, hard in fact… so hard that he still remembered the sting that burned all the way from his neck to his eye…but then things slowly started to fall into place for them, very slowly, five years of slowly. There were wrenches sure… Shiho for one. She'd been quite a large wrench too, not as large as she'd been with him and Mai, but a problem still. Natsuki had dealt with Shiho so differently than Mai… Natsuki dealt with everyone differently than Mai.

They were inversions of each other in that respect. Where Mai was friendly to a fault, to the point where someone had to go out of their way to prove themselves unworthy of such kindness, Natsuki was standoffish to a fault, to the point where someone had to go out of their way to prove themselves trustworthy. Mai had tolerated Shiho's possessiveness of him, Natsuki hadn't…ever. Then there was the much smaller wrench of Takeda… and the continuously growing wrench of the tattoos and ever increasing number of piercings. They were taking over her body. She scared his mother, and he thought that covering skin like hers was a shame. He would never tell her that, but she knew anyway…she could tell, which he felt bad about. All of that aside, they'd always found their way through it.

Natsuki…theirs was not the relationship he had pictured when he first started to settle into the idea of having one in the first place. It was not home cooked meals, and noisy sex, and the comfort of her presence. There was her nice smelling hair, her softness… that she was so…so beautiful, and that as much as she tried to pretend she wasn't, Natsuki was a very thoughtful person once you won her over. More than that though, there was the undeniable fact that they liked each other as people. They cared about one another… that she never drew the line, the one divided men from women emotionally. Her expectations for him were because he was a person, only because he was a person…just loyalty, respect… never that he would treat her like a princess or pay for things or take care of her. He loved that about her… but they were not affectionate with each other in the traditional sense. She patted his back, squeezed his arm, kissed him with an embarrassed quickness, reassured him in ways that he felt were almost…confusingly friendly. She would startle or occasionally glare when he looked at her naked, had a seemingly inexhaustible reservoir of shyness… unusual for a girl with tattoos and piercings he thought… even more unusual for a girl with such a varied and extensive collection of lingerie. There were moments though that gave him hope, when she momentarily forgot her self-consciousness and those moments…every single one of them, still amazed him. It was the way she would hold his head to her chest in the rarest exchanges between them, when he could hear her heart racing… because it was proof that he affected her, at least in some minor way.

He tolerated the shyness, was compassionate about it…to a point. He had his own insecurities and hers nurtured his. He started to hurt over it, quietly and only every once in awhile. The affection in her beautiful eyes, in her smile helped… but… were confusing as well… because she loved him, but couldn't show that she wanted him. He didn't know if it was because she was shy or because she really didn't, it was a nagging fear…and she would not live with him. It was school she'd said, always too busy. He fingered the ring in his pocket, the one he kept on him at all times now…because some part of Tate believed if it was exactly the right time Natsuki would say 'yes' and he wanted to be ready. She'd said 'no' the first time. Things would change for them, he was sure of it, that's what marriage did. If they got married she would finally let him take care of her once in awhile even if she didn't expect it, provide in some way. For as long as he'd known her Natsuki had needed no one… still needed no one. Everyone needed someone, didn't they? And he needed her. All this was her way, he rationalized… the girl had always been difficult to figure out. One thing she'd always needed was lots of time and he was not a quitter, and he cared, so he stayed.

"Alright, who's hungry?" He watched Mai pulling some bags out of her car and jogged over to help her with them. "Oh, thanks." She startled as he took them from her, not because she was surprised, but because it was him. She always startled when it was him, was different in a way he couldn't pinpoint.

"Yeah, no problem." He answered. There was something about the redhead that crawled under his skin and made a home there since the first time they'd met. A sort of angry tickle that wouldn't go away no matter how hard he pushed at it. Sometimes it felt like every word they spoke to each other was sarcastic, or misplaced, or was so awkward that it was barely worth speaking… and then other times it was like they spoke a language only the two of them understood. It was that part which led to their tumultuous and very short-lived relationship when they were both sixteen. They had even argued over who was dumping who when they ended it after just three months. They did not get along, and they got along well, they could barely stand each other and yet they were friends. They walked toward the house a set distance away, their special brand of tension like an invisible wall between them.

**Aside #1: Non-Profits and a Brief History of Fuuka Hospital **_(Background)_

Fuuka Hospital was small but well positioned in a wealthy section of the country. It was built by a Catholic Parish in the early part of the 1930s and staffed for several decades largely by nuns. The convent was still nearby. The hospital's handsome, gothic facade looked out of place among the other architecture of the region. The steepled points of the attached chapel, jutted out from the valley in which it was situated like a pair of wolf's ears. Unfortunately, due to a lack of sufficient donations the building fell into disrepair and by the 1980s was nearly unusable, until it fell into the hands of First District Healthcare's Community Rehabilitation Project. In an effort to 'preserve the historical appeal' of the building, the company hired a rather eccentric young architect with a grand plan to create a 'building within a building'. The restoration was funded out of the seemingly bottomless pockets of First District Healthcare's philanthropic affiliates. As a result, the gleaming glass and steel so very typical of hospitals was revealed to be a shell when one stepped through the energy efficient revolving doors. The imposing stone of the old Fuuka Hospital was assimilated within the new design like some display in a museum. The uniqueness made the building something of a novelty and the project was by all accounts a success. Due to regional demographics, Fuuka's clientele were largely upper echelon. As such the administration handpicked their staff from an overwhelming pool of applicants, most of whom's Curriculum Vitae saw nothing but the front end of shredder. It took connections to secure a position, charm perhaps, but connections were better.

First District was an integrated healthcare system servicing the whole of Japan, or at least was established as such. Its connection to SEARRS was well buried in legalese and layered subdivisions. The company began buying up small, run-down hospitals in Japan some 30 years ago. Both First District Healthcare and the Community Rehabilitation Project were the brainchild of then up and coming Edward Searrs, a fresh 21 at the time and looking to make an impact on the family business. All the hospitals purchased by CommRehab, as it was referred to within the corporate offices, had been converted into state of the art facilities with a strong focus on medical research. SEARRS' partnership with Iwasaka Pharmaceutical ensured profit, and was in point of fact the true reason behind the creation of First District Healthcare at all. The majority of Fuuka's research studies were funded by grants from Iwasaka, whose pharmaceuticals were tested during the clinical trials. The chemistry labs, the ready pool of potential research study participants… it made the venture worth the price of maintaining First District's non-profit status.

Non-profit was an interesting business model in itself as no business could ever truly survive such a thing. Non-profit had to be profit shifted, reallocated, redirected… the books were non-profit. They funneled their finances back into research, into pharmaceuticals. As such, nearly any higher-ranking physician within the First District system was connected to the research aspect of their hospital in some way. It was either through their own pet projects, sanctioned of course by the overseers from Smith Consulting, or by running research studies with the hospital. The combination of SEARRS' financial support and a stellar marketing team, made putting the proper spin on their enterprise relatively simple. Outreach and intelligent advertising painted a portrait of a company that genuinely cared about bettering the community, rather than the real version where access to quality healthcare was a convenient side affect of smart business. SEARRS had even sporadically lent their name to donated or renovated patient buildings within the system and so the entire operation appeared the very picture of philanthropic big business.


	2. Red Wine, Haruka, and Gauderobe

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **Rated M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes and foul-mouthed characters.  
**Author's Note:** Each chapter will consist of three parts, a "Narrative" done from the point of view of Shizuru, a "Digression" which explores another character, and an "Aside" which is drabble. Additionally, for sanity's sake italicized and bold-faced dialogue will represent words spoken in English, whereas all other dialogue is spoken in Japanese. I have slated this fanfiction for 25 chapters.

******Narrative #2: Red Wine and Vanilla  
****Date: August 23, 2013 ... a Friday**

I found myself stifling a yawn, an unusual occurrence, especially in public, but I had been unable to sleep soundly last night, woken by dreams I didn't remember but left me flushed and disoriented. I tried not to be too embarrassed by my own crudeness.

The woman beside me had seen and violet-blue eyes filled with annoyance. I stopped myself from remarking upon the wrinkle it caused between her eyebrows. "How are you tired Fujino? All you do is walk around all day _'checking'_ on your residents. Some of us actually have to work…" I wasn't sure whether I understood the emphasis of the word, if she meant to imply that I was shirking my responsibilities or questioning my professionalism. I would have been offended by neither, but was curious as to which she had intended. Haruka was on her third beer, but I knew she would be able to handle at least two more before any of her faculties started to deteriorate, her mouth was an entirely different matter. We had been roommates in Medical School and in her mind rivals since the moment we'd met. I didn't particularly care which one of us was on top so to speak, but it brought me some pleasure to egg her on in the imaginary war between us.

"You are a much better fit for the position Haruka. They must have realized how much you can handle and so kept you in your current position to maintain your presence on the floor." I often wondered if she honestly failed to see through the waste that came out of my mouth or chose to ignore it. Reito was thankfully able to keep a straight face this time.

"Don't try to plicate me, bubuzuke."

"I wouldn't dream of it." I said, smiling to myself. I had never corrected her rather infamous errors in speech, I rather let myself enjoy the mental images her malapropisms created, each one unexpected and delightful. It was an acceptable substitute for the innuendo-laced teases that were so often a part of my other friendships. She would have none of it and quite honestly, I did not want to.

"How are your residents this year Shizuru?" Reito asked, lifting his bourbon, the ice clinking.

A small smile crossed both our lips as Haruka grumbled through the rest of her pint. "They're falling all over themselves like idiots around her already." I ignored the comment.

"They seem quite capable. And yours?" I asked before I sipped my wine. He was a handsome man and I could honestly say I took pleasure in his company. A trauma fellow when we did our internship, he had since moved up to attending. Both he and my former roommate knew quite clearly where my preferences fell. Reito and I had never spoken outright of the possibility that hovered between us and the reasons against it, but he had understood. We were very much the same in that respect, spoke with the same type of subtleties and euphemisms. However, there were rumors circulating about us that I liked fueling. I enjoyed the ambiguity that it bred, the freeness of behavior that it afforded me.

"Promising… some more than others of course." He waited a moment, looking pensive. "…though my new fellow…"

"The outside hire?" She asked. "I heard a few of the fifth years complaining about that, not that I blame them."

He gave a sympathetic nod. "Apparently she came quite highly recommended off her residency. The decision did not involve me, some sort of family history with the institution."

"She?" I watched the woman to my left react with shock. There were few female orthopedic surgeons, most especially in trauma. Having rotated through myself, it was apparent that it was still very much a man's world, all hammers and drills and screws and ego.

"Yes." He stared across the bar at the lines of bottles and glasses. "She was and continues to be quite a surprise." I wondered what he meant by that, though I left it alone assuming that Haruka would not.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She rolled her eyes.

"Listen Docs…" Our usual bartender leaned over the wooden counter interrupting us. Her short red hair flopped in front her light green, cat-like eyes. She had a voice that dripped with poor intentions and eyes that matched. Understandably, I liked her though I could not be certain the feeling was mutual. Reito and I seemed to infuriate her with our slow enjoyment of whatever she served us. Haruka was always at least three in before I even started my second, if I did at all. We'd been coming to this place for years now and she'd been here for nearly a year herself. _Element_ was the bar of choice for many a Fuuka Hospital employee. "Enough talking about work, it's boring."

"How are you this evening Nao-san?" Reito asked, taking another slow sip, coming close to but not quite finishing his drink.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'd be better if you two lightweights stopped taking up my prime spots." I smiled in spite of myself.

Nao-han threw a bar towel over her shoulder, glancing over at the only one of us making any progress. "What about you blondie? Ready for another?" Haruka slid her empty glass toward the smirking woman. The slim young bartender was quick in handing over a freshly poured ale with a rather suggestive wink. It was with no small amount of enjoyment, that I watched my friend's lip curl in irritation.

"Wrong tree." Haruka snapped, throwing her thumb in my direction. "Try her." I felt my smile fix itself against sudden memories. To say that she had reacted badly upon walking in on me and another girl back in college, would have been putting it mildly. I believed the things she said to me that night only because I had felt them churning inside me long before they were spoken... yet hearing them stripped of any pretense, bared and sharpened … it affected me deeply. I'd never openly admitted that to her, nor would I ever. Despite the truth of it, at the time I had been angry with her. I suppose it was more about having her finger thrust in my face… but anger was an emotion I preferred to leave alone. It must have been my particular chemistry that allowed such feelings to concentrate into cruel indifference with an upsetting efficiency. She had apologized in her own way, which was aggressive and admitted no fault, but time more than anything had healed us. Healed may have been a tad optimistic… made us civil was perhaps a more accurate description…but we settled back into the pseudo-friendship that dare not speak its name. This was a line of thinking I did not care to follow, not when I should be thoroughly enjoying my wine. Even so… that last comment was not very nice.

"Too vanilla. I need someone a little rougher around the edges." That was unexpected, but fascinating. Not only had I been dismissed, but it seemed from that earlier wink, our bartender thought my short-tempered friend would be a more adventurous sexual partner. Perception was such a unique thing…

"It appears you're too wholesome for our bartender, Shizuru." Reito commented, amusement seeping into his tone, making it apparent what he thought of that assertion. Some sort of snorting sound escaped from Haruka and I frowned exaggeratedly only because I knew it would frustrate her further.

"How disappointing." I said ruefully. It took me a moment to realize Nao-han was staring at me with a look of surprise and something else, speculation maybe. I met her eyes steadily and brought my wine glass to my lips. She looked back, eyebrow raised and then her gaze dropped to my chest, raking over me before she ducked down to the other end of the bar.

"What did you do to her?"

I turned to give my friend an innocent look. "Hmm?"

"Don't 'hmm' me. Cut it out."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." I maintained the mildly alarmed look on my face. I wanted to hear her describe what she thought I did. I imagined it would be quite funny.

"That alfalfa dog, 'look deep into my eyes and submit' stare you do, " _Alfalfa dog…submit?_ "It's indecent." _Is it? _I was not the one staring at another woman's chest, but I didn't think getting into that with her was truly worthwhile.

"For Haruka's sake, I will try my best to restrain myself." I caught the almost imperceptible smirk that found its way onto the face of the man next to me.

"Like you could." She muttered.

I did not respond, instead I took another sip of the red wine…its deliciously complex flavor tickling my tongue. Perhaps I would allow myself another glass tonight. I let my gaze wander about the bar, looking for Nao-han. She was still at the other end, bent over the counter, chin on her palms. My breath stopped for a second as I recognized the watch on the hand of the woman she was talking to. I could not hear what they were saying, but the redhead was laughing, touching the arm of the raven-haired girl that had sped my heart on the bus only a day ago. She was sitting, hunched over her stool still in that same blue jacket, long hair falling loose and impossibly neat around her, as beautiful as I remembered. I watched as the bartender jumped up a bit to grab at the zipper of the coat, attempting to pull it down, while she flailed, slapping at the hands angrily. Did they know each other? Or perhaps Nao-han was just that forward…

A fist met my arm with more force than necessary, and it occurred to me that Haruka might be falling past tipsy. "Hey bubuzuke, I was kidding…don't be so sensitive." I realized I had let my face slip completely and I quickly set it right. How careless of me.

Gracefully, Reito stood up and slid his glass over to the center of the wooden tabletop with a generous tip. "Ladies."

"Where are you sneaking off to so early?" The redhead called as she slithered back over. The girl being harassed only moments before stared at Reito from across the way for just a moment before quickly turning her face to the side, the most adorable blush on her cheeks. My throat was suddenly dry and warmth fanned across my skin. "Don't make me tie you to that stool Doc." She smiled wryly. The curve of her lips made me wonder if it would be her first time doing such a thing.

"A tempting offer…but I'm afraid I must be heading home."

A hand rested on her hip as she eyed him openly. "I'll see you next week, 'one drink'."

"Goodnight Nao-san… Haruka." He nodded to each of them, and then paused in front of me, taking my hand in his, "Shizuru." His dark eyes met mine and I let my face relax into an expression of demure enjoyment as he bowed lightly. I could feel the building fire beside me, nearly ready to explode at such a display. Idly I wondered if Reito enjoyed tormenting our blonde friend as much as I did. I watched as he left, breathtaking emerald colored eyes following his path to the door subtly as though she might be concerned he would notice her. Was it possible she knew Reito as well?

I was inwardly startled as a hand moved in front of me, dancing fingers pulling away my empty glass. Those same fingers nudged full stemware to rest in front of my folded hands. "You wanted this, right?" I looked up to see a curious sparkle before her gaze darted down to the balloon glass.

"I did. Ookini." I answered softly, touching the smooth surface with my fingertips, spreading them to cup it gently as if I were going to lift it. She smirked at me and moved over to the back corner of the bar where I noticed the last spot was now empty. The dark-haired woman was gone and I felt strangely disappointed.

**Digression #2: Suzushiro Haruka  
****Date: October 14, 2005… a Friday **_(The Incident)_

Suzushiro Haruka lived by a strict code. She felt it was her duty to stand as a pillar, no not just a pillar, an enforcer of morality. She had always believed that it was a person's duty to conduct their lives with strength, guts, and forthrightness. It was not until she was 23 years old that she found her foil, in one Fujino Shizuru. The woman was beautiful, ostensibly well mannered, and seemed to succeed without doing… well anything. The ease with which she floated through life, without strife or perseverance drove the blonde woman to distraction while they roomed together in an apartment, two blocks away from the medical school they both attended.

On top of that, the rule obsessed Haruka found her to be an intolerable flirt. Not only did she effortlessly breeze through school, but people fell all over themselves just to be near her. That charming Kyoto-ben, as if she were just some innocent country girl and that stupidly happy smile… it was one of the most grotesque displays the young woman had ever seen. She decided that she would push herself harder than she ever had before, she would beat the woman at… something. It really did not matter to her what it was, but that girl needed to be beaten, to be knocked down a peg. As if such offenses weren't enough to wear her patience paper thin, the woman kept tricking her into doing things for her. It was infuriating to the point that it was the only thing she could think of. Yet, she stayed around, sought her out to speak to, to eat with because a part of her thrived on the rivalry, was thankful for the constant push. That was, until 'it' happened. The night she preferred never to remember, but came to her at the strangest of times, the worst of times, the times she least wanted it to, throwing her back into that stupefying labyrinth of repressed emotion.

She'd come home early, appalled at the lack of focus in her study group, to find the woman kissing another woman…some freshman...not on the cheek, or even on the lips, but on the neck… she'd seen the tip of a tongue for god sakes, both of their bodies tangled on the couch. Whoever she was had her head back; face a mask of guiltless pleasure, her clothes in a state of shameful dishevelment. To her horror, her roommate had not a stitch of clothing covering her top half. The image burned itself into her and she found it sucked the air from her lungs, made her temples pound, her mouth dry. Her nerves fired confusedly, sending mismatched signals, prompting unthinkable responses, all of it fueling the fury she felt. Haruka had stood as a statue, facing away, while the girl scrambled to leave, while that woman, the devil of a person, coolly moved about, slipping a robe on, as if nothing were happening. The righteous anger was without measure.

Words she didn't even remember anymore flew at her roommate, about morality, about such displays, about even the idea of two women together… _like that_. It was all she could do. She'd hated her for scorching that picture into her mind, for the permanent reminder that such a thing was possible. That damn woman had remained there, silently, in a robe that was too tight, unsettling red-brown eyes fixed on her, expressionless and unmoved as she raged and howled. Haruka had seen no shame in her…no remorse, no anything and it had deepened the upset. It was one thing to think of it, everyone occasionally thought those sorts of things, but people had a duty to show restraint, to show some strength in the face of so questionable a temptation. It was a cross to bear, not a choice, never a choice. Without a word Shizuru had walked past her, as though her voice meant nothing, as though she meant nothing. From the sound of it, she was making tea in the kitchen and that response had dumbfounded her. The blonde had packed her things and shakily taken the train to the University two towns over, where her closest friend roomed.

"So your new roommate is the problem?" Her childhood friend had asked politely. Haruka was holding her feet, cross-legged to stay the ire that coursed through her unappeased.

"She's awful."

"Awful?"

"She's a complete idiot."

"It surprises me she'd have gotten into the college then." The note of skepticism in her tone was not atypical in their conversations. Yukino was the only one who corrected her errors and though it embarrassed her and she pretended as though she'd never made the misstep in the first place, she did not repeat her mistakes. Throughout grade school, when she struggled because the beginning and the ends of words were all she could retain, when anything too similar outright refused to stick in her brain properly, Yukino was there to point it out. Yukino was the most reasonable and most intelligent person she'd ever met.

"And lazy. I end up doing all the cleaning. She even made me move our furniture."

"How did she make you?" The brunette stared at her friend's arms rather obviously. It was difficult for her to imagine anyone _making_ the blonde do anything.

"Well I had to show her what I meant about using the space well." She grumbled, tossing her hands in the air, then folding them over her chest.

Glasses were pushed up higher on her nose. "I see."

"She's not right with people either."

The slight woman put down the cup she had been drinking from. "What do you mean?"

Violet-blue eyes turned away uncomfortably, nearly mumbling. "With… other girls."

Hazel eyes looked troubled by the pronouncement and Haruka began to feel some sense of vindication. It was a troubling situation after all. "Oh." The blonde wondered whether or not to tell her friend everything that happened, but she would have to risk feeling it over again. "Are you going to look for another roommate?"

"No!" She answered. "I won't give her the saturation."

"I think you mean satisfaction." The other woman whispered, looking unwell.

"That's what I said." She answered in typical form. "I gave her a piece of my mind though."

"You spoke with her about it?"

"Of course I did! That type of behavior is shameful."

The young brunette was staring at her with a bizarre, gutted expression that made the blonde woman uneasy. "What did she say?"

"Nothing. She didn't even defend herself. Not that you can defend… _that._" She grumbled, eyeing the girl across the way. She looked… nauseas maybe. Not a surprising reaction, she herself had felt the same way. "Yukino, are you sick?" There was no response. "Yuu-kiin-no!"

Her friend seemed visibly shaken. "I'm sorry, but I have a lot of studying to do Haruka. My classes are difficult this semester."

"You're asking me to leave?" She said, voice rising in shock, there wasn't even a –chan tacked onto her name to growl over. A head turning to the side was her only answer, but not before something flickered in those hazel eyes… something that terrified her. Haruka was not stupid, but she was stubborn and so it was through sheer force of will that she was able to banish the half-formed realization that came in that moment. She fought it as if it had threatened her entire existence. Things could… no… would continue as they were, it changed nothing, she wouldn't let it. Something like that…her friend was wrong. Yukino was mistaken, she didn't…couldn't want that, not from her. It just needed to be ignored, ignored and then it would go away.

Two months would pass before they saw each other face to face again, before the excuses and the avoidance became too much from the headstrong blonde to tolerate. In the meantime, she was shocked to find that woman still in their apartment when she returned home. There she sat, tea resting on an open palm, still with that annoyingly calm expression, but those eyes were different. They were darker. A twinge of something that felt a little like sadness hit her, maybe it was guilt. What she had to feel guilty over though she didn't know… or maybe she did. The image of her friend's eyes, always hidden behind glasses, always with her hair a bit messy… no, she wouldn't feel guilty. She was right in this… then why? Why did she feel as though she'd crossed some line… taken something too far? She sighed with frustration as she stared at the woman she wished was someone else.

"Shizuru…" She began, using the first name she seldom spoke, the floor between them seeming wider somehow. "…about what I said… it was… harsh.". Haruka would not say 'wrong', she wasn't wrong, it was wrong, Shizuru was wrong… and these words… they were for Yukino. The woman had said nothing to her in response. It had never again been spoken of.

**Aside #2: Gauderobe Medical School**

One of the Premier Medical Schools in Japan was unique, in that it was perhaps the only all girl's medical school in the country for most of its hallowed history. In recent years, the tide of social politics had forced change under the banner of equality. The now co-ed University held a still rather unimpressive ratio of men to woman…10:1. When Shizuru and Haruka attended it had been an even starker 20:1. The University had such difficulty finding male applicants that the administration had created a committee dedicated to that very purpose. Often the male students had to be recruited to the school through grants or scholarships. Even now there persisted a dissatisfaction with the male presence within the school, unspoken but almost tangible in its strength.

Gender equality aside, the institution had an exceptional reputation for producing some of the most brilliant and prodigious doctors in the county. This had, of course not gone unnoticed by First District Healthcare, who was quick to offer contractual affiliations between their flagship hospitals and the school. The students would, after all, need a place to train. Another less savory and less welcome reputation did exist regarding not so much the goings on inside the school, but rather the activities within its dorms. One of the aforementioned women had been unaware of this secondary reputation, the other had contributed to it. It was a reputation not uncommon among all-girl schools of any kind, but one that was looked down on or ignored by the majority of staff and student body. In general, it was not something they wished to be associated with, or labeled as… even if they occasionally took part in it. As long as it was just curiosity, just a night, just a kiss, just an experiment, just one too many drinks, just an underclassman's crush… as long as it could be explained away… well…it didn't really count.


	3. Ice Princess, Alyssa, and Family Tree

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes and foul-mouthed characters.

**Narrative #3: The Beast and the Ice Princess  
****Date: August 28, 2013 … a Wednesday**

The sun was peaking through clouds that had been relentless the past week or so. It would be nice to see some sunshine and decided I would take a walk during my lunch hour. Sitting in my office tended to become a bit boring but there was a significant amount of paperwork… contracts, agreements, and releases… associated with setting up the research studies. I had three patients to visit within the hospital this afternoon who had been identified as possible participants… it was not many and so I was pleased that I'd have time to visit with the residents this afternoon. As I hung my suit jacket on the back of my office door, my thoughts drifted away again to the same place they had been frequenting. I let them carry me all the way to the large atrium that stood at the entrance to the hospital. The dark-haired woman, I had not seen her in five days… I suppose I was keeping track then. I hadn't returned to the bar or the administrative office; though from her outfit it seemed unlucky she actually worked there. The possibility loomed that I would never see her again, why that thought caused me any distress I didn't know.

"Fujino!" A loud voice grabbed my attention as I reached the automatic doors.

"Haruka." I smiled politely. Her gaze dropped to the lilac blouse and gray slacks I was wearing.

"Hiding in your office again?" She was dressed in scrubs, a mask still dangling from her neck. I never felt the need to justify what I did with my time…a smile was all the answer I ever gave her. "Are you going to lunch?"

"I thought I would take a walk to that shop around the corner."

"Where's Kanzaki?"

"I haven't seen him all day unfortunately." I knew she was making reference to his boyish infatuation with the cute woman who owned the business and had graciously employed his younger sister. Mikoto's working there was what had led us to discover the shop in the first place. We nearly always went together and I loved watching him quietly prepare himself as we made our way over, building up his charm until it nearly oozed over the counter at the shopkeeper. "He must be quite busy today."

"I'll come." She responded as if I'd asked, tossing her mask into the nearby trash after violently ripping it from her neck. I felt my eyebrows lift and she glared at me, presumably for my lack of response.

"That would be delightful Haruka." I gave her my most insufferable look of happiness, which led to a deepened frown.

We progressed down the sidewalk and I nodded here and there, letting my face fall into its usual calm arrangement. This allowed myself to think on whatever my mind produced undisturbed, as she ranted about a wide variety of subjects. On the surface it was difficult for me to understand why we'd maintained our 'friendship', as we were very different…different animals. I had experienced similar thoughts watching her getting married to that saint of man she'd found three years ago… the concept that we had so little in common, it was difficult to recognize the threads that tied us together.

Underneath it all, she was genuinely a good person… guided by some unshakable notion of right and wrong, more so than myself, even if at times she was rash or misguided. Much like a rhinoceros or some other boisterous yet noble creature…Haruka was a battering ram crafted out of conventional morality and brute force. I thought of her almost as my conscience, because her black and white view of the world forced me to confront the unpleasant realities of who I had allowed myself to be. Her presence was like a constant question whispered in my ear, a wall that I kept running headlong into. She was completely unaware that I had such thoughts about her and I intended to keep it that way. Again I seemed to be carelessly steering myself into bitter thoughts…

I could see why my nature aggravated her so intensely… because I was her opposite, because it never really seemed like I had to try and because my desires were much more my compass. I had been described as cold, cunning even by those that saw me in unguarded moments. I would not say that I was boisterous or noble or overly moral… I did not know how I would describe myself, it was not something I gave much thought to. The only animals that were ever described using similar adjectives to those that had been applied to me were considered to be of a darker constitution. _Every person is an animal Shizuru. There are always teeth behind a smile. _The words, spoken to me long ago, echoed in my mind, but the next bit of her conversation happily managed to catch my full attention.

"…met that new trauma fellow…" I noticed the snarl on her face. Apparently she hadn't taken much of a liking to her. This in itself was not unusual, as Haruka rarely took a liking to anyone.

"Did you?"

"I don't know how Kanzaki deals with her!" She threw out her hands in one of the exaggerated gestured I'd come to expect during our talks, as if she were a politician making a speech.

I suppose a bit of distracting gossip wouldn't hurt anything. "Ara, can it be that bad?"

"She's a beast!" What a coincidence she would chose a word so reminiscent of my earlier thoughts… "She's already got herself a nickname. The residents are calling her the 'ice princess'."

I was surprised. _Ice princess?_ I wasn't certain I liked the idea that it had already gone so far as secret nicknames. I found myself hoping to meet her at some point and assess the situation myself. I had a sort of inexplicable fondness for difficult people. "What is it that makes her so 'beastly'?"

"She's just rude. She barely talks and when she does, it's like she's barking at you." Barking and beast… as if the woman were a dog, an unfriendly one at that.

"Perhaps she is shy?" I suggested gently…_nothing more than puppy in need of taming?_ "She has not been here that…"

"Fujino… you haven't even met the woman! You go too easy on people, that's your problem!" She waved her hand dismissively at me. "She just thinks she's better than everyone else, big chunk on her shoulder, you know what I mean."

"Mm." I smiled, looking straight ahead. There was a brief pause and I waited to see if she'd picked up my meaning… that may have been too obvious. I was slipping a bit. Thankfully, something distracted her. Pulling the phone from her pocket, I watched in fascination as she slowed her pace, cheeks turning a light pink while her eyes widened considerably. I didn't think I'd ever seen such an expression on her before.

"Sorry…I have work to do."

"I wouldn't want to keep Haruka from such undoubtedly important tasks." I answered lightly, as though unconcerned. She nodded and left with noticeable speed, in the direction from which we'd come… interesting. I tried to imagine the type of thing could cause such a reaction in her. It was an impossible task, but a suitable way to occupy myself.

Truthfully, I didn't mind taking the rest of the trip on my own. It wasn't long after she left before I reached the shop and was nearly bowled over by the slight, dark-haired girl who came tearing through the door.

"Ara ara, Mikoto-han! Excited today?" I laughed gently.

"Sorry, sorry!" I heard Mai-han shout from inside. "Mikoto be careful." She said in the motherly tone she always used when addressing the other girl.

The thin, braided girl instantly pouted and scrambled to open the glass door for me. Yellow-brown eyes turned up as the apron that hung loosely from her neck flapped in the breeze. "Sorry Fujino-sensei! I thought you were someone else." She peered around me. "Where's my brother?"

I made a disappointed face, noticing happily that the shop owner had much the same expression on hers. "Reito, unfortunately is caught up at work, but I will let him know you said 'hello'."

"If he's working so hard, you should bring him back some of Mai's soup. I helped today."

I smiled, tapping her nose. "I will have to have some too then." She grabbed my hand and dragged me inside the store with an enthusiastic nod. The girl all but scurried behind the register, grabbing a box that looked far too heavy for her small frame and hauled it to the back.

"Hiya Shizuru-san!" It had taken over a year to get the redhead to call me by my first name, but it seemed silly to be so formal with one another after so much time had passed. "Sorry about that! We're waiting for someone." She laughed, eyes closed, hand in her orange-red hair. "I just finished the bento boxes if you want one."

"Ookini, I will take whichever one Mai-han thinks is the best and some of the soup Mikoto helped with, if its not too much trouble."

"No problem!" She commented, wrapping a few small sweets up. She always tucked a few into our orders. Reito had a rather notorious sweet tooth. It was fortunate we had such good food so close. Her meals were very nearly legendary around the hospital. "It's nice to finally have some sun again."

"Yes, it has been dark lately." I agreed as she handed me the packed items. Perhaps then the weather could be blamed, the grayness and the moisture drawing out my unwelcome, unusually negative musings…

"NATSUKI!" A dark blur all but flew over the counter, leaping like a cat toward the door and dove on top of whoever had just walked in.

"Mikoto!" Mai nearly whined as she rushed over. The whole scene was fairly amusing. "Please let her go!"

"Ooph, oi!" My lips parted the smallest amount as I took in the eyes that refused to leave my mind for a full week now. The woman being squeezed slipped the other off her like a towel. "Hey Mai!" The deep voice surprised me, as did the small shiver that ran up my spine. My body's response to her was honestly absurd. _Natsuki…_

"Hi! Oh my gosh…I still can't used to you being back!" The first smile I had seen on the woman passed over perfectly formed lips as they hugged. It was small unlike her friend's, but nonetheless made her face impossibly more attractive. It seemed she knew Mai-han as well. I had learned that the degrees of separation were shortened on a smaller island, that it was very much its own, significantly smaller world. It was never difficult to find someone who knew someone who you knew. Feeling very much like an intruder, I made my way past them, waving goodbye. "Have a good day and thanks!"

Three sets of eyes turned my way, and two hands waved goodbye. I tried to reign in my expression as I returned the gesture, keeping a smile on my face and my eyes shut.

"So businesslike now Natsuki, I don't even recognize you. Did you take out your nosering?" I heard their voices trail off as I left, realizing I had been holding my breath. _A nosering?_ Lost in my thoughts, I nearly walked into a young blonde woman jogging toward the shop.

"Ooops. Excuse me." She nimbly avoided me, hopping to the side, wide blue eyes taking me in. Her Japanese carried an accent I couldn't place.

"Kanin-na." I said softly, using my most disarming tone. I could not recall the last time I had been so unaware of my own surroundings.

She stared at me and I turned my head slightly, unsure why she was looking at me that way with a blush just starting to show. "Sorry I don't know that word. I'm still learning." She said nervously.

"It means the same as 'sorry'. It was very much my fault, I was distracted." She nodded at me, clearly translating what I'd said in her mind, a deeper red playing on her cheeks as our eyes met.

"Well…" She seemed to be collecting herself "'ka-nin-na' too, I shouldn't have been running." The accented attempt was quite endearing and I found myself smiling genuinely at her.

"_**Alyssa!"**_ That voice… I looked over to see her hanging out the door of the shop, hair falling around her, arms open wide and braced in the doorframe. _**"Mai made lunch!" **_She said in gently accented English, looking at me somewhat suspiciously.

"_**Coming!"**_ With a quick nod, she walked off toward the building and I sighed at myself. Reluctantly I absolved the weather of all responsibility. As I began to move, something caught my eye, a small moleskin notebook lying on the sidewalk. I knelt and picked it, wondering if the young woman had dropped it. Briefly, I considered going back into that shop, but I did not want to further disrupt their happy reunion. I would return it to Mai-han another day.

**Digression #3: Alyssa Searrs  
****Date: September 3, 2013 ... a Tuesday**

"What do you want for dinner? Kuga's not here to harass us…"

The young blonde girl twisted in her seat, staring into mischievous looking eyes. "Chips." She exclaimed.

"Just that?" Nao gave her a look.

"A cheeseburger."

"Better. We're sharing."

"Sure!" She smiled brightly at the woman. "Do you think they have mayo?"

"Yeah, use as much as you want. I could care less, just don't put it on my side. I don't know what Kuga's problem is."

Alyssa's older sister, more accurately half-sister, was what some would describe as an annoyingly healthy eater, at least most of the time. In her house she kept no red meat, no poultry, no snacks or desserts… the majority of her home diet consisted of fish and raw foods. A pescatarian was the word… the girl had looked it up, but wasn't sure if it applied to people who suspended that when they went out to dinner. In general, Natsuki treated her body as she treated her motorcycle; carefully selecting the type of things she would put in it, though she did seem to have something of a passion for dining out and chocolate. This had been the hardest adjustment for the younger girl when she moved in with her two months ago. Opening the fridge or the cupboard and seeing row upon row of gleaming fruits and veggies, raw nuts in the freezer, fresh caught fish wrapped in paper… it was… painful. There was not a single bag of crisps, not one fizzy-drink. Then there was the separate but equally upsetting issue of Salad Cream which they did not have in this country… and so began her love affair with mayonnaise. Japanese mayonnaise was slightly different, but still delicious. She had indulged in it nearly to the extent of considering it a food group, but her sister was put off by the smell, the appearance, the taste.

Natsuki had never actually forbidden her from eating anything she might want, nor would it be in the woman's nature to do so, but as is the way of things Alyssa had imagined that her sister might be disappointed in her. From those imaginings came feelings of guilt, and from the guilt came a story that was now gospel. This was how it happened that her sister became the food police, a culinary tyrant, without ever speaking a single word about it or having the slightest idea this had occurred at all.

Alyssa had found a co-conspirator in Nao… for nearly anything. She'd started shipping some of her favorites to the woman's apartment, sneaking the first installment to her basement bedroom while Natsuki was working. She'd even bought herself a mini-fridge to keep her precious sugary drinks chilled. The girl was not one for overindulgence, but she liked to have her favorite treats available. It was like having a little piece of home with her.

"Maybe I'll get a coke too."

"Go crazy. The pup's turning into a nut job. I don't know how she drinks that green crap."

"She made me juice this morning, it wasn't too bad." Alyssa didn't mind the juicing. She liked the bright colors and sweet taste… she liked nearly all types of food. There were worse things than healthy eaters… and her sister, weirdly enough, genuinely seemed to like her restrictive diet. "She wasn't always like that was she?"

"Hell no. She lived on junk food and smoked like a chimney back in high school. I don't know what changed."

Blue eyes widened in surprise, unable to picture it. "She smoked?"

Thin fingers drummed against the laminate tabletop. "Tate made her quit."

"How?"

"He stole the keys to her bike and Tokiha stopped making her food… the two of them were relentless. I've never seen Kuga so pissed." Thinking of Tate still made her a bit sad… he had been almost like an older brother to her and besides…he'd always been there, since she and Natsuki first met, he'd been there. Now he was just… gone. Of course she would never say anything to her sister about it. The woman seemed to have enough guilt to swallow her whole already.

"How come you never quit?"

The older woman grinned. "Do the opposite of everything I do and you'll turn out fine. Besides I would've killed them if they tried anything like that."

"I'm surprised she didn't." The blonde girl laughed.

"Don't let her fool you. Kuga's a big softie." She said in the disinterested tone she used for almost everything, flicking her hand and before draping both arms over the back of the bench they were seated at. "So show us the latest."

"Oh. Yeah." The girl fished in her bag for the large sketchbook she carried with her nearly everywhere, handing it to the woman, whose eyes sparkled with unusual interest as they scanned the pages. She'd always drawn in secret because her father didn't approve of such frivolous pastimes… because she drew 'cartoons' he'd called them. Her father, the parent she shared with Natsuki, was a serious man and he expected Alyssa to be serious as well.

It wasn't much of a stretch, as she shared that particular trait with him, but hers manifested differently. Like her father, the blonde teenager was good with numbers, whip smart, and overly analytical. When she was a child she loved when he involved her in the business, loved the suits and the rustle of papers and her father who seemed so important. As she got older though, her feelings about business changed. The more she saw of it, the more it seemed like one giant competition where there were no winners, where the object was to crush your opponent, to dehumanize them. It seemed…barbaric to her, like a carry over from ancient times. It wasn't to her taste. She yearned, needed to create something, anything that was her own, that brought beauty into the world. This was not a desire she could explain to him, she knew exactly what he would say about something so… Bohemian. More than anything she wanted to feel like she did when she used to sing… for Miyu. The intensity with which she followed her artistic whims frightened some people, was beyond their understanding. She'd been called strange before… and as she grew she came to realize her looks, her money, her family, they were the reasons no one bullied her, that they would have if she wasn't who she was. Alyssa was too passionate for a teenager, too focused… she should be thinking of smaller things, so she'd been told.

That was the reason she had wanted to leave in the first place. Her creativity was being stifled by tennis lessons, by the sons of her father's business partners, by the vapidity of her so called 'friends'. Her father had allowed it, but only for a year… she was to study business in college, that was made very clear. Alyssa had agreed because she knew her father would not accept 'no' and because she didn't want to disappoint him. She was his heir, and she would work in the family business.

She'd phoned Natsuki a full year before she'd moved, stuttering out her feelings like she was confessing to some grave crime and the woman had agreed with surprising ease. Alyssa had always liked her beautiful sister and for all her scowling, the older girl had been good to her and so fun while doing her exchange program in England. They went so many places together and though they'd never spoken about it, Alyssa knew it was partly because Natsuki couldn't stand to be around her father or her mother. The older girl liked museums and Alyssa loved art and so they'd gone to quite a few of the more famous galleries. Her sister liked the quiet of them and she liked the look. Alyssa was still young then, only twelve when the woman had finished her schooling abroad and moved back to Japan.

They hadn't become really close until she was older, until she started going to Japan for visits. She fell in love with the country, with the language Miyu had taught her bits of… she started studying it fervently… took lessons. The blonde had always loved languages, loved words, especially ones with high specificity… that referred to things so unique that providing a definition was difficult, that they required experience to understand. She kept a small notebook of them… had kept one…she'd lost it recently, which was heartbreaking, but she could start over.

Japan…it was fast motorcycle rides on her sister's Ducati and staying up late to watch scary movies and singing Karaoke in ridiculous costumes as if it were no big deal. It was 'reading' Takumi's manga… the unique art with its strange expressions and random drops of sweat and nosebleeds and jokes she didn't understand. Most important though, Japan was a sister who was already a woman, with her unapologetic aloofness, funny friends, neat apartment, and cute boyfriend… all of which were hers and hers alone. She'd made her life, was someone totally outside of a family name. Natsuki was about the coolest thing her younger self had ever seen.

Since she moved, she'd found encouragement in her drawing for the first time from two very different people. One was Nao, maybe her favorite of her sister's little group, and the other was her sweet, excitable art teacher. She hadn't shown them to Natsuki, because… she didn't really know why… except she was afraid the woman would react like her father did.

"Is that you?" Nao asked, turning the book to see it better.

"Yeah."

Light green eyes met hers. "I thought you were supposed to be a villain. Why'd you make yourself a little kid?"

"Because no one would expect it."

Nao smirked. "Who's the girl?" The girl was actually a woman for whom she felt an immeasurable amount of love. It was the woman who had cared for her so well, that her father and mother paled in comparison. She thought of Miyu even now, wondered after her…her second mom, the one that felt real… the one who broke her in two when she left, even if Alyssa had understood why. She thought of Miyu's brothers, the gardeners, who chased each other and played rough with her and treated her like she was a normal kid, swung her around by her arms so fast that she fell over when they set her down because the world had yet to stop spinning.

"She was my nanny. She'll be an android… see… her arm disconnects and I'll add a few different auxiliary weapons that attach to it."

"Where do you come up with this sh…uh stuff?"

The young woman gave her a wry smile. "You can swear y'know. I'm seventeen, and you do it all the time, I think you already have a couple times today."

"Kuga's been up my ass not to."

The teenager smirked. "It's working, huh?"

"Don't start. Hmm… this one's new. "

"Oh… yeah." She idly dipped a french fry in her beloved combination of mayonnaise and ketchup, embarrassed and red at the discovery.

Narrowed eyes rolled her way. "Explain."

"I saw her outside Mai's shop. She was just… beautiful and her eyes are so unusual. I couldn't get them out of my…" Nao gave her the strangest look. "What?"

A mischievous grin stole the far corner of the older girl's mouth. "She's too old for you. Kuga would have a fit."

A bright blush covered the girl's face. "Nao!"

The woman shrugged. "I never pegged you for a skirt chaser."

A blonde head was buried in hands. "It's not like that! She has a unique aesthetic."

"That's a goddamn terrible pickup line." Nao plopped a french fry between her teeth, nipping it like kitten, while the girl beside her sighed. Alyssa kept to herself that her first thought upon seeing those eyes was _'venetian red' or 'crimson'? _She'd since decided neither was right… a mixture of '_scarlet'_ and _'raw umber'_ was the newest consideration or maybe '_tuscan red'_. More than she wanted to admit, they reminded her Miyu's eyes… even if they were a completely different shape… but that color…

Something occurred to the girl as she tried to control her flaming face. From that picture, Nao couldn't know that the woman was older than her. "Wait, do you know her?"

With an indifferent shrug, the woman answered. "She comes to the bar."

"What's she like?"

An eyebrow lifted, completing the amused expression, as she reached for her half of the cheeseburger. "Is that important to her 'aesthetic'?"

"Yes and quit making fun." The girl said making a face that Nao insisted was a copy of one made by her sister.

The redhead thought for a moment as she chewed her food, quirking her lips to the side. "Hard to tell… she spends most of her time smiling like an idiot."

There was an obvious and pronounced frown on the young girl's face. "Oh."

"Why so disappointed?"

"She seemed… different."

"I said 'like' an idiot. Hell if I know what she's really like… she's hard to read."

Alyssa nodded, taking a meditative pause. "She's an enigma."

The older woman put down her sandwich, narrowing her eyes to study the blonde. "Sure, kid. Whatever you say."

Grabbing her own piece of the burger, the young girl smiled dipping it in mayonnaise before taking a bite.

**Aside #3: The Kuga-Searrs Family Tree **_(Background)_

When he was twenty-three years old, Edward Searrs, an Englishmen of Japanese descent took a site visit to Iwasaka Pharmaceutical to meet the much talked about addition to their research team. Kuga Saeko was a lovely woman, even with her hair tied back unflatteringly and glasses that did not compliment the shape of her eyes. She was head of the HiME Project, something to do with a newly discovered genetic mutation. He had been briefed in language above his head, though he made a show of pretending to grasp it.

He was a severe and well-bred young man, with a deep voice that commanded attention. His speech was often short and to the point, which did little to improve his reputation for being far too serious and about as warm as an iceberg.

Saeko and Edward had no intention of marrying… or rather Edward had no intention of marrying Saeko, not when he kissed her, and most certainly not when he slept with her. He was clear about that afterward. He respected her abilities, but that was it. The night was meant to be enjoyable. He had made, what was in his view, a very logical suggestion that she terminate the pregnancy when she had the audacity to call him. His logic was met with a dial tone. Edward had no intention of moving to Japan or being a father to the child of a woman he barely knew. He made this clear as well. He would send her money of course, he did have a sense of honor, but he considered this to be her decision, and thus her problem. The important thing was that she not make trouble for him, that she keep herself quiet over it and so a lawyer was sent to remind her of the position in which she'd found herself. The researcher had no such intentions anyway… she made it easy for him to wipe his hands clean of the child he did not want.

Saeko delivered her baby and loved her dearly from the moment she first saw her. She continued her work for years while raising Natsuki as a single mother, taking the project to the point of production and subsequent testing of her HiME-based serum. The relationship between herself and Iwasaka slowly became contentious as they pushed for quicker and quicker results. Saeko's brain was picked dry by her apprentice and she was pushed out of the project. The accident that took her life occurred a few weeks later.

Around this time, the follies of his youth began to weigh on Edward. He began to think of the daughter he never knew and when news of Saeko's death reached him, of Natsuki's coma, he started to regret. He brought the girl to live with him after hiring someone to care for her until she recovered, gave her more than she'd ever had… but she ran away on three occasions, was unreceptive to him, and continued to be so. The child was unmanageable and he sent her back, had a guardian arranged to oversee the girl. She didn't have the sense to accept the more than adequate life he'd tried to give her. He sent her money as he had done with her mother because he was an honorable man. In truth though, the experience shook him, the look in her eyes, the pure anger… such a single-minded determination to hate him even with all that he'd done. Gifts were wasted, thrown away, or forgotten… Natsuki, he decided, was a lost cause and it would be best to start from scratch.

He wanted a child who looked at him with love and so it was that after three years of pleasurable searching he found the perfect wife… a waifish model, sixteen years his junior, who after eleven months of travel and leisure birthed him a gorgeous baby girl. The child, Alyssa, was perfect; a fair-skinned, blue-eyed, golden angel… who barely looked Japanese. He hired the best, most-devoted nanny he could find to care for the child while he and his wife continued the business of living. In a display of generosity and forgiveness, he even flew his ungrateful first daughter out to see the splendid child every now and then. They did seem to take to each other, even if his wife and the older girl did not.

He'd kept an eye on Natsuki, pulled strings for her without her knowing… allowed the relationship to grow between the sisters… even when the dark-haired girl began covering herself with those dreadful piercings and tattoos. It was for one reason; she was the product of Edward Searrs and Kuga Saeko. Certain traits were bound to be passed on. He wasn't surprised to find her both intelligent and doggedly independent. Such people, he knew, should be kept close.


	4. Summer Child, Yohko, and Orthopedics

**The Messiness of Life**  
By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: ** M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes and foul language.  
**Author's Note:** Both reviews and readership are always appreciated.

**Narrative #4: Summer Child**  
**Date: September 26, 2013… a Thursday**

It was getting rather late and there were quite a few add-on cases. I was feeling a bit restless today and saw no reason to make the residents stay so late all the time, despite Haruka's insistence that exhaustion built character. When the page from Reito came requesting my help for this case I was more than happy to oblige. I'd discussed the case with several of my residents earlier, as the patient wasn't in the best of health. I walked into the cool room seeing one of my third years dutifully arranging the drips, having already done the pre-op.

"Fujino-san? Are you mine for this case?" I heard his warm greeting as I entered, still in the process of tying my mask behind my head.

"Kanzaki-sensei… what an unexpected pleasure." I said, a bit of a tease in my voice.

Yohko gave us a look from off toward the computer. How unusual, all of us together again… a sense of nostalgia washed over me.

"Fujino-sensei!" The young resident nearly fell off her stool as I came over. Her eyes twinkled at me and I laughed softly, such undeserved excitement.

I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Arika-han, why don't you head home? It's getting late and I trust you've done your best?" She bowed, a twinge of pink sneaking above her mask as she showed me all she had done already with an obvious eagerness.

"Yes, thank you sensei!" She turned, looking up at me shyly as she took off her lead apron, handing it to me before she made her way out. "Um…I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded. "Thank you again." She waved to me and to Reito, who nodded… what an adorable girl, quite possibly my favorite among the residents. It was my impression that she'd taken one of the new residents, Erstin-han, under her wing so to speak… it was rather sweet. In any case I was pleased that it wasn't Tomoe-han running the room. She was impossible to dismiss, always insisting on staying and watching me with such intensity that had grown exponentially between her first and forth year. I'd started purposely avoiding her as much as I could while fulfilling my professional duties.

"I'm guessing the great Fujino-sensei is our Anesthesiologist tonight, then?" The brunette nurse said, a rather distinctive look in her eye as she walked over to me. As she approached, my mind flickering back to the hours following a particular Christmas party when we both had a bit too much to drink, when she walked toward me in a similar fashion wearing much less.

"And the famous Yohko-han is our circulator?" I responded, keeping my tone even but could feel the smile in my eyes. I had tried before to figure out what it was that lent her the power to cleave my control in two on the sporadic nights we'd spent together… to make me feel as if I'd suddenly forgotten how my own body worked. I'd come to believe it was that she didn't care what nearly anyone thought of her including me. This was not something I was used to, but it was truly refreshing. It could also be that she was the first woman, rather than girl, I'd ever been with, older than I was and physically stronger. Lastly, she was the only woman I'd ever met who could be so wildly passionate without attaching. I could hear her voice in my head as I thought these things… from a time I foolishly let myself slip, had been caught staring at her too openly and for far too long merely attempting to unravel her uniqueness… _You're not falling in love with me are you? _It was a joke, but no, I wasn't… _I know better_… I had said.

The door flew open with a snap and gruff words interrupted us. "Kanzaki-Sensei!" We just kept running into one another.

"Kuga-san." He turned, startled, looking at the newest addition to our room. The woman stood, her back to me, damp hands held rigidly in the air. A lead skirt was draped around her slender waist with a vest securely fastened on top. With her hair up and tucked in a cap, I could see that the design on the back of her neck appeared to be a comet or shooting star. A second tattoo covered the inside of her wrist where her watch had sat before. It was a word, kanji, but I couldn't make it out. My mind unbidden, conjured up an image of both bits of skin beneath my lips. Only two of the four earrings in today… "How did that ankle go?" All the information began amalgamating in my head…the new fellow, the beast, the woman on the bus, ice princess, Natsuki, and now Kuga were one in the same.

"Fine. I'll do this."

"No Kuga-san, it's quite alright. I don't mind. You've done a lot today." He was attempting to subdue her with encouragement and compliments, an error in judgment. I could nearly see the steam boiling from beneath her black OR cap. "Why don't you go home and rest? Enjoy your evening." He turned to Yohko. "We've called x-ray?" She nodded.

"I would rather do this case." The newcomer replied, a bit of irritation seeping out. The nurse and I observed the scene with quiet interest. It wasn't often that an individual was so completely immune to Reito's charm… but this was obviously one of those times. Kuga… the name rang a bell, but I could not pull from my mind where I'd heard it before.

Yohko tossed the fellow a surgical towel and pulled another wrapped sterile gown from the cabinet. "You can both do it, I don't care."

"How nice. I don't believe we've done a whole case yet together, have we?" He was being far too congenial. I felt badly for him, but amused by the entire situation, amused and oddly nervous to be trapped in this room with her for however long the case took.

"No." She nearly growled.I could see why Haruka and she clashed. _A puppy in need of taming_…

"Kuga-sensei… what size gloves?" The circulator asked.

"6." Such small hands for her chosen profession, in generally really. I crossed my legs at the ankles as she gowned up.

"We have a subtrochanteric fracture, complete, no dislocation, so…" Reito began.

"TFN. I looked up the films and the history already." She finished for him. "Sizes outside?"

"Yes." He said.

"Patient has congestive heart failure… Anesthesia knows?" She said unemotionally before looking over at me. Those eyes with everything else covered, no other features to draw my attention, were dangerously attractive. A flicker passed through them and I wondered if she recalled seeing me in that elevator or outside Mai-han's shop… if just my own eyes would be enough.

"Anesthesia is aware." I answered her playfully, to blanket the tingling that had just started mercilessly running along my scalp and neck. "Anesthesia has a name as well… if Kuga-sensei is interested."

Her eyes widened a little and a blush peeked from above her mask, touching her neck. I dearly wished I could see it all of it. "W-what is it?" She asked quietly, the tiniest stutter in her question... a stutter my heart seemed to mimic.

"My apologies. This is Fujino-sensei, Kuga-san… she is the best Anesthesiologist Fuuka has." Reito jumped in, spoiling my fun.

"Ara ara, how flattering Reito-han… but that is a matter of opinion." I added. Her brow rose and her eyes narrowed as if she didn't quite understand what she was looking at.

He shot me an entertained stare, one that caused tiny lines to form at the corners of his eyelids. "Fujino-san, this is…"

"Kuga… Natsuki…" She spoke with that low, rich alto. The words had a truncated feel, as if they were being forced from her, strictly enough to convey the meaning… as if she would be happier saying nothing at all. Perhaps that was the truth.

"So we all know each other then. Let's get to it?" Yohko broke in, clearly eager to start the case. She began the safety pause, but I found my attention constantly wavering.

"Scalpel." The scrub tech handed her the tool and I found it difficult to not watch as the young doctor worked with silent efficiency. "Incision time, 18:10." She mumbled, her eyes never leaving the flesh of an exposed leg, shoulders stiff and rolled forward as if to protect herself. She still exuded that aura of utter disinterest and inapproachability even when operating within a team. It was fascinating for me to see Reito assume a subordinate role as well, but he fell into it easily, suctioning and irrigating without comment, keeping everything clear for her… observing with soft, yet critical eyes. I could tell he was impressed and annoyed at the same time, but he hid both well. As I watched the stats and lines, satisfied with what I saw, my eyes kept drifting back to her. She didn't seem to notice that I was looking. Her hands moved differently than the rest of her, I realized. There was no urgency, only precise movements, fingers agile, knowing… almost gliding as they wrapped around tools, coaxing them into position.

I found myself enamored with the woman…for lack of a more appropriate term. It was not often that I was so powerfully attracted to someone, and I could enjoy it only because nothing would ever come of it. Her blunt words and forward stares, however seemed to terrorize the man running the x-ray machine. What a remarkable contradiction she was, shy and aggressive all at once.

I turned my attention to the nervous tech leaning against the fluoroscope. "I don't believe we've met." He was waiting anxiously for his next instructions. His eyes had been fixed intensely on the surgeon throughout most of the case, but now they darted between me and the table, as if afraid he might miss something.

"Fujino-sensei." He nodded politely, apparently he knew of me. I could see the light sheen of sweat on his forehead... I wondered if he was truly that scared of this woman or if there was some other factor in his reaction. "Masashi Takeda." I resolved to see if I could somehow alleviate some of this tension.

"Masashi-han… nice to meet you."

I felt more than saw penetrating glare she gave him. For an uncomfortable few seconds she merely stared in his direction. When he failed to move, his eyes on me as though unsure our conversation had ended, she spoke harshly. "X-ray."

"Yes!" He scrambled to move the large C-shaped machine into position.

"I must apologize Kuga-sensei…" She nearly flinched as the honorific left my lips, and I grinned beneath my mask. "I'm afraid it was me that caused the delay, I was taking Masashi-han's attention from his duty." I rested my hands on my legs, one on top of the other, fingers laced together. Yohko gave me the most unusual glance from across the room and the man in question seemed alarmed. I suppose I was curious to see if the young surgeon would snap at me as she had him.

My voice pulled her gaze toward me and I watched as her neck followed stiffly. I could see surprise in the gathering wrinkles on her forehead. "…Oh." It seemed she had no intentions of saying anything else.

Reito eyes flashed to mine mischievously before he turned to look at the monitor that displayed the x-ray images. "Kuga-san. I think the screw is fine."

She sighed with frustration. "It's crooked." She said, glancing at the screen. It seemed as though she were readying herself to remove it. I considered whether she was a perfectionist or merely looking for a problem.

"Only slightly, I would leave it. The length is good and that's most important. You'll hit the next one perfectly I'm sure." I could see her bristle at his words. She seemed absolutely committed to taking offense to anything he said. It did have an interesting effect on her though, as her focus became impossibly sharper, finishing the case in a fantastically short amount of time. They begin pulling their gowns off and I recorded the last of what I needed to. Her speed upset the timing I had planned and I realized the patient would need a few extra moments to wake up. I felt myself release a deep breath, feeling my heartbeat slowly coming down. I spoke softly, gently to the patient now on a stretcher, informing him the surgery was over, unsure whether or not he could yet understand. As we were leaving I looked at the name on the white board in the corner one last time… Kuga Natsuki… summer child indeed.

Sometime later I was standing in front of my locker, taking the folded clothes from it and setting them neatly on the bench. A tiny sigh almost escaped my lips as I removed my hat and let my hair down. My scrubs and the shoes I reserved for my time in the operating room came next. I was tired tonight, not exhausted, but ready for the day to be over. Knowing who she was now, it seemed future encounters with the green-eyed woman would be inevitable. It was both an exciting and an anxiety provoking revelation because I hadn't reacted to another person quite the way I reacted to her before… with this nearly instantaneous fascination that refused to be quelled. The only experience in my life that was anything close to this had ended so poorly that it wasn't something I liked to think on. As I stood there unfolding my skirt and smoothing it out, I sensed someone. Glancing over, I smiled at the smirking nurse now leaning against the wall nearest me, fully dressed.

As our eyes met, we exchanged a look of quiet amusement. I waited silently for her to ask me what I could see she wanted to. A metallic clank sounded and the hits of a quick paced, hard walk could be heard. It stopped whatever she would say. Across the way, the gorgeous doctor who seemed to be carving out a permanent place in my thoughts suddenly appeared, tossing scrubs into a linen basket. Had she changed in a bathroom stall? How odd. Her face lifted and she saw the two of us, promptly blushing a furious shade of red. My eyes widened in surprise before I could prevent it.

"Sorry!" She said loudly and it took me a moment to realize it was directed at me in my current state of dress… or undress I suppose. I suppressed a chuckle, as she turned around with impressive speed. She reminded me of a soldier, spinning on heel. Body shyness of this caliber was a rare thing in the hospital.

"Kuga-sensei…it was a pleasure to meet you." The woman visibly startled when I spoke, as if I had thrust my finger into her side unexpectedly, but nodded keeping her back toward us, the tip of an exposed ear still noticeably pink. "And goodnight."

"Yeah, night." The hand with which I held my skirt flexed the smallest amount and I felt my teeth grip the corner of my bottom lip. I could not help but notice her body, encased as it was in a skin-tight leather riding suit. She never turned around and her backside in that outfit was one of the most distracting sights I'd ever witnessed. My face slipped away from me for a moment. She nearly ran out the door, it shutting noisily behind her.

Yohko simply shook her head at me. "Shizuru…" My name was almost a laugh.

"Hmm?" I said as if I didn't understand, slipping my skirt on.

She rubbed at the pad of her thumb with the tip of her index finger, an expression that fell somewhere between disbelief and delight on her face. "You don't have to tell me, but I'm just gonna say…it's pretty fun to watch." I buttoned my blouse carefully, leaving a smile on my face.

"Yohko enjoys watching now?"

She laughed and answered me back in kind. "If it's you swooning over Kuga-san, absolutely."

I was mildly offended, mildly amused, and subtly embarrassed. "_Ikezu."_

"You were biting your lip, Shizuru." I pouted, which expectedly had no effect on her whatsoever. "Reito and I are meeting Midori for a drink, you should come with."

I looked her way, wondering how tonight would end if I said yes, but her face gave no hint of intention. It never did until the moment. "I don't recall it ever being 'a drink' with you and Midori-han."

Her eyebrow arched and she gave a lopsided smirk. "So... is that a 'no'?"

I smiled in return. "Merely an observation." The excitement of finally knowing who the woman was still hadn't left me. As something of a bonus I had gotten the chance to make her blush as well, even if unintentionally and so I consented.

**Digression #4: Sagisawa Yohko**  
**Date: December 18, 2010… a Saturday**

The sounds of the party inside had reached a dull roar. She was content to simply stay in the hot tub all evening draining the wonderful selection of saké in Kanzaki Reito's private poolside bar. The man was disgustingly rich, even for a doctor she realized. He must have been born into money. She certainly wasn't complaining, as it was this very wealth that had her lounging in the largest hot tub she'd ever seen in the dead of winter, peering at the stars through beautiful, likely custom made skylights. Beside her sat a traditional Japanese pitcher of saké that was a bit shy of full and a set of three small cups she had grabbed on the off chance she acquired a drinking buddy. No one had ever joined her in the previous years she'd come…it seemed most people preferred schmoozing and that was just as well as far she was concerned. This was one of the few times she had unrestricted and solitary access to a hot tub and she enjoyed it immensely. It was nice to have friends in high places she mused.

The noise of the door clicking and shutting caught her attention, but only enough for her not be surprised by the approach of another. Her eyes followed the young woman who entered with interest. One of the new Anesthesiologists, she remembered… a quirky, but attractive woman from Kyoto who seemed to make friends wherever she went…Fujino Shizuru. Apparently, Kanzaki had not been able to resist her charms either.

"Hello." She greeted, lifting the small ceramic cup up toward the woman in salute.

The woman smiled at her as she fixed her hair up, removing her cover-up to reveal a one-piece bathing suit with cut-outs that left little to the imagination. So the young doctor had confidence, not that it was unfounded, but still. Bizarre that a piece of clothing with more material than her own bikini could seem so much racier.

"Hello Sagisawa-han."

She laughed. Only this woman would be so formal wearing that. "We're in a hot tub, I think we can forget the formality…Yohko, please."

"Then Shizuru." She replied, slipping gracefully into the water across from her. "You and Reito-han have been working together for quite some time, correct?" Such a proper way of speaking; but her eyes, her smile, were anything but.

"Correct."

"Would you mind?" There was an indication, a glance and a slight raise of her finger toward the saké.

"Sure." She set down her cup to fill another, handing the small vessel to her new companion, happy with her own foresight. It meant she didn't have to leave the tub.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" The woman asked with a smile, leaning her body closer as her hand closed around the offered saké. " Ookini" She certainly took care of herself, the older woman noted.

A puff of air through her nose and a smile. "You mean working with Reito or you mean at this party?"

"I mean at this moment." The possibility of an alternative interpretation for those words, especially with the tone in the other woman's voice, did not escape her.

"What's not to enjoy?" She answered mirthfully.

"This is true." Her eyes fell closed and she leaned her head back. Yohko stared at her while she reclined, at loss for what to say. Maybe it was the alcohol or the heat of the water, but she found herself thinking some unexpected things about the young woman in that particular pose, her neck arched backward, lips parted the smallest amount. Uncommon for her to have such thoughts about another girl, though. It had happened only sporadically in her life. She had even tried it a few times, but found women to be particularly bad at keeping sex casual and casual was the way she preferred it. There was a common misconception, in her opinion, that sex had to be emotional. Passion and emotion were not the same thing, emotions were complicated… sex didn't have to be. Not that she was wildly promiscuous or anything of the sort, she just liked to keep sex and falling in love very separate. She approached them both as she approached drinking, with a sort of reckless abandon. Her closest friend, Midori, had once told her she thought about sex like a man, that she was too practical about it. Yohko had yet to find any evidence that hers was a bad position to take.

The nurse had noticed that even female residents, maybe especially female residents, seemed to follow the Anesthesiologist around, seemed to hang and dote on her… maybe it was some sort of pheromone thing she reasoned. It appeared she herself was not immune to it either. "Is Yohko watching me?" The woman spoke, another small smile on her lips as she sipped from the ceramic cup. Shizuru had a reputation already as something of a flirt; she liked to play. The older woman had to admit that she found it…strangely enough… cute.

"Yes." She was unconcerned and unwilling to deny something that was true.

It was not the answer the younger woman had expected and it showed briefly on her face. "I wonder why that is?"

The nurse found herself amused by the way the woman danced around things. Another sip of saké, before she spoke, "Because in that swimsuit, anyone would look."

Again that tiny twitch of shock. "I'm sure Yohko is used to being looked at herself."

"You didn't though." She responded pointedly, but with laughter in her gaze, enjoying their little back and forth.

Those reddish-brown eyes flicked her way, such thoughts swimming inside them. The nurse could understand why the residents were nearly stupefied by this creature… in fact she might have been years ago, but she wasn't a girl anymore… Shizuru was much closer to one. "What did I not do?"

The older woman met the gaze unflinchingly. There was such a sensual coolness in it, and the nurse was comforted by that… no yearning. "Look." A smile that was definitely balancing on the edge of a smirk painted those lips and then swirling pools of crimson and chocolate roamed over her, lingering. It made her skin feel warm, but she found more than anything it made her want to retaliate, to see some need on that pretty face… such thoughts. At least that was settled, she would most definitely sleep with the woman. "Good. We're even then." Yohko commented, watching the saké disappear. Moving forward, she took the cup, refilling it with a practiced hand.

"Not quite." Was the response. The tips of their fingers brushed as the cup was passed back. "You looked because, as you say, anyone would, and I looked because I chose to… so we are not even."

The nurse rolled her eyes gently, taking another sip. "You looked because I asked."

"I looked a second time because you asked." The younger woman said, still with her lips curved upward.

"You could do this all night, couldn't you?" She replied around a smirk. The words were to herself and Shizuru only gave her a puzzled expression in response.

"Hmm?"

"Let's be clear then…" Resting the tiny cup on the tile she stood, wading over toward the girl whose eyes had widened perceptibly, making a decision in the same way she made all such decisions, on the spot. She brought her face close to the other woman's, hand sliding to her neck. "I want you." A faint blush covered the young doctor's cheeks, but she did not appear embarrassed or unhappy. Taking that as a cue, Yohko leaned down and pressed her lips to the other woman's in a kiss that was not at all hesitant before she withdrew her hand. "If you'd like to discuss this further, meet me by the door in an hour. I'm gonna go mingle." With that she lifted herself from the tub and made her way to the entrance, not looking back. The direct approach was always worth a try.

**Aside #4: Orthopedic Surgery **_(Background)_

When beginning a residency in Orthopedic surgery, one of the first things the young doctors were told was that the specialization is most similar to carpentry. They would be using drills, hammers, mallets, screws, saws, and reamers. It is physically tiring work. They knew this from their observations as medical students, but doing and seeing are often quite different experiences. In general, the residents at Fuuka enjoyed their trauma rotations, even if the new fellow was not the friendliest. To some degree it was expected, a friendly surgeon was more the exception than the rule. Like most, on some instinctual level they were fascinated by a bit of gore… it was morbid curiosity that drew them to a particularly severe fracture, shredded limbs, or a shard of bone protruding through the skin.

The most common surgeries they saw were ORIFs and TFNs. ORIFs (Open Reduction Internal Fixations) consisted of a metal plate with screw holes that was fit to the broken bone and secured with screws drilled through the bone on either end. They were routinely used to treat fractures of the long bones that required more than a simple casting. TFNs (Trochanteric Femoral Nailings) or IM Nails (Intermedullary Nails) consisted of a rod that was inserted through the center of the fractured femur and secured in place with a large screw extending into the neck of the femur and additional screws down toward the knee. The procedure involved reaming or coring out the bone and using a mallet to drive the rod down the shaft, before drilling in the screws. IM Nails were also used on the larger of the two lower leg bones, the tibia. These were the bread and butter of the trauma rotation.

Fuuka's surgeons divided their week between the operating room and seeing their patients. Kuga Natsuki saw patients on Monday and Tuesday, which she made a late day, keeping appointments until 7 pm. They were her least favorite days of the week. The rest she spent in the OR.

There were several divisions within Fuuka's Orthopedic department itself. Kanzaki had begun transitioning to joint replacements, Ishigami worked primarily spines, Irina Woods handled small parts (hands, feet, fingers), and Kuga who ended up doing most of the emergent cases. As such, she took a fair amount of call, sharing it with the residents. The total caseload was high enough to keep them all busy plus some even though the hospital was not that large. Between the surgery, repeat visits, and imaging procedures, Orthopedics made a good amount of money for Fuuka.

Kanzaki Reito had been shifting his primary focus from trauma to joint replacement surgeries over the last year or so… knees, hips… he'd even started on shoulders… non-emergent, scheduled cases for those who elected to have them. He still presided over the general goings on in trauma, but allowed Kuga Natsuki to handle most of the procedures. It seemed she liked it that way. Kanzaki Reito had been hoping to scout a suitable replacement for Trauma Attending. Several interviews with him and the chief of Orthopedics had turned up no suitable candidates. Kuga was the first real prospect he'd encountered, and he was enjoying the experience of having a fellow that didn't really need much from him. It was becoming their routine for him to pop in at the end of the case, to be sure she didn't require assistance, which she'd yet to. He stopped bothering to scrub in.

The only negative he could cite concerning Kuga Natsuki was the awkwardness that resulted when they were alone together, which was certainly not a reason to discount her. Social difficulties were uncommon for him, but trying to make small talk out of her one-word answers, her silent annoyance had proved quite the challenge. He simply wasn't sure what to make of a woman who didn't much care for praise or talking in general, with a woman who was all business.


	5. A Trade, Natsuki, and Research Team

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.

**Narrative #5: A Trade of Sorts  
****Date: October 15, 2013 … a Tuesday**

Every so often, when the mood struck me, when my work had kept me late… I would come and sit at the grand piano that stood in the corner of the main lobby. It was a donation by one of the hospital's greatest benefactors, the SEARRS Foundation… not nearly as gracious as the inpatient building they funded, but it was more interesting to me. In truth, I knew very little about the corporation except that it was based out of England and seemed to have some sort of philanthropic interest in Japan's institutes of medicine. Ours was neither the first nor the only SEARRS building in this country's medical centers.

I smiled warmly at the security guard, asking after his children. He greeted me respectfully, shifting behind the desk to stand straighter. He worked the evening shift and I saw him often enough that we greeted each other by name when we passed. I stepped up to the piano, letting my fingers brush over the ivory keys, not quite depressing them as I lowered myself to the bench. There had been a piano in my home growing up, but certainly not of this caliber. I had taken lessons for years, one of the many activities I had been trained in at my mother's insistence, but one of the few that I truly enjoyed. There was rectangular glass paperweight that sat atop it, words etched in both English and Japanese. _"__After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music__". _The quote always struck me as an unusual choice. It seemed to dare anyone to attempt a tune more beautiful than the sleepy quiet of a moonlit evening. I looked at the smaller letters beneath the quote and remembered where it was I had heard that name before. _'In Loving Memory of Kuga Saeko' _… I wondered idly if that was the relation Reito had mentioned at the bar that evening. I could not know who she was to Kuga-han, but I hoped no one too dear.

The piano itself was a magnificent instrument, one of the best I had ever played on. The black, lacquered wood was always impeccably polished, reflecting everything in its smooth, sloping curves… simply beautiful. The way that I felt when I looked upon it was almost like being in love with someone beyond your worth. Perhaps it was appropriate, as each time I played, it inspired me to try my best.

_Try your best. _ Those words, words that I now found myself using, were spoken to me by my piano teacher each time that I performed, whether in front of crowd or for her younger students. They were a challenge disguised as encouragement and I understood their purpose. Memories of her returned to me every time that I played…her brown eyes, so dark they looked black, seeing into me, lips that were the very definition of symmetry always slightly parted. I would watch her, slender fingers flowing easily across alternating black and white as though the instrument were her slave. My mind and body would freeze… my heart thundering within my thirteen year-old chest. I smiled to myself as I realized I had yet again let my thoughts run wild.

Taking a deep breath, I began to play, my fingers drawing out the first strains of Chopin's Nocturne in B Flat Minor… I had learned the piece some seventeen years ago… it was my a favorite of my teacher. The emotion was never in the notes themselves, but in the space between, the distance from one tone to the next… that was how she explained its impact. I found it enhanced the experience of playing to close my eyes and so I did. I no longer had to think of the notes, or the music, it was too ingrained in me, and my hands needed no assistance. They knew where I intended them to be and when. It was blissfully relaxing. As they finished their work, I sensed another person nearby. Folding my hands, I placed them on my thighs and turned, opening my eyes.

My gaze met that of the young woman I had nearly collided with outside of Mai-han's shop over a month ago. Her cheeks held the same color as they did then, a rosiness covering them completely. My lips curved into a smile and I felt my eyebrow rise as blue ducked to the side.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to listen in." She spoke, that accent once again subtly changing the shape of her words. She was sitting upright, elbows balanced on knees with multi-colored bracelets gathered around the wrist beneath her chin. A black racing helmet with a golden-yellow sunburst airbrushed across the top rested like a companion on the seat next to her.

I cocked my head to the side, a genuine smile replacing the one I already wore. "Ara? And what did my audience think?"

Surprisingly, more blood rushed to her face and I began to worry that she might faint. "It was absolutely beautiful…you play so well. I always wanted to learn how." She spoke softly, shyly.

I stood, smoothing out my clothes, noticing the skirt and vest she wore. She must have been in high school. I would have guessed her age to be around fifteen or sixteen. I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing here at this hour. "Ookini…I'm please you liked it." A puzzled, embarrassed expression met the word. "It means 'thank you'…" I corrected.

"I just heard the music…and I couldn't help listening." Her fingers gripped a large sketchbook on her lap tightly.

"You are an artist?" I asked, taking a seat on the arm of the chair across the way.

"No… I mean I draw, but I'm not an artist." Her blonde hair fell in front of her eyes, blank liner following her upper lid, the tiniest bit of shadow showing as she looked down at the floor.

"Is that not what an artist does?" I inquired.

"Huh?"

"Draws?"

"Yeah, I guess that's true." The redness that had just recently left her cheeks returned, and I felt the corners of my mouth pulling even higher. She smiled, small and bashful at me, gripping her right ear.

"Perhaps since you have heard me play, you would share one of your sketches. A trade of sorts." Her bright eyes widened and her mouth moved as though she were trying to talk but found her voice had escaped her. What a cute girl. Tentatively she handed me her notebook. I placed my palm on top of it, gently pushing it back toward her as she gave me a confused stare. "Please, you must pick one. It would be unfair if I saw all of them. A song for a picture…my name is Fujino Shizuru, by the way… I don't believe we've been formally introduced. Alyssa-han was it?"

I remembered her name, at the same time that I remembered the woman who spoke it. Since our encounter in the OR, I had been working on Kuga-han slowly. For some indefinable reason, I felt compelled to interact with her, to get to know her and the strength of that feeling did honestly surprise me. We occasionally saw one another in passing and I could not keep the smile from my face or the wave from my hand. She'd at least stopped glancing behind her to see who I was directing it toward, but I had yet to get more than a nod.

"Just Alyssa is fine." She turned her eyes away, not attaching a last name. "Okay." She hunched down, flipping through the pages, a serious look taking her features as she considered her decision. "At least this one is finished." The sketchbook was handed over again and this time I took it.

A drawing I immediately recognized as a quite well done anime version of Kuga Natsuki greeted me. She was dressed in a skintight leather suit reminiscent of the one I'd already seen her in, standing backwards with her head turned, two small pistols held in her grip. Her long hair was floating behind her and a slight frown painted her lips, adding to the overall accuracy of the character. The only part of the drawing that had any color was her eyes, a perfect match, standing out like emeralds against the page. A robotic wolf-like creature with cannons mounted to its back stood beside her, metal teeth bared. I, myself, had not a drop of talent for drawing…a stick figure was the extent of my abilities and I could not even ensure that it would have all the prerequisite parts. Any artistic ability impressed me, but this was particularly good.

"You're quite talented." I said.

"Oh…it's not… thanks!" She giggled around her embarrassment at the compliment, hand rubbing at her neck. I studied the image again before handing it back to her. Kuga Natsuki…that woman just kept appearing in my life.

I suddenly remembered the small notebook. "You know...I believe I may have something that belongs to you." I'd had it in my office for weeks now, resting on the corner of my desk. Out of curiosity I had flipped through it once, surprised to find it was a phonebook. There were no numbers inside it though, only words in various languages, definitions scrawled neatly… tabbed in alphabetically order. I'd opened the page to "P" which contained three entries…

"_pescatarian (ENGLISH)_ - one whose diet includes fish but no other meat  
_petrichor (ENGLISH)-_ the scent of rain on dry earth or dust  
_pochemuchka_ (_RUSSIAN) -_ a person or child who asks a lot of questions (probably too many)."

It was a rather unusual thing for a teenager I thought and I found myself appreciating the idea behind it.

"Really?"

"Are you missing a small notebook?"

Her eyes lit up instantly. "Yeah! You found it?" A blush took her cheeks yet again. "Did you… read it?"

I smiled at her. "Alyssa may be the first person I've met who collects words."

She drummed her fingers on her knee, as though afraid what I might say. "I like them."

"May I ask you something?"

"Um…sure."

"How do you select them?"

"I don't know. I like words that don't have an equivalent in other languages… something that belongs to one group of people only, but that everyone understands… _**untranslatable**_."

"It is one of the more unique collections I've ever seen."

"It's kinda… stupid I guess."

"No… I think it's very interesting, original."

"Yeah?" I nodded with a bright smile. "Hey…" I tilted my head to the side and gave her my full attention. "Do you come here a lot?"

The question surprised me. "The hospital?"

"Sorry, that was weird." She laughed nervously and I tilted my head at her, smiling gently. "The lobby is what I meant… because I'm here almost every Tuesday. I ride home with my sister. Do you think we'll see each other again?"

I was unsure where this conversation was headed, but was curious nonetheless. "I work at the hospital, so if you are here every Tuesday it is very likely we'll see one another again."

"Um… would you mind keeping it then and writing some Japanese words in? Before you give it back I mean… maybe? You don't have to if you don't want to. Just… I don't know any good ones yet."

Adorable. "Alyssa has such faith in my judgment."

She grinned, threading her fingers and resting them on her legs. "So… are you a doctor or something?" I nodded. She smiled, excitedly. "Do you know my sister? She's a doctor here too!"

"_**Alyssa!"**_ I knew without looking who it was. _**"Are you**__** ready…"**_

Turning my head, I met a suspicious and mildly shocked green gaze. "Hello again." I greeted her. I let myself take in the other woman's appearance. It was the first I had seen of her in professional attire, but it was quite memorable. Even in business casual, she managed to add in some rebellion, the silver silk shirt, collar sharp, form fitting, with contrasting black buttons. She'd paired it with perfectly tailored black pants. It was men's wear done in an undeniably feminine, deliciously attractive way. She was standing, hip cocked just slightly to rest a black helmet against it, leather jacket draped over her arm. My throat felt tight. She turned her eyes on me fully, not answering, the faintest hint of blush starting. The question in her eyes was clear: _what are you doing talking to her?_ So protective of this girl, I realized why now. A slight pout cross my lips… still she could not spare me a greeting. "Ara, Ara? Does Kuga-sensei not remember me?"

"What? I…yeah…yes… I do." So endearingly articulate. I smiled brightly at her, which made her scowl. Why her mere presence was so enjoyable despite the feeling obviously not being mutual, I couldn't say. It was beyond just her incredible attractiveness… she felt so warm to me even through that coldness…something unidentifiable, a feeling that mystified me buried in depths of her eyes.

I let such thoughts float away, a bit shocked at myself. "We shared a room one evening." I supplied helpfully, delighting in her wide-eyed shock and deep flush.

"In the OR!" She corrected adamantly, drawing a confused but interested expression from her sister. High school was not so young that she wouldn't understand, especially when the woman was bringing such attention to it.

"Of course." I smiled at her as though I had no idea to what she could be reacting.

"Fujino-san's been keeping me company, while I waited." The girl chimed in somewhat anxiously. I considered she might be regretting the choice of sketches she had shown me or perhaps her sister's mood was making her nervous…

"Oh... thanks." She looked away as she mumbled it. _**"We should go." **_The woman said, clearly irritated and still feeling awkward. The young girl stood up quickly, slipping her sketchbook into the backpack by her feet.

"_**Good night Doctor Kuga."**_ I said in the same language she had been using.

She startled a bit, before answering curtly. "Yeah… night Fujino-sensei."

"Shizuru."

Our eyes locked for a moment and I found my heart changing its pace, but I kept my expression neutral. "Huh?"

"That is the rest of my name. You are welcome to use it if you wish."

"Shi-zuru…san." She said with a rather stiff nod. There was the slightest pause between the first and the second syllable, and I felt a touch of heat starting at my neck. She hesitated before she added "then, Natsuki."

"Na-tsu-ki." I tried it out, pleased we'd made some progress. This was the first time it had passed my lips, and I found myself taking pleasure in pronouncing it, noticing an answering flush on her cheeks. "Han." I added.

I observed Alyssa's gaze bouncing between us, perhaps unsure of why there was so much tension. I was unsure myself, but it did not diminish my enjoyment in the slightest.

The young girl waved at me, which I returned. _**"See you later!"**_ She said with an accent I finally recognized as British, following behind Natsuki-han, running to catch up.

**Digression #5: Kuga Natsuki  
****Date: April 23, 2012 ... a Monday**

There are people who enjoy probing their inner thoughts, reflecting as part of some constant experiment in self-improvement and there are those that don't. Kuga Natsuki was of the second type.

She had no interest in talking about her feelings, because she had little interest in them at all. Feelings were fleeting, were something to react to and then forget. Her mother had been the only person she'd ever confided in that way and she had been ripped away from her with a suddenness that shook her to this day. Feelings were confusing and annoying and opposite.

Natsuki remembered wanting only one thing when her mother died, something real to hold on to … but no one asked what she wanted. People felt awkward and guilty, so they appeased those feelings by 'helping' her, by tiptoeing around her. She had always been something of an introvert and so she didn't mind silence, didn't mind being alone, didn't mind a bit of space… even needed these things…but they were so nervous for her, for themselves that they filled it up with talking, always talking and about nothing, the weather or silly gossip… always filler so she couldn't think, couldn't relax, couldn't stay still for one damn second. They didn't understand that she needed them to just sit with her, in the quiet, that quiet helped more than empty words. They compounded her problems, her guilt, her pain… because they made her feel awful with their pity, their need to feel like they'd made a difference for her when they hadn't. She'd have to soothe them, when she needed soothing… she would have to smile, to thank them. She began to dread those moments, began to dread social interaction of any kind. Her heart would pound at the thought of it and her chest would tighten and tighten, so much that she became afraid… afraid to smile, to speak.

All of that while the man she'd never met before… the man who called himself her father, waltzed back into her life with stupidly extravagant gifts and English mansions like it would replace the only person who truly loved her. He filled her space with things instead of words, but it was the same in the end. How quickly he gave up on her… without a fight, happily even… it cemented the thoughts stirring inside her already. People were not to be trusted… people were thrown mirage… clouds of smoke she fell through, hitting the ground again and again until she couldn't stand it… until all she wanted was to be left alone…until she stopped talking entirely for two months. There had been psychiatrists and medication, but it wasn't until Sakomizu had broken down, begged her, that she spoke again.

By eleven she began cultivating whatever behaviors seemed to cause people to stay away. Sakomizu was an exception because she'd known him since she was little and he was one of the few connections to her mother she had left. He became her legal guardian when her father sent her back, but they weren't much more than strangers then… and he hadn't wanted to force himself too strongly into her life. She was thankful for what he gave her…a roof, an ear if she needed it and the knowledge that adults had about such matters as money and inheritances and getting fair prices on motorcycles. Even simple tasks like how to work a washing machine or an oven… things that she probably could have figured out, were easier with him. He gave her all the space she needed too…as long as she told him where she was going. She respected him for never trying to be anything more than what he was, for teaching her useful things… for showing her how to care for the plum tree that had always been her mother's favorite.

Still, she continued to find the most peace in being alone… by saturating her senses or blocking one out entirely… through music so loud that the bass became her heartbeat or running at night when there was only enough light for blacks and blues. It soothed her in a way no person had ever been able to.

Keeping people away had been fairly easy until she started to get a bit older, until a body that used to be thin and girlish started to betray her, to attract all sorts of unwanted attention in its own right. She resented all the boys who tried to talk to her because of it, resented the fact that they didn't care at all to know her for any reason other than how she looked. She resented the girls who stared at her form with jealousy in their eyes, who judged her because of the curves that seemed to grow overnight, for something she did not want and could not control. They didn't care about her as a person in the slightest, they hadn't cared when she needed someone to. It made her hide her body, always long sleeves, always changing on her own, so painfully shy about it. The attention made her feel guilty for thinking herself attractive, for liking the lines of her body, because they brought such trouble, such superficial interest back into her life. Later she would start to cover her back, her neck, her wrist with tattoos… pierce her body… adorn it with bits of metal and ink that made her feel clothed even when she was bared, a sort of permanent protection. Even those brought ambivalence because though they drove others away, made them keep their distance… they were beautiful to her and the rejection was still a rejection. Feelings again, opposite and annoying.

High school forced things a step further… made the idea of sex irritating, how it made people act, how it made them think. It was like a disease that infested everyone around her. She shut away the budding part of her that thought of it, stomped on her sexuality until it stopped moving, until it was buried so deep inside her, crippled so severely that she could forget about it. Nao had always teased her, called her 'dead below the waist'… but she didn't care… the girl could do what she liked with whoever she liked and Natsuki was happy not to… until Tate. By the third year of college sex didn't annoy her the way it used to, because people got a bit more serious, focused on their studies and not so focused on it, or more quietly focused on it... either way she didn't have to watch them salivate over each other or chase each other around like idiots. Everything that had to do with sex, love, and romance became a bit more subtle, a bit more background. In the almost five years it took for her to agree to date Tate, she'd come to an understanding... to accept the fact that sex was something people did, that if she ever wanted a relationship... it was something she would have to think about doing as well. A small part of her began to question... to wonder about what it would be like, what all the fuss was about. The tiny but persistent pin prick of curiosity led to her taking an elective course on 'Human Sexuality'... which was only half as traumatic as she anticipated. She'd sat in the darkest corner of the lecture hall, hoping to hide the blush she knew she wouldn't be able to control. To this day she'd told no one she'd taken the course. Natsuki spent an equal amount of time ignoring and considering her problem during her fourth year of school. She'd come to some conclusions by college graduation. A family would require a relationship, and maybe the loneliness she felt would go away. Tate was the closest thing she had to to a relationship already. Of all the men she'd ever met, Tate was the easiest to consider sex with. How was she supposed to know if she should date him? Mai thought she should try... and Nao didn't care one way or the other. In the end, Natsuki decided that since they were close anyway she might as well... which in hindsight, didn't seem the most romantic reason... didn't seem like it was anything more than friendship.

Even more complicated than her relationship with him, was a new development. Now at the edge of thirty… her body was experiencing some sort of horrible, completely unwelcome awakening. Her urges seemed to be reviving themselves… and at the least predictable of times… on top of her issues with Tate, her body was in revolt. Like Natsuki herself, the sexual side of her, bruised as it was, would just not stay down. These urges, when they came, were confused and sudden… not at all directed as they should be.

For her desire and response were two very different things. There was no pang of desire when she was touched. There had never been any. This was not to say that her body was unresponsive, it was incredibly sensitive, so much so that being touched sometimes felt to her like having twenty different people screaming in her face at once. If she'd learned anything about sex through her limited experience, it was that touching was always better than being touched. Touching she understood, it was clear what she was supposed to do. Desire had always been an abstraction… one of the many things she'd heard people talk about but never felt herself…. a mystery. Now it had appeared out of nowhere, and of course it wasn't the way it should be. Her body was attaching desire to the least appropriate experiences… like the first bite of that chocolate tort Mai brought her yesterday or when she finished a particularly good run or the feeling of high-end lingerie against her skin. That last one was the strangest… because she didn't actually like being seen in it, she just liked putting it on, even liked the feel of it…just picking it up. She'd always liked lingerie… just not like this.

She'd been thinking about these things more than she wanted to, because they made her feels so...different than everyone else, always so damn different. It seemed par for the course in her life… some cosmic power making sure she couldn't possibly have something that was 'normal'. It was just her kind of luck she reasoned… of course her body would find running a mile in just under seven minutes way more sexually exciting than sex.

None of that was what she really needed to worry about right now though… she was a disaster in the bedroom and no amount of thinking could fix that. What she needed to consider was Tate. It had gotten to the point where she had no choice, where she needed to figure out her feelings, because it had been too long, because she was hurting him without meaning to. It was not a question of whether or not she loved him, she definitely did, it was a question of how she loved him.

Tate. In the beginning he wanted nothing from her, except to be around her and he didn't know how to be anything but real. He was not afraid of the glare she'd developed for the sole purpose of scaring people off. He was not afraid of her sparing speech, of her coldness. She had been so angry at him when the 'sickness' had taken him as well their senior year, when he had looked at her in that horrible way, like he wanted something from her. All that rage had gone into the slap she delivered to his cheek when he kissed her, the repeated, forceful shoves that propelled him down the hallway till they reached a wall and then she'd shoved him one more time straight into a row of lockers. It took her years to come to terms with it… every step they took was so painfully slow… years to trust… years to love… years to agree to date him… and she still hadn't had enough years to agree to marry him. How many years would it take? And what about a family… one of them might die before she was ready for a family… if she ever was… Jesus.

How could she know if she was in love with him? She didn't fall in love the way others seemed to… but she had never felt things the way others did. So… maybe this was her in love or maybe this was the closest she could come? Maybe it was okay… to be just a little put off by the hardness of his body, the scratchiness of his face, how big his hands were… or for things to just be good, never great. They were good though, things had always been good between them... and that was something wasn't it? Better than some relationships she'd seen. She'd finally in the past year or so, reached a point where sex was more than some obligation attached to love... where she at least understood its potential. She didn't hate it, she'd never hated it... it had been better than she thought it would be in fact... it was fine when it happened... but she didn't ever crave it… it was like cleaning or brushing your teeth… no one loved those things but they did them because it had to be done. It seemed so important to him, and why not? Every other person in the world seemed to think it was pretty damn important too… except her. She wasn't a fun girl to have sex with, not that he would ever, ever say something like that… she just… knew… because she couldn't seem to relax... because she could count the number of time she'd ever been able to really let go on one hand. He was always sweet about it… infinitely understanding. In a way it hurt her, that she was anything someone had to be careful with, deal with, she didn't want to be that for him…for anyone. What bothered her more was Tate was starting to make it his fault… that maybe he understood she did it only for his sake.

To some extent she knew what she wanted and also knew it was impossible. She wanted to rewind time, to make things the way they were when it was just them being friends. A terrible thought came to her as she propped herself against the headboard, that their relationship had ruined something that was so precious to her, that him loving her in a different way, that her trying to love him differently had killed them, killed the connection that had meant the world to her.

To get out of this now… it could mean losing her best friend completely. It meant he might go away, it meant seeing those soft brown eyes full of pain she'd caused. It would break both their hearts. They'd become intertwined with each other, shared such a close friendship and small habits and smiles that he understood without asking. It was so much to just throw away. She hated being in this situation, hated being responsible for someone else's feelings. She hated knowing about the beautiful ring in his pocket, she hated knowing he was waiting for her, that she would say 'no' …again. None of this was right.

She looked over at him sleeping peacefully in her bed, in her house… she'd made sure nothing was ever theirs she realized suddenly, guiltily. His brown hair was pointing in every direction. She reached over and touched it, so short now. He slept like the dead, never snored, never moved. Her fingers drifted over his head and her heart ached… such a good person, such a good guy, maybe too good… too patient with her. Maybe he shouldn't be okay with how things were either, not after all this time. She wanted to make it work… no, she wanted to go back. She wanted it to be enough…but no, it wasn't. How could it not be enough? How could she not be happy? What the hell was wrong with her? Why didn't she feel anything like she was supposed to? Her other hand pushed against her forehead, against the pounding in her temples.

**Aside #5: The Research Team **_(Background)_

When Homura Nagi became head of the HiME project his first order of business was the overhaul of the 'Biological Materials Recycling Program'. It had first come to his attention during his time under Kuga Saeko. She did not see the worth of the program, but when Iwasaka employees began moving into Fuuka Hospital, it was immediately apparent to him. In his estimation, Kuga Saeko did not belong in the position she'd held. She was a gifted scientist yes, but she had no business sense, her research was always that… research… she was a scientific purist. He was a pragmatist and that made him more suited to a leadership role, which he doggedly and underhandedly pursued. Once she was out of the picture and after the complete failure of their first study… Homura knew things would need to be done differently. True testing of the HiME serum required certain types of samples… samples that could be readily attained through the pathology laboratories in the hospital, then he could get back to human subjects. He came up with an idea. To put a clause in the research studies conducted through the hospital… a clause that would allow the harvest of excised biological material or unused blood samples for the nebulous purpose of 'research'. It required no explanation on his part, would allow him to gather what he needed with no justification or point person, so long as the source of the material was actively enrolled in one of Fuuka Hospital's many research studies.

He had an eye for talent among the staff of the hospital. He began assembling a team, the Research Team, of the most charismatic and articulate physicians in the hospital. The latest addition to his talent pool was one Fujino Shizuru. He knew from the first he'd seen of her, she'd be useful. She had a way with people, they wanted to please her for reasons even they couldn't understand and she was incredibly capable. He'd been using her more and more. It was easy enough to maneuver her once she'd secured the position of Attending, to remove her from the floor for any study that required surgery, because surgery required an Anesthesiologist and Fujino-sensei was an excellent one. It was really too bad he'd yet to find an acceptable reason to pull in Kanzaki Reito… but explaining the necessity of having an Orthopedic Surgeon on the team would have been too difficult. For now he was satisfied to use Fujino's charm, to put her at the forefront, talking with patients, securing their participation. Business was going well and he had enough samples to continue his experiments.

Homura had two completely separate paths for the HiME serum planned out. One was public, the tumor growth suppressant study funded by Iwasaka. Malignant or otherwise diseased samples were passed along to the researchers and chemists working on that project. However, another separate project authorized and funded through SEARRS was very much his own pet. Kuga's earlier studies with HiME and mice had shown some unexpected and interesting results on the control group. He reserved healthy tissue samples for himself, continuing his work after hours when the majority of the lab had left for the day. Fuuka was a test run, a small hospital… Fuuka itself was an experiment and once he ironed out the kinks, he would take the whole system to a major medical center where he'd have greater access to samples, to patients, to recruits. He was well on his way with it now.


	6. Plums, Nao, and Adventures

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.  
**Author's Note:** I would like to thank all those who have left a review, praise or criticism. They are excellent encouragement and are appreciated. Thank you again.

**Narrative #6: Death and Plums  
****Date: October 17, 2013 ... a Thursday**

I sat on the stairs behind the hospital, shaded by the large cement structures that flanked them, listening to the message on my phone.

"_Your father passed away. Do not take this to mean you should return. The items he wished you to have will be shipped to you."_

My mother's voice sounded exactly as it had the last time I'd seen her. I would assume she looked the same as well…she never seemed to age. How long had it been since I'd seen them? Ten years or so… they were a memory.

I listened to the message again, attempting to grasp the reality of it. My father was gone and as it had been since the day I left, I would be reminded of him every time I saw my own face, eyes more red than brown, light hair that needed convincing to behave. How long had I been existing in a world without him? The message was left three hours ago, I had not been able to check it until lunch… that time span was a minimum. Was he sick, an accident, something sudden? I did not know…I knew nothing of his life for the past decade and he knew nothing of mine. The ceremony, the tradition … it was to take place without me… maybe it had already.

My father. He had doted on me, came close to spoiling me much to my mother's annoyance. We had been very close when I was younger, we loved each other so much… were so alike. Reconciliation was not something I had hoped for, but somehow the idea that it was impossible cut me. Crying would be the appropriate response, but I knew I would not. I had not cried in years. Wasn't I supposed to be happy that his spirit had moved on? Celebrating his life? The unfinished and the unspoken doubled back on me. In this moment, it was difficult to understand what I felt… unbalanced maybe, as one experiences without adequate sleep…slightly nauseas and heavy.

The thoughts that kept randomly surfacing in the past few weeks… they came rushing in when I thought of my father. These feelings and thoughts… were they some manifestation of a slivered connection that still held? Perhaps he had been dying that entire time, his illness drawing out that which I buried, amplifying it. It was all tied to the reasons why we'd been parted in the first place.

I knew it would not be acceptable…I always knew that. It was too easy and I was too self-indulgent to stop myself. I seemed to acquire a fan club that followed me, that let me… wanted me to do whatever I wished with them, or to them rather. It had never been about love, or what I thought was love… not until I met her.

She was different… never followed me like the others. She barely even smiled at me and the challenge of it, of a beautiful girl who kept looking at me when she thought I would not notice, but brushed me off was… consuming. She was troubled, had a sort of cloud-like sadness that hung about her. For some reason that added to her appeal, but I should have paid more attention to it.

There was a fundamental thing I had not understood then… that the type of possessive love I felt for her blinded me. It made me unconcerned with her feelings because my own were all I could see, so much so that I thought mine were hers. When I looked at her, I did not recognize that what I saw was truly a reflection and not another person. I wanted her to feel exactly as I did, wanted it so badly that I thought it was the truth. I kept pushing and pushing…subtly, quietly… too long hugs, touches, innuendos. The words that I spoke to her, that she was _mine_… they seemed romantic at the time…but I could see now they had a darkness to them. I hadn't meant them the way that I should, as an expression of the connection between us. I meant them too literally. I couldn't see that she was not okay with what was happening… and I just kept pushing, drowning in the singular feeling that being with her gave me. It was the first time in my life I'd ever felt that way… I took it to such an extreme place. It was also the first time that my emotions reached the point that I could no longer hold them back, as if everything inside me had been waiting for the opportunity to explode outward. I didn't understand what I had done until it began to crumble. It wasn't until then that I saw any of the torment she felt over our affair. The words she'd said when we parted… the rejection was so forceful… possessive, obsessive, too much... that I did not know how to love another person … that I'd dragged her into something she never wanted, manipulated her because she needed someone…I was supposed to be a friend, her only friend… I'd violated that, I'd hurt her. I had stood there while she shouted at me in the flower garden behind campus, my face closed. I never heard from her again, but someone must have overheard us.

The information spread like wildfire across the student body. The taunts, the teases, the cruel jokes… they were relentless and nearly always directed at her. I was left alone for the most part. It was as if no one could believe I was a part of it, let alone the cause of it. She came to school less and less… and a month later I heard that she took her own life. It was my senior year of high school.

My mother had been the one to tell me of her death. She was calm, though her eyes were not, and she was adamant that my father never know. She had used the girl's death as an allegory for the perils of the path I was choosing, as if she believed the story she'd crafted as well… as though I were some tempted innocent. She'd told me that if I intended to remain a part of this family I was to act properly… that I should consider my part in her death necessary because it was meant as a lesson to me. My mother had been the practical side of the marriage, of raising me…very much about presentation… appearances… tradition…training. Her logic was always something I'd admired, but in this instance, her cool rationalism divorced me from her emotionally. I wondered how much of her coldness was in me, that I could see and intellectually agree with her reasoning at all frightened me... and I stopped speaking to her.

The rumors picked up speed after what happened, people never stopped talking about it, whispering about it each time I passed in the hallway. My refusal to do almost anything to defend my reputation in the aftermath of her death began the estrangement between my parents and I. It could have been a scandal for my family. My mother and to a lesser degree, my father had always been concerned with status, with increasing it. They were neither wealthy nor were they poor, but the goal was always to appear as though we wanted for nothing, that I lacked nothing. Our family name, though not overly prominent, was known and respected. With how deeply my mother had ingratiated herself to those who mattered, how skilled she was in influencing the thinking of others… how well I had followed suit, she had been able to salvage it all. People who thought they knew me, knew my family, did not want to believe I was involved with such a shameful event. My mother used that to her advantage, turned the story on its end, made people believe that the girl had become obsessed with me, that I had valiantly tried to dissuade her of such affections, that she was delusional… to absolve me completely of something I did not wish to be absolved of. The whole experience was… numbing.

I threw myself into my schoolwork with the smile the she'd taught me and polite words that meant nothing. I honored my family as best I could, pretended nothing had happened as did my mother, pretended that I'd never been anything but what they wanted while inside I felt… undone by a swirling restlessness that had to be wrestled into submission constantly. Honoring my family felt dishonorable to the memory of the girl I'd ruined and I had thoughts of leaving my life… of running somewhere far away. I couldn't even attempt dating a man, not even for my parent's sake… I had no interest in it… after what had happened it was a long while before I felt interest in anything. The distance I felt from my family grew greater and greater. My mother and I became strangers who lived together and my relationship with my father became a continuous parade of lying smiles and jests.

When I left Kyoto, it was permanently, I have never been back. The first holiday that I intended to return home I couldn't bring myself to… I couldn't see the places I had taken that girl or kissed or talked with her… not anymore. I did not wish to see anyone, except my father… but it became impossible. My absence at family events, my lack of participation needed to be explained and I wondered what my mother would do with it. My answer came when I returned from classes one day to find my affects had been shipped to my apartment near Gauderobe. A note explained that I was forbidden from communication with my father from then on. I lost his surname as well and was given something I thought of as my severance package, a tidy little some of money that kept me in school while I worked at procuring some scholarships and saving from various part time jobs I'd held over the years. The story would be that I'd become a medical volunteer. The enchanting tales of Shizuru Viola and her selfless volunteerism in the far reaches of Africa or South America abounded throughout the family. I never lifted a finger against any of it, never fought it because I would not win and because it felt deserved I suppose. I never much saw the point in fighting for anything, something that in this moment struck me as quite sad.

She went so far as to write letters in my name, sending me copies of each. I suppose her purpose was to cover herself on the off chance I ever came across someone who knew me before, to keep me current. The latest had me in Africa, pregnant and married to a Japanese gentleman who happened to be a selfless volunteer as well. She had not allowed me the small rebellion of marrying a foreign man. My mother's own little coup with my father was enough intrigue for a lifetime. He was only mostly Japanese, the rest was Italian. Viola apparently meant 'violet' in that language, or refereed to the musical instrument. I had always liked the flower translation better, but that was a mute point as it was no longer my name. I did not know where Fujino came from as it had simply appeared on a legal change of name form that arrived with my belongings. The scenarios my mother concocted gave me an entertained, but empty feeling. I would not allow myself anger over it.

In the wake of what happened, the best option would have been for never to be involved with anyone… but I was too selfish for that. The problem for me was that I loved other girls, had always loved them, shame and guilt aside…their bodies, their eyes, their voices. What I allowed myself was something as hollow as I felt. I slept only with silly, giggling girls who sought me out…because I was a novelty to them, a curiosity made flesh. It was a natural and comfortable role for me, flirting, smiling, seducing… their beguiling, care-free onee-sama. I excelled at it, sad as that is… I still do. It would seem that's what I'm built for.

When I somehow managed hurt a few them, just by being with them… the rare girls who wanted more than I was willing to give, I worried that there was something vital missing inside me. That there was some feeling I did not have the capacity for that made me the way that I was… that ultimately I caused pain for no other reason than that it was my nature… the coldness. Where I succeeded with relative ease in every other area of my life... personally I floundered due to what I would call a combination of my objectionable desires and objectionable character. Haruka, with her absolute surety of right versus wrong, had been the one to give voice to these fears when she walked in on me, saying to me all the things I had deserved for years now, and it is her voice in my head I hear even now…_unforgivable_.

It was an apt description, but it is not who I want to be as a person, I disappoint myself constantly. The things that I truly wanted, they were impossible… silly storybook ideals… like redemption, like the pure sort of love I'd seen occasionally in others, like being a kind-hearted person. In the context of my life, I couldn't even imagine what those things would look like. What I had done to that girl… it seemed beyond any notion of second chances so there was little reason to try, but I did.

When I began my specialty in Anesthesiology, I began to seek out people who I thought would not be hurt, rather than the laughing girls who followed me…people like Yohko, who were warm and unaffected by me. I went to clubs, was still the same woman I'd made myself at Gauderobe… just much more careful. It became about flirting, playing with them rather than sleeping with them… a fun little game, a bit of escapism... as if I were as comfortable with this, as comfortable with myself as those around me.

Somehow, my feelings and my concerns over rightness and wrongness never extended to others. I very much felt their lives were their own… it was of no consequence to me what they chose. My feelings about myself were very separate.

I looked at the phone in my hand, at the time. Did I need to go inside soon? How long had it been? I listened to the message again.

My father more than likely was quite proud of the mission-minded Shizuru who travelled the earth, whose existence had been rewritten to suit a proper family. What I was would profoundly disappoint him and so it was better to let him believe in the pretty stories my mother made. It was better this way, for me not be involved, it was better he died thinking I was something I was not… better… it saddened me that I could not fully believe that.

A flick of color in my peripheral vision distracted me. I turned my head and saw Kuga-han plop herself down on the flat slab above me, kicking her shoes off. Part of me wanted to leave immediately, knowing now was not the best time to engage her in conversation, but the larger part was still fascinated by the sight of her and wanted nothing but distraction… _unforgivable._ I let myself fall into the familiarity of observing her, into picking out details. A small steel box was placed by her side. She reached into it and pulled out something red, a strawberry, bringing it to her lips and tossing the top into a thrash can in the grass courtyard with impressive accuracy. Her silver lightning bolt headphones were blaring, a tight black half-zip pullover of some shiny athletic material covered her, zipped to her chin. I watched her push off her socks, wiggling her toes against the cool breeze, surprised she would do so in the fall air. Her legs were bent and her toenails were painted a deep blue, a tattoo visible on her left foot. As if sensing my gaze, she turned, opening her eyes and wiping at her lips self-consciously, slowly with two fingers.

_Natsuki_…a day could not go by without me thinking of her. I hoped she was as uninterested in women, in people, as she seemed to be… I did not want hope to cling to. Where I was so very good at masking myself in other situations… what I felt for her I was finding, rare as it was, nearly impossibly to curb. I could not seem to prevent myself form hanging on every ounce of feeling her presence drew from me, revisiting our interactions, because it was only the second time in my life I'd ever felt anything remotely like this. I realized it terrified me at the same time it attracted me. For her part, I doubted that she even thought of me outside of seeing me…which was for the best.

"Fu-, uh Shizuru-san. Hey." I had not expected her to speak first, or without her usual gruffness. The tone was in no way excited, but lacked some of the hostility she was becoming notorious for. She nodded to me as she reached into the box again and pulled out a small, round piece of fruit about the size of a mandarin. It was a deep purple, almost black... a plum. It looked quite ripe, the skin shining and taut. I dearly hoped she was not planning to eat that in front of me, I did not know how what my face would show.

"Hello Natsuki-han." I answered, a pathetically small smile all I could offer. "I did not think anyone else came out here." I stood up and walked over, sitting down near her on the cement. She reacted very much like an animal cornered. Her back curled a bit, arms drawn close to her torso, all subconsciously for protection. I wanted to be near to another person right now and this was the closest I would allow myself… two feet away from a gorgeous girl who would rather I wasn't there… it was a tragic sort of funny.

"It's quiet." She said, pulling her headphones down to her neck, tucking her hand into her hair and curling her feet slightly as if to hide their nakedness. They were small, like her hands and her toes were moving nervously.

"Yes it is."

Her eyes kept darting toward me and then away. "So is… that why you're out here?"

I looked toward the ground, it was the reason and it was not at all the reason. "…I suppose I needed some fresh air."

She hummed in response, which I took for an agreement.

"It can be rather stressful being new, I hope you're finding the hospital to your liking." It was easy enough to make conversation even with how I felt and the fact that she was not very interested in it… I was used to making small talk.

"It's fine." She answered quickly, staring at the concrete.

"Reito-han is treating you well?"

"Uh, sure. He's okay." I smiled at the response. "…are you hungry?"

"Hm?" I gave her a quizzical look, distracted by the sweeping calm I felt in her presence… and I wondered if I could wrap it around me, pull it tight enough that none of my distress could break through… I had such strange thoughts around her.

"Here." She tossed me the fruit in her hand and I barely caught it, running my thumb over the slightly rubbery skin, the indentation that ran down one side.

"Ookini." I said quietly… unsure why she would give it to me at all, though it was a nice gesture certainly.

"Yeah. We… have a plum tree." _Who is 'we'?_ I wondered. "There aren't that many left, it's late for them… but Alyssa picked that one this morning." I studied the nearly perfect sphere, turning it over in my hand. "It's washed." She added.

"This is very sweet of both of you, please thank her for me." It would be nice if her sister and I could do another trade at some point. I wanted to see if she had any other drawings of the girl beside me and I had to return her book.

"Sure." She blushed lightly, grabbing another strawberry, biting at it delicately with white teeth. I should've gone back inside but could not will myself to move.

"What a gorgeous color." Such a deep purple.

Her eyebrow rose and the beginnings of a rather adorable grin twitched at the corner of her mouth. When she spoke, her tone was dry. "Yeah… it's a good looking plum." So she had a sense of humor buried beneath her frowns…

"It would seem you're fond of fruit." I commented, examining the metal box full of it.

She gave me an odd look and then stared at the gift still in my grasp with a look of regret. "What? You don't…like fruit?"

I cocked my head. "No, I do. It's a shared fondness."

"Oh." She answered, grabbing another berry. "That's good."

I looked over at her. "Was Natsuki-han thinking of asking for her plum back just now?"

"No!"

"Oh." I said. "That's good." She glared at me as I repeated her words back to her and it brought me a strange relief, eased the churning in my abdomen. I wondered if I could control myself… make this a friendship and nothing more… would it mean I wasn't an entirely hopeless case? Would it mean I could keep even a little of what I felt around her?

I had the inexplicable desire to tell her of my father's passing, but it was something I knew I would tell no one, just as I had told no one about being cut off or what had happened with that girl. I would never press such things upon those I considered friends, let alone a woman who was still close to a stranger. Natsuki-han only responded to my painted on smile with a look of cautious curiosity. I had always been excellent at appearing as though I needed nothing and so I sat there silently beside her for another minute or so, eyes closed as if enjoying the sun, letting myself believe that I wasn't completely alone… because she was there, because we were aware of each other's existence… it came very close to feeling true.

When I opened them I saw the plum in my grasp. I hadn't eaten lunch and it did look rather tasty, so I bit carefully into it, unsurprised to find it quite ripe. Gentling my lips, I hoped to prevent the indignity of having the juice run down my chin. I did not expect to find Natsuki-han's eyes fixed on me, on my mouth moreover. There was the most unusual expression on her face, almost as though I'd horrified her. I did not know what to make of it.

**Digression #6: Yuuki Nao  
****Date: October 24, 2013 ... A Thursday**

Nao didn't care if they wanted to mess up their lives. If there was one thing she believed, it was that everything was a choice. Everyone had the god given right to fuck up their existence completely, if that was what they 'chose'. What was starting to get on her nerves was the slowness of it. It was a bomb going off in whatever was slower than slow motion. The Kuga-Tate saga was an epic at this point… too long to read and she was bored to tears with it. She'd thrown the damn book in the corner a long time ago, even before they'd broken up. If Kuga wanted to become some sad little hermit, moping over her lost 'best friend' for the rest of her life, who was she to argue? If Tate wanted to pretend Kuga never existed, drown himself in alcohol, marry that pink-haired idiot and ignore the fact that he still had a serious hard-on for Tokiha... well he could do that too. Mai was, in fairness, choosing to ignore the situation too, just like she was choosing to be blissfully unaware that her precious little brother was gay as the day is long…or whatever the hell you called what he was doing.

Nao made choices too. She chose to forget about their weird-ass psuedo-love triangle and focus on her own life. It wasn't that she didn't like her friends, she liked them fine… cared about them if she felt like being honest. She even hung out with Tate now and then... he was good fun when he was tanked. It really was just the slowness… the mind-numbing slowness. The pace of their lives was killing her. She wanted something to happen… for Tate to break off his ridiculous sham of an engagement and bang the hell out of Tokiha or better yet something unexpected like Tate hooking up with Takumi… that would shake things around a bit. She'd given up on Kuga…god knows the girl wouldn't do anything interesting. She hadn't done anything interesting in years… in fact she seemed hell bent on injecting as much boringness into her life as possible...but something… fucking anything, instead of this stagnant existence they'd all fallen into. Was a bit of goddamn chaos too much to ask for? Everyone was always okay, but not happy, settled, but not satisfied… wandering through their sad excuse for lives like a bunch of selfless morons.

She did have her own shit that she was ankle deep in. School was like it always had been, an overcooked meal… flavorless and hard and impossible to like. Even with the years she'd taken off... to care for her mother through the first bout of sickness... it was still so unappealing. Grad school … what the hell was she thinking? Sure she did well enough, but it was soul crushing. Even her job at the bar, which she generally liked, was getting annoyingly redundant. Visiting her mother every few days was becoming torture too. She would read to her even though she probably couldn't hear her, then stop by the hospital chapel to pray, talk to that nun she loved to frighten to death with her made up confessions. Nao's version of praying was angry, almost threatening, but she tried… tried to remember what it was like to be a child who believed as she tried to push away the suffocating guilt she felt at the growing part of her that just wished her mother would die already. There was a time she would have killed for the chance to keep her alive, one more day, one more hour…but it had been years, and she wasn't getting better, she never would and the waiting was so painful and pointless… needless suffering for both of them. It was the same over and over, year after year. Everything was so painfully slow, each loss was like a fist in her stomach… her mother not being able to walk, to see, to talk, to respond, to do anything… a skeleton with a machine keeping her alive.

Her continued disillusionment with life in general…she considered to be a blessing in some ways. It taught her not to waste a single thought on something as useless as love. Love never fixed anything… loving boys, loving god… it did nothing, couldn't save you. Romantic love was the worst, it was all give. God, shoot her if she was ever caught walking around with that stupid smile on her face that people got, checking their phone every two seconds, sighing for no reason. Love didn't exist. Love was a lie people told each other so that they'd stay, so that they could forget that everyone is alone. She was glad she understood the truth. It wasn't important what led her to it… she didn't want to squander her time by remembering the endless string of boyfriends, every single one of whom said they loved her mother. They were always leering at Nao instead, hugging her too long, always staring, stealing shit from the house. If she left them out of it, taken out of the context of her 'love is bullshit' frame of reference…her stance could be misinterpreted. It almost sounded like she was just afraid to really let a guy see her, to trust and that was so idiotically romantic that she nearly threw up in her own mouth. It sounded like some crackpot explanation that Tokiha would come up, to make her life prettier, sunnier.

In high school boys had been more money than anything else. She didn't have it and they did and all took was a girlish laugh, a smile, a light touch to their chest, drag her fingers just a little and they'd be handing it to her or she'd be helping herself to it while she distracted them with a kiss. Now, guys were for sex… a walking orgasm…just someone to control and take what she wanted from, most of them happy to give it. She fucked around with the odd guy here or there, used the hell out of him and then kicked him out, let Tokiha and Kuga think whatever they wanted about her habits.

Fingering the cross that she always wore, the one that belonged to her mother, she expelled air threw her nose as another thought came to her, a less welcome one. That damn kiss, the one she wasn't sure happened, a scrap of memory, Kuga's lips… and that infuriating dream that never faded. Like the girl would ever do those things. That would be the day… which was fine because she had no interest in tying up and fucking Kuga Natsuki or any another girl in the first place. Girls were too much of a mess, too emotional, too soft and besides which they were…girls. It was a stupid goddamn dream, probably something she ate.

Goddamn Kuga Natsuki… she just kept helping her. Kuga had dealt with her at her absolute worst, back in high school when the depression first knocked her on her ass. Those quack psychiatrists kept juggling and adjusting the antidepressants they had her on, playing with dosage, the type causing every imaginable side affect… moodiness, racing heart, anxiety, weight loss… until she settled into a pool of indifferent numbness. That girl hadn't told a soul either, never told anyone about Nao's depression… not even Tokiha and Tate… they never knew, because she asked her to keep it quiet. That girl was as loyal as a damn hunting dog, by her side through the whole thing… a loyal pup… the name stuck.

She'd helped her through when her mom got sick again too, for no reason other than that they were friends. Kuga made no fucking sense to her, because she barely gave her anything back… she made fun of her… she put her down… she teased her… but goddamn, Kuga made it fun. She was so reactive, so angry, so serious that she couldn't help herself. Even aggravating Kuga was not enough to keep her boredom at bay permanently.

At least Alyssa was there now… sure the spunky little Brit was an art-nerd… but she was new and unexpectedly fiery. Plus she kept doing hilariously subversive teenage things that made Kuga have these twitchy little meltdowns. Nao found herself looking forward to what she thought would happen ten minutes from now, to the moment when Kuga realized the kid had snuck out… god it was gonna be good. Not to mention the alcohol-laden, jam sessions she'd been having in the basement with her band geek friends. Yes, Nao loved having Alyssa around.

"I'm gonna start charging you rent for that couch." The sound of a fridge shutting broke the redhead from her thoughts. In walked the raven-haired woman with some thick green liquid sloshing unattractively in a glass.

"You should be paying me. I'm the one who has to watch you drink that damn swamp sludge." She crossed her legs at the thigh, testing the sharpness of her nails against the pad of her thumb. Maybe she could convince Alyssa to paint them again. "It's making your teeth yellow."

"Idiot." She watched the woman sit on the couch, scratching her beloved pet who, as per usual, had been trying his damndest to sneak onto Nao's lap. What that crazy dog found so appealing about her in particular she didn't know… maybe he liked a girl that played hard to get.

Her lip curled as Natsuki let him lick her face. "Gross Kuga."

There was a grin on those lips that contradicted her glare, a glare that turned into a look of confusion. Five, four, three, two… "Oi… have you seen Alyssa?" Green eyes narrowed suspiciously as slow smirk covered Nao's mouth. She dropped her hands from Duran's soft fur. "Nao…"

"What?"

"Where is she?"

The redhead scoffed disinterestedly. "How should I know?"

The eyebrow was starting … up, down, up, down… clenched teeth and a perverse sort of glee filled the woman watching.

"Damn it!" The other woman plopped her glass down, standing up, that raw sewage of a drink swirling. "I'm going for a ride."

Having prepared for such an event, Nao dangled the other woman's bike keys, with a decidedly evil smile. "Like hell you are. She's seventeen, she's supposed to be doing shit like this."

Ooo… balled up fists… already? So easy tonight. "Nao! Keys!"

The other woman yawned, pulled her shirt forward and tucked the keys inside her bra. They were colder than she thought they'd be, but she was pleased with how well she held it together, not even a shiver. The other girl emitted a soft growl. She draped her hands gracefully over the back of the couch, winking. "Come and get 'em pup."

The frustrated burst was going to music to her ears… boredom erased, mission accomplished. That was how it was supposed to go, but nothing. She stared at the woman who set her jaw, no redness, anger suddenly down to a slow simmer. With alarming speed she found her arms held strongly above her head, a warm, firm body against hers, and steady fingers quickly brushing against her breast. Her heart nearly exploded.

"You're such an ass." Was the last thing she heard, before the front door slammed and she remembered to breathe. The Shiba Inu that had barely moved up to this point seized the opportunity to lay his head on her lap. What… the fuck…was… that?

**Aside #6: The Amazing Adventures of Shizuru Viola **_(Item)_

_Mother, _

_The conditions here are much tougher in the summer months. The heat is nearly unbearable, but Tomatsu has been working tirelessly with the men in the village to patch the huts with fresh mud. The efforts seem to be making at least a small difference, providing shade and some degree of comfort. Tell father my husband has become a hunter, that only yesterday he and the men speared not two, but three boars that have handsomely fed the entire village. Truly I have found my match in him, such admirable devotion to our cause. A fresh shipment of malaria vaccine has arrived from the American Red Cross and it has made all the difference. I am starting with the children for obvious reasons, though it pains me to see the suffering of the others. In the repaired huts farthest from the village center, Tomatsu and I have set up a 'hospital' of sorts to in which to relegate the sick. There is precious little I can do, but they seem comforted by my attentions nonetheless. Mosquito nets have been graciously donated by the French Military and delivered by the soldiers I mentioned in my last letter. Though they have not contained the disease, a dream I realize is still far off, it has slowed the spread. I've taken to teaching the children a few Japanese words here and there. It amuses them, the foreignness of the sounds. _

_I have news, though I am loathe to share it so early… we are pregnant Mother. I do wish I were not half a world away… but you know what this mission means to Tomatsu and I, how far we've already come, so I know you'll understand why I must stay. I miss the both of you terribly and at times, am overcome with longing for the comfort of my home. Tell Father that I think of him often and that my love for both of you keeps my resolve strong when the hopelessness that has taken so many threatens. _

_ Your loving and dutiful daughter,  
__ Shizuru Viola_


	7. Popular, Mai, and Gym War

**The Messiness of Life**  
By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU.  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.

**Narrative #7: Popular for All the Wrong Reasons**  
**Date: October 30, 2013 ... a Wednesday**

I sat at my desk, a warm tea held loosely in my grip. I closed my eyes, bringing the cup to my lips with my bottom hand… it was perfect. For once, there was enough time to make it correctly. I still hadn't completely settled from the news of my father's passing. It disappointed me that I was handling it so poorly… letting so many thoughts escape that I shouldn't. I'd spent the week herding them, soothing them, putting them back where they belonged. Thankfully, I had regained most of my equilibrium, the depression lessened, my concerns dampened…but still I wasn't quite myself. Before I could savor the first sip, a loud knock jarred me from my wanderings.

"So this is what you do up here?" A familiar form was standing in the partially open doorway, posture rigid.

"Good morning Haruka." I placed the cup gently back down on my desk. "Would you like some tea?"

"I guess I have a minute." I stood, pouring the rest into a second cup for her.

"Is there something I can assist you with?" I began, sitting back down, folding my hands and resting them on the surface in front of me.

"It's about one of the residents…"

"Oh? Which one?"

"Marguerite…" That did not surprise me. The girl…Tomoe-han… was quite intelligent, but also somewhat lost… much as I had been at that age. Seeing her was remembering myself as a young adult … an uncomfortable reflection of sorts. She actively sought my presence, which gave me cause to distance myself from her to some degree. In truth, any consideration of Tomoe-han was the last thing I desired right now, but it could not be avoided. "That girl just gets under my skirt!"

Perhaps the best mix-up yet. "Would you like to file a complaint?"

"Don't be stupid." I smiled cheerfully.

"Was there an incident?"

"She got in a fight with Yumemiya." Haruka was uneasy, which was a rare thing indeed. It concerned me. In usual circumstances, she would have merely yelled at them. "I talked to them both…but Yumemiya was pretty upset."

"Not a physical altercation?" In all my years, I had never seen such a thing.

"No. I would've dragged them both out by their ears. Marguerite was with me when I went to cover Yumemiya's break. That girl does nothing but talk about you, 'Fujino-sensei said this', 'well Fujino-sensei does that'…" I stared at her curiously and she bristled. "Anyway, Marguerite said something to Yumemiya as she leaving… it was in the new fellow's room…"

"Kuga-sensei?"

"You met her?"

"I've had the pleasure, yes."

"The pleasure?" I smiled and she curled her lip. "Anyway…they started arguing back and forth and then the beast woman goes off and yells at them both to get out." I placed my hand over my mouth, covering my lips from her view. I could feel a deepening frown take them as her arms flew wildly in the air. "Then Kanzaki strolls in, so I gave him an earful about teaching his fellow some manners." I felt the surprise on my face… what a scene that must have been. "Then Kuga-san starts barking at me… so we're arguing… and she's pointing her stupid bloody finger at me… Anyway, the bottom line is it all started with Marguerite. I'm filing a report on Kuga-san for yelling at them and I'm writing Marguerite up for starting it."

Of all the ridiculousness. "You filed a report on Kuga-sensei?"

"I'm going to! She can yell at her own residents. Yelling at the Anesthesia residents is our job." Her fist slammed powerfully on the arm of the chair, face pink with anger and her teeth were clenched.

I was staring at her, wondering how far she intended to take this. "I will speak with both Arika-han and Tomoe-han."

"We can use that for the report. HR will probably just make Kuga do sensitivity training. She needs it anyway."

"Haruka." Violet-blue eyes narrowed.

"What?"

"Did you not yell at her as well?"

"She yelled first. This is your job!" She stood up, raising her voice at me now. "You can't just sit here and drink your tea all day. You need to take care of this."

I sighed as subtly as I could, willing myself to relax… it took more effort than I was accustomed to, everything did as of late. If I could convince her to wait on the report, it was likely she'd calm down enough to let it lie. "She may choose to file a report against you in retaliation."

"She wouldn't dare."

I kept my voice even. "Why not? She is a beast, you said so yourself, so there is reason for some concern. Let me speak with Reito-han about this. I cannot deal with Kuga-sensei directly…any repercussions would need to come from his end. Will you agree to wait on the report until I speak with him?"

She crossed her arms, glowering at me. "I'll leave it this time, but Kuga shouldn't be allowed to snap at people like that, it's disreflectful and Marguerite is a snake." She took her tea and swallowed it down aggressively. Though I didn't necessary disagree with her, I could hardly endorse reporting the fellow to HR given the circumstances. I tried to believe there was no bias on my part.

"Do you know what the disagreement concerned?"

"No. What does that matter, Fujino?" That was problematic, as I couldn't very well deal with Tomoe-han's instigation if I had no proof of it in the first place. Certainly it was not a question or whether or not should would, she had a sufficiently devious streak within her. Tomoe-han had done an excellent job of alienating the other residents, small crimes and tiny manipulations that added up more than anything overt. It would be best to speak with them individually I decided… but these were issues for later. "I just thought you should hear it from me." She grumbled.

I gave her an unusually serious look. All that to get to this point. "I do appreciate that."

"It's not a favor Fujino." She answered, uncomfortable with my solemnity. Rising from the chair, she gave me one last look. "I just thought you should know is all."

"Ookini."

She gave me a nod before leaving. I exhaled slowly through my nose as she made her way down the hall, letting my eyes close. It looked as if I would have a bit of documentation to gather in the next few hours and some rather unpleasant meetings to arrange. Keeping focused was another task that I'd found disproportionately tiring. Another loud knock sounded, I did not even look up.

"Yes Haruka?"

"Um… hey." My eyes opened and I saw a nervous, scrub clad Natsuki in my doorway, fidgeting cutely.

"Natsuki-han?" She seemed surprised that I was surprised. I lifted myself, clearing Haruka's empty mug. It was with a touch of sadness I realized my tea had likely become cold… what an unfortunate waste.

"You're in charge of the residents… right?"

I watched her, trying to read her mood, wondering at the lightness I felt as she entered. "Yes… have a seat, please."

"So…uh… Armitage-sensei probably told you…"

I gave her a bit of a grin. "And how did you avoid her in the hall?"

"I… didn't avoid her. I was just getting out the way." She turned her nose up and crossed her arms… so serious, it was impossible to resist teasing her a little.

"Natsuki-han hid?" I smiled, stifling a laugh. "She is rather frightening."

"N-no!" She said, squirming in the chair. "Look… I came to say sorry, okay?" It was perhaps the most forceful apology I had ever heard. "Not about her… about your residents. I shouldn't have yelled at them, but they shouldn't have been arguing like that in my room."

I became serious myself, not wanting to appear dismissive… she had a legitimate complaint. "I imagine with the types of cases you do and the amount of call a trauma fellowship entails, you must be physically exhausted. A petty argument would be quite frustrating."

"Yeah… well I didn't exactly handle it well." She said, clearly embarrassed.

I paused, considering how much liberty this woman would allow me. "Why say this to me and not to them I wonder?"

She looked to the side, a strand of hair from her ponytail falling in front of her face. "Because, I … didn't wanna make it worse, I guess." Shifting her jaw, she puffed a bit of air through her nose. "I don't always… say things well." I could tell she felt guilty, but there was something more there, a sadness … an aura of loneliness, disconnection… something like what had been crawling beneath my skin. She was quiet for some time, staring at a wood block print of the Kyoto countryside I had mounted on the wall. My father had bought it for me when I was younger, when I was pre-med. Perhaps I should take it down...

"May I ask if either of the residents said anything inappropriate to you specifically? Outside of the disturbance that was caused?"

"They were fighting with each other… they didn't say anything to me." Another beat of silence passed between us. I looked down at my desk, attempting to unravel why she was still sitting there, not that I minded. I was not certain what she was seeking… an unusual occurrence for me.

When I turned back to her, my breath arrested for a moment. The clouds outside must have parted… because light from the window was suddenly spilling on her upturned cheek, making her skin glow a soft white, eyes sparkle, the strands of black that hung about her face shine. Helpless and annoyed at what felt a bit like the heavens conspiring against me, I fell into my usual examination of her. All four earrings were in today I noticed, two silver studs and two tight rings on the upper piercings. What fascinated me so much about them, I couldn't say, nor could I yet guess at what she was thinking, but her loveliness approached too much to bear in such close quarters.

"Is there anything I can do for you? Another reason you came to talk with me?" I asked, keeping my voice even.

She eyed me warily, then turned away as another bout of redness, much lighter this time, crept onto her cheeks. "…no." I smiled brightly at her, hiding my disappointment. What I had expected her to say, I didn't know.

Unsure, she made as if she intended to leave and I found myself at a loss for how to continue with so little being given in return. Thankfully, she spoke. "…there is one thing… Shizuru-san?"

"Yes, Natsuki-han?" I turned my face up to meet her eyes, knowing the effect it would have on me, but needing to see them nonetheless.

"I guess I wanted to say thank you, I should've said it outside the other day… but thanks…for talking with Alyssa." I stared at her, questioningly. "She… just moved here with me. She's shy..."

"Much like her sister." I remarked, my expression neutral.

An aggravated sigh escaped her and she gave me a look that I would describe as exasperation. "…About her Japanese! "

"She should not be, she speaks very well." I answered. "And she was delightful company…quite talented." I hid the amusement I felt as I remembered the drawing.

I had expected some level of worry, that I had perhaps seen a specific sketch, but there was nothing. I saw the confusion on her face and then it broke into the stern look I was used to seeing. "She sang for you?" Sang for me? I kept a smile firmly in place as my mind searched for a response. "Well…sorry…again, I guess." She turned around to leave.

I tried one more time. "I wish to extend an apology to you as well…on behalf of the residents for disrupting your case, it was not professional… but I did mean what I said before… that Natsuki-han should consider speaking with them."

She gazed at me for a good long while, taking the suggestion better than I expected her to, and I tried not to swallow under such alluring scrutiny. It was attraction, attraction could be controlled. "Yeah well… maybe I'll say something to that blue-eyed one…" I was not overly surprised she was unaware of her name.

"Yumemiya Arika."

Her eyelids fluttered, as if to dissipate some of her aggravation. She coughed lightly. "I'll think about it."

"Ookini." Again she lingered in my doorway as if she was torn over whether to stay. "Perhaps, Natsuki-han should also consider sharing a lunch with me… to make amends for the trouble we've caused one another."

A flash of shock swept across her face. "…sharing a lunch with you?"

"Do you not wish to, then?" I asked, letting the slightest hint of sadness color my words.

Her eyes widened, and her gestures became erratic. "Oi… don't put words in my mouth!"

I restrained myself from saying what I wanted to given the wonderful set up. "So… you do wish to have lunch?" I allowed a perplexed frown to creep onto my face as another flush took her.

Her eyes shut tightly as she scratched at her neck, almost as if she were trying to draw the blood from her cheeks. I felt my stomach flip as a small grin began to tug at one corner of her mouth. She glanced at me sidelong, jumping as her beeper went off. After peeking down at the object, she sighed, lifting her scrub top to slide it back into the holder at her waist. I did not to look at the exposed, perfect bit of skin. Green eyes turned back to mine. "Fine…Friday, noon?"

I gave her my best smile. "I will look forward to it."

Another shocked expression. "I gotta go." She made an odd, strained face as though stuck in a state of indecision. "Shizuru… nevermind."

"Natsuki-han has already started to say something, it would be cruel for her to leave me so unsatisfied." I would have been happy to listen to her force out bits of conversation for the remainder of the day; it was keeping my mind wonderfully distracted. Certainly it was a much more appealing prospect than what I was anticipating my afternoon would be like.

She stared at me. "You never stop do you? Teasing me is that much fun?" I returned her gaze, irresolute on how to read her. Teasing was not out of the ordinary in my friendships… but was I teasing her too much?

"Yes." I admitted and she narrowed her eyes, pushing her tongue against the side of her cheek…I nearly swallowed my own. With one of those superfluous hair flips she left. I wondered why I forgot all the things I knew I should do or not do at the sight of her… a friendly lunch, is all. It was a friendly lunch with a person I was attempting to get to know. I resolved to think less on it.

A nod was thrown to Reito as she spotted him down the hall, her body language uniquely sheepishness and indignant at once. Gracefully he came toward my office, steaming cups in both hands. I was quite popular for all the wrong reasons today.

He placed a paper cup of tea on my desk. "Mandarin."

"So thoughtful." I smiled at him, happy to have warm tea and he returned it.

"I suppose you've heard."

"Haruka has already informed me, yes." I took a sip.

He looked backward down the now empty hall before facing me again. "And Kuga-san?"

"She came to apologize." In a rare unguarded moment, genuine surprise registered on his face.

"How interesting."

"So perhaps you can tell me what happened."

"Nothing too unusual. It was a difficult case, and with the Anesthesia residents bickering, tempers flared. Not surprising with Armitage and Kuga-san in the same room."

"Mmm, no. Was anyone out of line?"

"All of them were, naturally." A small chuckle tumbled out of me.

"Is Natsuki-han truly that difficult to work with?"

"Natsuki-han…" He repeated, eying me while taking a sip of his own tea, tapping his finger against the cup thoughtfully. I felt a slight blush touch my cheeks, which widened his smile. My, I was slipping. "She is quite talented, but not all that personable. Perhaps you might be willing to demonstrate proper bedside manner for her? I'm certain she would benefit from a few sessions under your private tutelage." My lips curved at the comment.

"Maybe she would rather Reito demonstrated?" I let my eyes fall closed for a moment as I took another sip of the well-made tea.

He was quiet until our gazes met in silent amusement. "I suppose only Kuga-san could answer that, but I don't think it's the case." I wondered if it was truly obvious or if it was simply his perceptiveness. It was more than likely he knew I found her maddeningly attractive from that first mischievous glance he'd sent me in the OR.

"Would you say there is any cause for disciplinary action?"

"For the residents? Personally I believe speaking to them would be sufficient in this case, but certainly you would be well within bounds to write them up if you deemed it necessary. There was no harm to the patient, but they were causing a minor disruption. As you've heard it was dealt with swiftly… not in the most pleasant or appropriate of ways I'll admit."

"Haruka is threatening to file a report on her." I commented, changing the subject.

"That hardly seems fair,. It does seem as though Kuga-san and Armitage have a strong… personal dislike for one another."

I did pick up on that from Haruka, but I had never actually seen them interact with one another. "She seems willing to leave it alone, but I did tell her that we would have a consultation."

He looked at me and smiled with more gentleness than usual. I was certain he could sense my stress, but said nothing, which I was thankful for. "A consultation?" He placed his cup down. "That is best done over lunch, if you would be so gracious as to allow me the pleasure of your company."

I gave him a knowing looking. "Such lines should be saved for a better audience."

"Beauty is beauty Shizuru."

"Speaking of which, we have not been to Mai-han's shop in sometime." Again a slightly surprised face and then a laugh as the two of us left my office, him handing me my jacket.

He stopped before we left stepped out of the doorway. "I hope you will not find this too forward." For some reason his tone called my attention to how close we were standing. "May I make a suggestion?"

I smiled at him curiously. "You don't need my permission."

"Marguerite-san." His finger rested at his chin.

He seemed unusually serious, which gave me pause. "Yes?"

"Perhaps it would be best if Armitage were there when you speak with her."

I was confused and caught off guard. "Haruka…"

"Would be the most appropriate choice." He finished.

"Does Reito not trust me with my own residents?"

He laughed softly, but uncomfortably, which was quite out of character. "In this case, it is not _your_ intentions that concern me Shizuru."

**Digression #7: Tokiha Mai**  
**Date: May 11, 2012 ... a Friday **

It had taken years for her to get the shop on its feet. Sometimes it still surprised her to look at the counters, the display cases, the understated décor and think it was hers… that she had built it, moreover that she had succeeded. She rested the broom against the wall in the corner and smiled at Mikoto as she bounced about washing down all the surfaces with her inexhaustible brand of enthusiasm. The girl was like a gift… appearing out of nowhere with everything Mai hadn't known she needed in her life, like the adoring little sister she'd never had. The adoring little sister who gave slightly inappropriate hugs. Her face was perfectly level with two of Mai's more obvious assets, which she took as an invitation for nuzzling into them… it was… odd, but she meant nothing by it and the older woman didn't have the heart to reprimand her. That aside, it was as close to a miracle as anything she'd seen.

"Looks good Mikoto!" She said cheerfully.

She placed a white box on the far table. It contained one chocolate tort she'd baked especially for Tate… well not so much for him as for Natsuki. She smiled to herself. It was worth the awkwardness of him coming in today, the weird conversations full of unexplained pauses and reasonless tension they so often had, because she understood he was planning something special… and she had a fairly good idea what it was. Her friends had been together too long already. It was about time as far as was concerned. He'd even been thoughtful enough to come to her and ask for the favored dessert. It was sweet really, he could be very sweet… he was genuinely a good person… even if he had an uncanny ability try every last one of her nerves. She sighed, remembering their sad attempt at dating. His sweetness was nowhere to be found then, she was able to drive every last bit of it out of him just by opening her mouth. Most of her attempts at dating ended in disaster. She had lamented the situation to Natsuki once when she was feeling particularly down, who had suggested that her problem was she automatically liked every guy when she first met them, gave them too much slack. She had 'no asshole alarm' was Nao's rephrasing of Natsuki's thoughts. How was she supposed to fix that though?

Sighing she told herself the things she always did… that one day she was going to find someone who cared enough to know what she liked… one day… someone like Mikoto's older brother who was so obviously taken. She sighed, of course he was… he was a good-looking, charming doctor. It stood to reason he'd be dating a woman like Fujino-sensei. They came in together all the time, smiling and laughing, so comfortable with each other. They had to be a couple. Maybe she would just ask Mikoto about it, maybe one day. She'd spent her life caring for other people... her father, Takumi, his roommate, her friends... making sure everyone was fed, happy, always working long hours... then building her shop. Mai honestly liked taking care of people, felt suited for it, liked being busy… but the older she got the more obvious it became that taking care of people to the extent that she did, staying busy to the extent she did had it's consequences. It wasn't as if she had nothing to show for her efforts. She was a small business owner, a thought which tickled her, filled her with pride, especially when she thought of the cart she'd started with. Now that everyone was settled, everyone was grown up, everyone had a life, the shop was practically running itself, she found that she hardly knew what to do with her time. She was left alone with the things inside her that needed care... the emotions, the needs.

She couldn't believe it had taken her this long to feel like she was ready to devote some serious effort to meeting someone worthwhile, like there wasn't so much to do that she couldn't stop. Along the way… maybe since high school even… she'd become the 'mother' of the group. She frowned at how unattractive a thought it was. Who wanted to date the 'mother'? That type of thinking was the exact opposite of what she would need to find someone. No more negative thinking! Briefly she checked her reflection in the window. She was still young, she was cute and men liked a woman who could cook and take care of them, didn't they? It was almost summer besides… summer was the season for love… maybe… no definitely… this year would be the year. Nodding to herself, she glanced at the cat shaped clock on the wall that Mikoto loved so much. He was supposed to be here in ten minutes with what she expected to be a shell shocked Natsuki in tow to celebrate. It was a surprise, so she'd dimmed the lights.

"Mai…"

"Lemme guess, you're hungry. Sorry, Mikoto, but you can't eat that."

"Mmm no." The girl giggled. Not hungry, huh? That might be a first.

"Then what?"

"Tate's outside." He was early?

Curious, she grabbed the cake box, walking through the darkened room, where the chairs were already all pushed in and placed a hand on the glass door.

"Tate!" She heard from outside and watched as he turned, eyes strange as he looked back down the sidewalk. His gaze was noticeably darker. "Yuuichi, wait…" The raven-haired girl stood some six feet away from him. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out what looked like a ring and Mai stiffened.

The eyes of the two people outside locked and his voice shook as he spoke, so low and cold. "Right now…this is it, yes or no."

Mai couldn't move… more uncomfortable than she'd ever been in her life.

The redhead was trapped just behind the glass, in the darkness… by the intensity that was sparking between them, between people she loved, one whose face was a mask of anger, the other close to tears.

"Jesus Yuuichi…don't do this right …"

"YES…" His voice rose, interrupting, teeth and eyelids clenching. "Or no?" It was the few times she'd heard them call each other by their names. If she could be anywhere else in the world. He seemed to shrink before he spoke again, his tone strained. "Damn it Natsuki…if you're never gonna do it… just say 'no' now."

The redhead watched in disbelief as the girl she'd known for years, who had never, in their time together been without this man, returned his stare with more emotion than she'd seen her display in the entirety of their friendship. It hurt her to see. A single tear escaped from green eyes, but there was no move to hide it. "…no."

Her eyes widened at the pain on his face, the shifting of his jaw. But…that was impossible. Natsuki and Tate were… Natsuki and Tate… she barely knew them as anything else. He looked as young as the day she'd met him and as uncomfortable, stock still and speechless.

He slowly closed his hand over the ring, and them jammed both fists into his pockets and turned away.

Their extreme agitation was pulling at her forcefully, making her stomach lurch… and he was so defiantly sad as he left, living heartache. Reaching out, she touched the window… "Yuuichi…" She whispered to herself, lost in her thoughts. Time seemed to rush back in and she pulled the door open. A single moment and so much had just changed. Mikoto peered at her from inside the shop, her yellow-brown eyes dancing worriedly.

"Natsuki..." The girl was standing, with a hand clutched in her dark hair, a look of utter confusion on her face.

"Mai. What ..." The sound was small, hard to hear in that distinctive deep voice. Those big, bright eyes fixed on the white box in her hand. She knelt slowly and placed the box on the ground, almost afraid it might spook her. Standing, she wiped her hands one more time, taking off the apron, walking her inside and folding the thinner girl into her arms. It looked like there would be someone who needed tending to after all.

**Aside #7: The Gym War **_(Background)_

As with most businesses, Fuuka Hospital offered discounts to its employees. One of the most frequently utilized of these perks, was a reduced price gym membership. It was the only such offer that Kuga Natsuki had any interest in. She usually preferred to run outdoors, but the treadmill was an acceptable substitute when the weather kept her indoors. On occasion she'd lift weights, but not to build her muscle, what she had she was happy with. She valued speed over bulk always.

It started as a coincidence. There were no other treadmills available so she'd taken the one next to that cranky blonde Anesthesiologist. As she began to increase the speed she'd seen the subtle sideways glance, the one given to see how fast another person was running. It hadn't bothered her initially. She'd only turned her music up louder, keeping her eyes straight ahead. It continued with the other woman adjusting her speed… it sounded faster… but how much faster was the question. The tickle of annoyance that upset her focus was what made her peek. It was one step higher than hers. With a smirk, she hit the button on hers twice, adjusting her stride and bringing the volume down to listen for a beep. It came nearly immediately and the irritation returned. Pacing herself, she waited until the end of the song, letting her legs stretch a bit before increasing the speed again. If the woman wanted to race, she was certainly up for it. She was the slightest bit taller, her musculature was leaner and so she was reasonably sure she could run faster. Her assumption had proved correct, much to the huffing, breathless frustration of the woman beside her. She'd felt deeply satisfied by her run… until she caught sight of the other woman performing pull-ups in the far corner with no assist.

From there it escalated. They would leave the weights on whatever they used, the incline where it was, the speed higher and higher, a gauntlet thrown. It became entertainment for the residents who frequented the gym. In their self-conscious tracking of their superiors, they'd begun to notice the competition and one Yumemiya Arika had taken to recording the winner in each category by general consensus. Advantages began to be tallied. A silent war, never openly acknowledged, was waged two to three days a week, spectators taking sides. It was legendary lunchtime conversation among the third years and more and more of them began to frequent the gym in hopes of catching the two in action. Focused as they were on beating each other, they never noticed the attention.

**Stats per Arika's Notes:**

_ Height: Advantage Natsuki_  
_ Weight: Advantage Haruka_  
_ Treadmill: Advantage Natsuki_  
_ Elliptical, high speed: Advantage Natsuki_  
_ Elliptical, high resistance: Advantage Haruka_  
_ Free Weights: Advantage Haruka_  
_ Bench Press: Advantage Haruka_  
_ Abdominal Floor Work: Advantage Natsuki_  
_ Bike: Advantage Natsuki_  
_ Pull-up/Dip Machine: Advantage Haruka_

**Conclusion: Tie**

_ Wrestling Match: Haruka wins  
__ Foot Race: Natsuki wins_


	8. Uncomfortable, Chie, and Neuroplasticity

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.  
**A/N:** Thanks to all who reviewed and read.

**Narrative #8: Uncomfortable Reflections  
****Date: October 31, 2013 … a Thursday**

I sat at my desk, waiting for Marguerite Tomoe to arrive. My meeting with Arika-han had gone much as I expected to. She was quite apologetic and swore there would be no such outbursts from her again. However, she had adamantly refused to repeat whatever it was that Tomoe-han had said. A fact, which both concerned and disturbed me. I had gathered that Natsuki-han found her. It sounded as though some sort of mutual exchange of apologies had occurred. Arika-han did not seem to know quite what to make of it, but was comforted nonetheless. I would have to be sure to thank Natsuki-han tomorrow at lunch.

I did not know why, perhaps it was the seriousness with which Reito had suggested it to me, perhaps it was my own unusual instability as of late, but I had decided to request Haruka's attendance at the meetings. Convincing her had required a bit of flattery, but eventually I was able to gain her acquiescence. I had scheduled the meetings for early morning on Thursday, when rounds kept the OR from starting for an extra hour.

"Fujino-sensei." The girl strode into my office, moving in a way I instinctually recognized but could not comment on.

"Tomoe-han." I answered, fixing a straight-lipped neutral expression in place. Certainly, I could appreciate that she was a beautiful girl, but there was an edge to her… an unhinged sort of desperation that radiated off her… perhaps that was what the others were sensing. It resonated with me, which in itself was concerning.

"Will you be down in the OR soon?" There was an obvious hope in her steel-colored eyes. It was something deeper than the wide-eyed hero worship I was accustomed to seeing on the faces of the young doctors coming through their rotations. It was saturated with hunger and neediness… covetous. I watched it transfixed… knowing my own eyes had held such a look before, when I'd played at 'love'. It was hard to imagine something so sinful and raw finding real purchase in another person. My mistake was expecting to… now that mistake was hers. She scooted her chair closer subtly. As I stared at her blankly, at the girl who was so much of me some ten years ago, I found myself thinking that this crush, this 'love' did not suit her, that she did not know how to wear it … it was a coat that didn't fit her. Reciprocally, that meant that the same was true of me. Disconcerting thoughts of breaking her before she broke someone else, of disillusioning her and answering the question in her gaze floated through my hardened mind at the same time that a tiny ache of a desire… the need to save her from herself whispered its existence. "I miss you… the other residents do too I'm sure. Fujino-sensei…you are the best of the teachers."

Haruka, of course, chose that moment to make her entrance. "Marguerite, don't be such a brown-hoser."

"Armitage-sensei." There was a flicker of anger in her eyes that did not escape my notice, especially with the bold way she regarded the blonde woman. I let the breath I was holding go, remaining still.

"I'm sure you know what this is about." She began for me.

"Yes and I want to say I'm sorry for my behavior." It was entirely directed at me, as was the expression that skillfully pretended remorse.

"Don't be sorry, just shape up." Haruka crossed her arms over her chest. "This is a person's life you're in charge of Marguerite, it's not high school, so take it somewhere else. You can have a bad day, you can hate everyone you work with, but deal with it. We're not here to hold your hand. You need to be strong. When you act like that you make me, Fujino, and yourself look bad. Where is your dedication?" I stared at my friend; it was a shockingly succinct speech.

The hurt expression from across the desk pulled at me, but I ignored it. "Tomoe-han…" Grayish eyes turned my way, swirling and turbulent. "When at the hospital, I expect you to always do your best. Anything less is unbecoming of the profession and should be unacceptable to you personally. I can appreciate the stress of this environment, but you must maintain your composure, always."

The girl nodded, a softness in her eyes. "I will." She said. "For _my_ sensei." Her tongue caressed the word…wrapped around it… tasted it… _my_... I remembered the feeling.I shut off completely, a coldness slinking in.

Haruka gave her an alarmed expression, but I touched her arm. With a furious glare, she kept silent.

The girl was gazing at me from beneath hooded eyelids, head dipped as she were ashamed, but I knew she was not. "Tomoe-han…" She lifted her head. "I would like you and Arika-han to apologize to one another, and I would like you to apologize to Kuga-sensei and Kanzaki-sensei for disturbing their case." Two sets of shocked eyes met my words. "Certainly yelling is not called for, but you must consider the patient above all else. It is your most important duty and disruptions to the surgery itself cannot happen."

"Fujino-sensei… I…"

"I do not know what was said..."

"It was a misunderstanding." The pleading tone_..__._ so intent on me believing her, acknowledging her, choosing her in some sense…I wanted to stand up, to leave, but I could not.

The blonde beside me scoffed, clearing not unconvinced.

"Tomoe-han I am not ordering you to apologize. That is not within my power to do… it was simply a request from your Sensei."

A soft blush hit her cheeks and I wanted to feel remorse… for being undetectably ruthless, for knowing how… for my control, my emotionless face, but I did not. "I will Fujino-Sensei… and I'm sorry again, for my behavior and for having embarrassed you." The exclusion of Haruka from the statement was deliberate I'm sure… but her sincerity was believable. As our eyes met another light flush colored her cheeks, yet it provoked no feeling for me.

"Go back to work Marguerite…now." Haruka said loudly, breaking the invisible cord that seemed to tie me to the girl. She lifted herself with a smile, a gaze that lingered just a beat longer than it should have, that was clearly meant only for me and left with another thrown over her shoulder.

The blonde woman beside me was less than pleased, but I found that I did not care, I cared about not being in this office any longer. "The way that she is with you…you can't just let it go." Her index finger hovered near my left temple, her fist hitting the desk. "You have to say something, Fujino. What is wrong with you?"

I simply could not listen, could not hear her say the things she had already… her voice and that finger, they forged a trenchant blade sliding straight between my eyes, bringing everything back. _What is wrong with you?… two women together like that… What has gotten into you Shizuru, honestly, this is completely unacceptable…_ "Ookini, Haruka…for your assistance. Pardon me. " I walked past her, never looking at her, moving down the hall. I climbed the stairs, as near as I ever come to running… up toward the quietest place I knew.

Stepping onto the rooftop garden that sat off of the neonatal intensive care unit, I was overcome with the desire to lie on the cool earth of the flowerbeds, to sink into it, to bury myself so I could see, smell, taste nothing else… such an odd thought. I sat on the wrought iron chair delicately, crossing my legs at the ankle, staring out into the city before letting my eyes fall closed, letting the brightness of the sun blanket me. Very few souls ever came out here… it was tucked away and poorly signed on purpose, so that families who needed it could have their privacy, their quiet grief.

I was disappointed in myself more than anything else, for reacting to Tomoe-han, for the echoing memories her feelings provoked. Perhaps that was the problem …I did to some extent want to help her, but was ill-equipped for such an undertaking. I wanted to be away from her, from the things she reminded me of, more than I wanted to fumble through imparting advice on something I myself failed at. I wanted to believe I understood now, was capable of better… of course my thoughts wandered to Natsuki-han. I considered the way I was hanging about her yet again. Why was I questioning everything to this degree? Should the presence of feeling preclude friendship in mine and Tomoe-han's case? Did I not feel for my friends?

_Ara, ara_…where had the solidity in my life gone off to? I'd let it run away, hadn't I? I pressed my hands together, cradling the side of my face against them, and smiled up toward a sky whose vastness seemed to mock the triviality of my concerns.

"I thought that was you." The nurse walked over and took a seat across from me. "Something wrong beautiful?"

"Good morning Chie." When I opened my eyes, sending her a smile, she was sitting already, legs crossed at her thighs, trendy half-rim glasses perched on her nose. We had met a few years ago, when I'd started seeking out people more like myself. It was at a bar of all places. Initially, we had flirted while waiting for drinks, but I'd quickly realized it was just that. Any lingering doubt was chased away when her partner approached, there was no misunderstanding the look that passed between them. I was quite pleased when they continued to talk with me, when Chie and I found we worked at the same hospital, when it blossomed into a friendship with both of them. They were the first people with similar preferences I had ever been close to…it was rather eye opening… to have friendships where censorship, where testing reactions was unnecessary. There was also the fact that dancing with Aoi was an experience and watching her dance with Chie, a revelation.

"You know, if you ever actually answer that question, I might just die of shock Shizuru." Chie was an exceptionally perceptive individual and so she had remarkable success in determining my mood, despite what was showing on my face.

"Kanin-na. I shall have to be careful then, Aoi would never forgive me. I simply came for a moment of peace."

"Am I ruining it?" She asked lightly.

"Don't be silly." I glanced her way. "Your day is going well?"

"The babies have been quiet, but it's early." She rested an arm on the table in front of us, chin balanced on the base of her palm. Her face was proof that a woman could be devilishly handsome.

"And how is Aoi?"

I watched a gentle smile creep across her face. "She's perfect." They were very much in love with each other, the pure sort that reminded me I'd only ever crawled around the idea, grasping at it like a child who can't reach. They wore it well…coats that fit I thought wryly. It did give me some solace to see them walking together, smiling at one another as if there was not a thing in the world wrong with how they felt. Truthfully, I was jealous of them, of their total acceptance of it…two good people who had what they deserved. "You haven't come out with us in awhile. I was beginning to think Kanzaki-sensei finally wore you down."

I giggled. "The rumors still persist, then?" It seemed even without her other half, Chie's presence had a sort of calming affect…

"Not that you two help it any." I dipped my head in concession to the point. "I heard his new trauma fellow is giving him trouble."

It was curious that she succeeded in uncovering information, even with entire departments between her and those involved… "I do not understand how you are able to find these things out."

"I have a network." She eyed me with a glint of playfulness. "People say she's pretty though. Have you met her?"

I exhaled, feeling myself relax further at the thought of Natsuki-han's beautiful face bathed in sunlight in my office. "Pretty is not the word."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." I smiled and said nothing. "You really should come over, for dinner at least. Keiko-chan misses you terribly, you know how she feels about you."

"Indeed. It was love at first sight, for both of us." My smile broadened as I thought of their daughter, who even at the age of six, was a mirror of Aoi. She and I got along well… children seemed to like me, perhaps because I smiled so much. She professed a great fondness for my height as well, which touched me because she was so very small a child for her age… and already she was reaching for the unattainable. "I cannot refuse so tempting an offer."

"I'm gonna hold you to that, bring whoever with." It was a none too subtle hint.

"That's very sweet of you." Resting a finger against my face, I gazed at a cloud that shifted and drew apart as it floated by.

"I have to get back, but it was nice to see you Shizuru… don't be such a stranger." She squeezed my shoulder and I patted her hand.

"Please, give Aoi my best."

She winked at me. "I hope you find that peace you were looking for."

I gave her a bright smile, which she answered with a smirk before disappearing back inside. I hoped so too. Resignedly I lifted myself from the chair, deciding I would walk through the small bakeshop on the first floor. Coffee… more accurately espresso, was my father's favorite drink and a constant bone of contention between my parents… that absurdly large machine with its gleaming silver and odd assortment of handles and knobs. Perhaps it was my own way of grieving, seeking out the smell. I wondered sometimes why it was acceptable to me to indulge these sorts of eccentricities.

The very machine had arrived on my doorstep yesterday evening with my father's collection of antique weaponry, something that had been passed down from his father and his father before him. Two things I could not be certain why he wished me to have, but reminded me so strongly of him that I'd lost myself staring at each piece, not able to get through more than a single box. The image of him cleaning and polishing a blade… it was clear as day. The third and final piece of my inheritance was too large, in my estimation, to be considered an 'item', as my mother had put it. A gleaming, vicious looking car was, to my shock, delivered as well on the back of a small tow truck.

My father had scrimped and saved as long as I could remember for sports cars, which he purchased periodically. They were a symbol… an outward statement that he was not held by the restrictions of class, that he could reach as high as he wanted. I hadn't the slightest idea what sort of car this was, but I did not have much interest in cars, or antique weaponry, or espresso for that matter… so I suppose that was not overly surprising. The reason he'd wanted me to have it was yet another mystery there would be no answer to. According to the documents that arrived with it, the machine was ludicrously expensive … the price of a small house, which suggested my parents had a great deal more money now than they did when I was growing up. I wondered what had changed.

I made my way to the visitor's elevators, a set I had never taken as I preferred the silence and privacy of the stairwell the few times I was in the type of mood it took to drive me to this place. As I waited, the photos covering the wall drew my attention, all preemies, all collages and 'thank yous', of survivors… how very precious. A Christmas card I recognized caught my eye and I walked forward slowly, reading the words in the middle… Harada Keiko, born at 30 weeks, 3 lbs 1 oz … February 12th. My gaze followed the rectangular frame, looking at each black and white picture, the first of a baby, tubes taped to her nose, a tiny knit cap on her head…so painfully small, resting against Aoi's chest. Chie was staring at the both of them with such a serious look, as if afraid to take her eyes away. Six Christmas cards, one for each year stuck like ribbons from beneath the frame, vibrating gently in the heated air from a vent. It was surreal to see the same one that rested atop one of my shelves at home, to know that I had held this child on my lap, brought her presents and yet this wall knew more of her life than I did.

**Digression #8: Harada Chie **  
**Date: February 13, 2007 … a Tuesday**

She'd always been something of a flirt. It was in her nature, to smile in the way she did, full eye contact. Chie had always been a people person. She'd been willing to talk to almost anyone since she was little, when her mother still warned her not to. People were fascinating. They did such interesting things, made such interesting choices, and she found she had an unquenchable thirst for knowing who was doing what and why. As a people person it was easy for her to enter conversations and as a flirt it was equally easy for her to draw them in. Harada Chie used her talents to avoid the pitfalls that had toppled the careers of so many other would be gossips. She'd been able to collect information as others collected toys or dolls. She'd done it by being a person that people wanted to talk to. Her gossip was never malicious, because it was never about using the information, it was always about the pleasure of knowing it. Her cell phone was nearly an extension of her hand by high school, always on and ready to snap a photograph, to grab a memory. People came to her for information and she sought new people out… she knew everyone and nearly everything there was to know about them. It was a wonderful little game.

She'd found the perfect compliment to her easy way in Aoi. They'd met in middle school and took to each other immediately, falling into sync almost effortlessly. The girl was so friendly, so happy, so quietly devious… so different and yet so very much like her. They began spending a lot of time together, became best friends. An only child, Chie found it fascinating to watch the four Senoh children interact, squabble, wrestle, harass each other. She found it amusing to watch Aoi's method of revenge on her much larger brothers, which solely involved a pouncing sneak attack and then running from the room. It never ended well for her, but Chie admired her perseverance… and watching her run wasn't half bad either. That had been at the beginning, but by the time they got to high school, there was no watching… her siblings were perfectly comfortable flipping Chie over their shoulders too, poking fun, making faces at her. She fought the assaults smarter, made chit-chat with jilted exes, gathered secrets on the three of them, which somehow fell into their little sister's possession to use at her discretion. She wondered how Aoi survived being such a girl in that sort of environment… maybe because her and her mother were so close.

In retrospect, their friendship seemed destined for more because she couldn't imagine anything else… anyone else. Sure they were both a bit scared, a bit nervous about their developing feelings, about how the other would react… but that all fell away the first time their lips met and it never returned.

Their lives together had been simple…the kisses, the touches, their families embracing it, the wedding they had even if it wasn't technically legal, the careers, the house… it had always gone well, better than well. Smooth sailing… to the point that she forgot that they were lucky… she forgot what rough waters felt like, forgot they existed… a charmed life they had, a beautiful one.

When they'd decided to have a baby… that went smoothly too. Her cousin who just happened to be gay, who just happened to look so much like her, who just happened to be willing… who gave them the chance to have a child with a bit of both of them in there. Shared genes… it was more than a donor would have permitted. She'd never even considered that something could go wrong with anything, with the pregnancy. She had no reason to think anything could happen… but it did… and it knocked them both down with the force of a hurricane. Pre-eclampsia and so early… the doctors talking about monitoring Aoi closely and then her blood pressure… the emergency caesarean… it all happened outside of time, so fast, but suspended and almost untouchable in her mind.

As she sat beside the hospital bed, looking at the woman with tubes sticking from her arms, a nasal cannula fixed in place, something occurred to her. She'd been taking everything for granted. What they shared, the ease they felt with each other, in each other… it was rare. Their love was rare and she didn't know that Aoi knew it. She didn't know that she'd told her. She didn't know if the woman she'd nearly lost was aware that she'd been the best thing that ever happened to her, that she loved her in a way she couldn't put into words. The thought that it could have ended with the woman in bed not understanding, with she herself not truly understanding that Aoi was her heart and her reason… it was heartbreaking.

She may have been a nurse, but all of this looked so wrong when it was attached to the girl she loved. As the beeping machine blinked at her, she made a vow to herself. She would make Aoi understand, she would love her in such a way that she would never have cause to doubt. She would erase the possibility of that sort of regret.

Laying her head on the hospital bed, she took the woman's hand in hers, thinking of the tiny baby's screeching cry, of Aoi's skin going deathly pale. She turned the woman's wedding band around her finger… feeling the hot tears on her cheeks. There was really no use in crying… Keiko was okay… the baby had a long road ahead, but for now she was okay… and Aoi was okay. They could have died… either her or the baby or… both. She felt the same flash of anger she had at the beginning… she wanted to blame someone, the doctors, the nurses, but it was one of those things that just happened. There was no reason and it was no one's fault.

She felt a shaky hand in her black hair and startled, eyes meeting hazy blue.

"Aoi?" It was a whisper and a question.

"Keiko…" The voice was broken with dryness.

"She's okay. I just came down from seeing her." She spoke quietly, hearing a sigh of relief.

The brunette's hand trailed down, a thumb wiping away the wetness on her lover's cheek. "… how come you're all the way down there Chie-chan?"

Tears fell from the other woman's eyes as well and she crawled up to meet her. "They're taking good care of her. I promise." It was not just to comfort Aoi, but to reassure herself, to say those words aloud so that she could hear them too. "We'll go up when you're ready."

"Mmmkay." The brunette whispered groggily, staring at the ceiling as she rested her cheek atop the dark head on her chest. Chie wondered how much she was really understanding at the moment. "I feel awful."

Eyes closed, pushing the last bit of moisture through, before she found her voice. "I bet. God, you scared me…"

Lazy, slightly uncoordinated fingers drifted through black strands, it almost tickled her. "I'm sorry."

Lips pressed to her chest where the skin peeked above the hospital gown. "Don't be sorry."

"…your hair smells good." It was said slowly and with a dreamy sort of happiness.

She smirked despite herself. "It does, huh?"

"Mmm... like coconuts." Aoi tilted her head back as if it were too heavy, medication still swirling in her system, making her eyelids slip down. The other woman recognized the look and made a note to find out what they'd given her and how much. "Chie-chan?"

"What is it?"

"I don't think we should ever do that again…it wasn't very fun."

A small laugh tumbled from her and she held the woman gently, careful with her sore body as she drifted back to sleep. "I can live with that." She whispered, closing her own eyes as she pressed her lips to skin that was warm with life one more time.

**Aside #8: Neuroplasticity and the Human Brain **_(Thought)_

Neuroplasticity is a term that refers to the capability of synapses in the human brain to rearrange themselves. They do so in response to repeated behavioral modifications, environmental stimuli, or to compensate for brain injury. In short, it is the idea that the brain is trainable and adaptable. Fuuka's latest lecture had been on this particular subject and functional MRI imaging. Kuga Natsuki had been attending for educational credits.

She'd sat at her computer for three nights in a row after the presentation, scouring the internet and the professional reference libraries her position granted her access to, for articles on the topic.

It was a viable explanation for what she was currently experiencing… the only one she'd yet found for her problems. A brain injury… probably from her coma…or was it her ignoring her wants, quiet and sparing as they were… that caused her brain to change itself? To rewire and reconnect so randomly? Maybe there had been an underlying biological cause all along. Running, chocolate, lingerie… she could live with those… they were manageable… but that twisting shock in her abdomen when that Kyoto-ben doctor said her name or when her lips closed around that plum… it was… unacceptable. All of it had to be part of some larger, encompassing diagnosis. Whatever part of her brain was responsible for managing her desire must've rerouted itself she decided, either because it was damaged in the accident or she forced it into retreat. It must have somehow gotten tangled up in her sensory perception… because all of what she felt was sense based... tastes, sights, touches, sounds. She didn't know if that was possible even…she wasn't a Neurologist…maybe she was just going crazy… the stress of working too much, not enough sleep.

She laid her head down on the cool desk beside the glowing laptop, sighing and dragging squares across her home screen despondently with the trackpad. From a logically standpoint, her reactions to Shizuru-san made even less sense to her than any of the other experiences did.

It was just her name, a million people said it to her a million times and it never did… _that_. She'd heard many people speak Kyoto-ben before so that wasn't it either. And the damn fruit? She was eating something, that in itself shouldn't be attractive. Watching someone eat? Baseline it was disgusting… all practicality and bizarre mashing, chomping, and slurping noises. They were just lips. What did the color of them matter as they dragged against the dark purple skin of that rounded…no, it was signals, electric impulses getting crossed up inside her head.

Out of curiosity she righted herself and performed a search for the word 'pink'. She scrolled through the squares of color, trying to find one that looked closest and then stared at it… hard… very hard in fact, and nothing. Tried the same with 'dark purple'… again nothing. Sighing loudly at her lack of reaction, she closed the window. Being around that woman, irrespective of the plum or the voice… just being near her was triggering weird responses… it was like a smell she knew but couldn't place, a familiar face on a definite stranger, wanting her to stay and leave at the same time. Something about her … it had to be something, she needed to figure out what.

…Or maybe if she swallowed down the feeling, pushed back against it, she'd kick herself out of it like she did when she was so much younger. Maybe if she slammed her head against a wall for long enough, well that might work too.

She cursed this stupid, impractical manifestation of her body's resourcefulness and decided she would never, ever give that woman a piece of fruit again.


	9. Eat Your Own, Yukino, and Buy the Car

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: ** M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.  
**A/N:** Thanks to all who are reviewing/reading this fan fiction.

**Narrative #9: Eat Your Own  
****Date: November 1, 2013… a Friday**

"…hey." Her dark head popped into my office.

I blinked as I took in her outfit, as she walked over and leaned against the corner of my desk, beside where I was sitting. The way she was dressed surprised me. A white shirt covered her, sleeves pushed to the elbows with a pale green scarf draped around her neck. The thin material clung to her lithe frame as she stretched her arms backward, gripping the edge of the desktop, long legs crossing, hair hanging like silk around her face. Frame hugging dark jeans and a pair of leather-riding boots covered her legs. Of course, her watch was still there as always. She looked much softer like this. I threaded my fingers together, willing myself still. I could not help but question how aware she was of her own attractiveness. "Natsuki-han is not dressed for work, was she off today?"

"Yeah." I noticed the tiny silver stud in her left nostril with interest.

I smiled at her, resting my chin on folded hands. "You came in just to have lunch with me? How sweet."

"What? I…" Her face turned immediately red. "No! I had to something to do, then I had to come here anyway… and I didn't know when my lunch would be on the other days." As if to test my control, she ran her hand threw raven strands, tossing it to the side and crossing her arms.

I stood up, keeping my eyes on the desk. "So where will we be dining today?"

"Huh?" Her reaction suggested that she had expected me to plan our meal, which would make sense given I had asked… or it could be that she was one those people who didn't like making decisions. The first option seemed more likely, but it was certainly more fun this way. "… what do you wanna eat?" I refrained from answering that particular question in the way I wanted to.

"Natsuki-han can surprise me." I said instead, with my most excited smile.

"Surprise you." Narrowed green eyes met mine, a rather adorable grimace on her face.

"Yes." I answered happily, mood improved by her presence.

Her mouth dropped open, then closed as she eyed me curiously for what seemed like a long stretch. She crossed her arms over her chest in a determined manner. "Let's go and just Natsuki is fine."

"Shizuru is fine as well then."

We began walking down the hall, me a few steps away. I found the sight of her from behind in those particular jeans was so trying to my self-control that I quickened my pace to walk side by side with her. I contented myself with greeting a few of the transporters and service staff I knew as we passed them.

She turned and looked at me, eyebrow raised. "What are you? The mayor of the hospital? How do you know them?"

I tilted my head and gave her a small grin, closing my eyes for a moment. "I enjoy talking with people."

She frowned and remained silent for the remainder of the trip, but somehow she was able to make that silence awkward and halting. It did not seem she was helped by the smiles I sent her way, each time she glanced in my direction.

We stopped in front of a restaurant I had been to before. It was quite nice and not what I was expecting for this lunch. She did not speak until we were seated.

"No complaining." She said firmly, handing me a menu. I found the gruff request entertaining. Even if I hated it, I would never say so.

"I will do my best to behave."

"Why don't I believe you?" She grumbled, scanning the options.

"Does Natsuki doubt the purity of my intentions?"

"I have a reason to." A tiny, crooked grin hit her lips and it distracted me enough that it took a moment to realize she was poking fun.

I made a face of mild offense, regardless of the fact that her instincts were very much on point. "_Ikezu._ What reason?"

"That thing! About the OR room, in front of Alyssa!" The accusation in her tone was quite evident.

"What is it that you believe I meant?" I asked as if confused.

She glanced at me, annoyed and apparently not fooled. "Idiot." She mumbled beneath her breath. "You know what you meant and so did she." Did she truly just call me an idiot? She did…I don't think anyone had done so since I was twelve.

"Only because Natsuki called such splendid attention to it." I wondered now if the idea of the two of us sharing an evening disgusted her, if she had thought on it enough to form an opinion on the matter. Somehow that seemed unlikely. Not that it was of any consequence whatsoever.

"I did?!" She said incredulously.

"With that adorable blush." As if on cue her face lit up and I studied the redness intently.

She buried her head in her hands, threading fingertips through her hair while the color faded from her face. When she lifted her chin, it was so that she could glare at me through the space between her index and middle fingers. "I thought you said you were gonna behave." She mumbled.

"Am I not behaving?" Perhaps I was being a bit too playful with her…

"No." She growled and I was struck by a strange urge to pat her head.

"Kanin-na." I spoke gently, smoothing my voice. "I am not being very kind to you after you have agreed to come to lunch with me, am I?" I had just resolved a day ago to not be so insistent in my teasing… and yet I had immediately fallen back into it. I had also resolved to think less on it, so I tapped her arm in apology, ignoring the warmth. "It was not my intention to embarrass you in front of your sister."

She looked at me, nearly into me, untrusting, as though she expected some other flush-inducing comment might leap out at her at any moment. Part of me wondered why she did not simply get up and leave. Our eyes locked as she tried to find her words, making my pulse tap strongly against the skin of my neck. I was thankful when the waitress came over, providing me time to recover from the spell of that emerald-colored intensity.

"So how are you finding your employment at the hospital?" I began a more subdued, but less enjoyable topic of conversation.

"It's fine." She said disinterestedly, choosing not to elaborate. I decided that work was likely best left out of our conversations.

"Can I ask what brought you to this island?"

She looked at me, gaze cynical while worrying her lip between her teeth…_this woman_. "…I grew up here."

That explained her knowing the restaurant and her knowing Nao-han and Mai-han. "You did not train here though."

"No." Her focused stare plucked a touch of bashfulness from me… a rather unusual occurrence. "What about you? You're not from here."

"That is true."

She rolled her eyes and quirked her eyebrow at me. "So… where then? Kyoto?"

"Yes, my family has a home in one of the more rural parts of the prefecture."

"Why'd you leave? It's nice there."

That was not a question I had any intention of answering. "You've been to Kyoto?"

"That's where I went to school and did my residency." How strangely coincidental… serendipitous almost… as though we'd switched places… traded lives, yet we'd both had ended up in Fuuka sharing a meal. A shrug, and then she seemed to remember the lost thread of our conversation. "Oi, you didn't answer my question."

"It is just that I find Natsuki so much more interesting." I said with a smile.

"Still didn't answer it." She grumbled, it would seem my evasiveness annoyed her.

"I left to attend Medical School." There, a rather abbreviated version.

"Where?"

"Gauderobe." I answered. "And yourself? Would I be wrong in assuming you went to KPUM?" Kyoto Prefectural University of Medicine had the best program in the area…it made sense for her to have gone there, given she ended up at Fuuka Hospital, though there was that family connection to consider. She nodded. "You were living in Kyoto then?"

"For most of it, but I did the exchange program."

"And where did that take you?"

"Oxford."

"England?" I asked, and she nodded. "Were you there long?"

"No. A year." She said, staring at the table.

"With your sister I would guess?"

Her eyes flicked up quickly and her voice was irritated. "No." She was truly a master of short answers. "She lived with my father." It was not what she said, but how she said it that indicated her lack of affection for the man. "I came back after a year and stayed."

She was surgeon, she had to be reasonably intelligent, her eyes would suggest it even if her profession did not, but both schools were rather noteworthy… not that Gauderobe wasn't… "Oxford…is Natsuki trying to impress me, I wonder?"

"No!" She tried to force down a blush unsuccessfully. "Says the girl from Gauderobe." She mumbled, looking at me quickly. Frowning, fingers poking at the table, shifting her jaw. "So… you like Fuuka?"

"It's a gorgeous island… the cliffs are particularly scenic. You must be rather fond of it to have returned here."

"My friends are here." Curious that she did not mention family at all. "I don't know how long you've lived here, but be careful about those old women in the shops downtown unless you want everyone knowing your business. People talk here."

I laughed softly, unsurprised she valued privacy enough to impart such advice. "I will take that under advisement."

"Can I...ask you something?"

"Of course."

"And you'll be serious?" She half-questioned, half-threatened throwing a quick glance my way.

My lips slipped down, landing in a straight line. "If that is what Natsuki wishes."

"Why are you being like this?" I did not know to what she was specifically referring, but it worried me.

"I'm not sure that I understand."

"Talking to me, and Alyssa… then this lunch…you're being so…" I waited, trying to keep any of the concern from showing…_so what? _"…friendly, even with the teasing." She said the word as if the taste of it was foreign to her. I understood that she was curious as to what I wanted from her…hesitant to trust another's intentions. I suppose in my case it was partially warranted, but still… she was quite guarded.

"I like you and I enjoy our conversations, even if they've been somewhat limited thus far. I think we could be friends." I responded, letting a touch of the sincerity I felt come through, allowing her take that as she wanted to.

Her forehead wrinkled as if she were deep in thought. "You like me…"

"Is that so very difficult to believe?" I asked gently, wrapping a hand around the water in front of me.

"It's not most people's reaction." She answered with that delicious little grin again, but there was a sadness behind it she failed to disguise.

"Natsuki?"

She looked at me with only slightly less skepticism in her eyes. "What?"

"I've been meaning to thank you, for talking to Arika-han."

"Yeah. Sure." I could tell she was embarrassed, but attempting to hide it behind a blank face. She was saved as the dishes slid in front of us. Her selections were light and healthy. It was not what I would have pictured her eating. What reason I had for that I could not guess, given the only food I'd ever seen her with was fruit.

She picked up her chopsticks, using them with the same dexterity she had her surgical tools. Picking small pieces off of her meal, she ate slowly, taking noticeable, child-like pleasure in the act. I felt that same difficulty in looking away I had when in the operating room with her.

Suddenly she paused, chopsticks hovering a few inches above her plate. Eyebrows pulled down, mouth locked in a frown, and bright green fixed on me. I was not certain I could be relied upon to handle my own breathing if this continued. "You don't like it."

I was caught off guard… "Why would you think that?"

"You're not eating."

"Natsuki is watching me carefully." I said, because I couldn't very well explain that her adorableness was remarkably distracting.

"It's not like that. I was kidding before…about the 'not complaining'." I cocked my head at her. "… look, if you want something else, order it. It doesn't matter to me, but there's no reason to eat something you don't like." That was certainly an interesting perspective on dining etiquette. She continued working at her plate, speed increased, that expression of enjoyment significantly diminished. That wouldn't do.

Since it seemed we were working outside of traditional manners, I snatched a piece of her lunch away with my chopsticks, closing my eyes as I chewed it. Whatever she had chosen was quite tasty… I would have to remember it for next time I came.

"Oi!" I lifted one eyelid to see her staring at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

I smirked at her. "It's delicious."

"Eat your own." Even through obvious unease, a smile and a sound that was as near to a laugh as I'd heard her make slipped through.

"Ookini… for your company as well as the meal." I added seriously, pleased to see her shoulders relax a bit.

She gave a stiff, wary nod and then continued eating with renewed, equally wary excitement. I joined her this time. It was excellent food and a welcome change from the strain of the last few days. It did take some effort to ignore the unblinking intensity of her eyes. I could tell she was watching me as I ate. To reassure herself that I was not unhappy with my meal I supposed. I _had _made her choose… it may have been too much pressure...

I was happy when she excused herself to use the restroom as it would give me the opportunity to pay without an argument. I looked out the window as I waited for her return, noticing there were a few more clouds in the sky than there had been. As my eyes followed them, I noticed a familiar person pass by.

Haruka stomped by the glass with a brunette woman I recognized from our days in medical school. Kikukawa Yukino… the shy girl my former roommate had invited for visits periodically, a best friend who seemed to be very much enamored with her. Not that I expected the blonde woman to notice such a thing… that would be disastrous for their friendship I was sure… … or I could be entirely wrong. I felt my eyes harden as I saw the smaller woman lay a gentle hand on the other's stomach, pulling away quickly… self-consciously… their eyes meeting shyly. A look passed between them whose meaning I was entirely too familiar with. I did not know what I felt in that moment, but it was overwhelming. I had reached some sort of emotional saturation point. I was not dealing as well as I expected to with nearly anything as of late. It was a frightening experience, if I was honest.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that her hand on my shoulder made me gasp. "Sorry." Natsuki had jumped back, eyes alert, body tense… apparently my being startled had startled her as well.

"Kanin-na, but I've just realized the time. The lunch was wonderful and it was a pleasure Natsuki." I smiled, and she arched her brow at me as if she wasn't sure what to make of me.

That hand was at her neck, scratching. Her gaze caught the black leather on the table. "Oi! You paid already?!"

"Now there must be a next time, to make us even. Have a good day." I stood up to leave, giving her my best smile.

"Uh…yeah, okay." She stared at me and I began to walk away... "Wait a second Shizuru!"

I stopped, composed myself, and turned to glance at her inquiringly. She was up and moving toward me almost cautiously, dipping her head and drawing her brows together. Her body language was almost animalistic and drew the oddest urges from me. In this case I imagined extending my hand for her to sniff, maybe scratching beneath her chin… my mind was capable of such foolishness.

"I have to go back to the hospital for something anyway … so, do you want me to walk with you…or… did you wanna go by yourself?"

I smiled at her as reassuringly, surprised by the question. "Not when such pleasant company is offered."

She scratched her neck again, peering over at me. "I didn't know if you just needed a minute."

I looked at her curiously. "A minute?"

"You never just want a minute by yourself?" It had been my intended purpose in departing so quickly … but I would never have asked for one, never would have voiced it so truthfully. There was also the fact that she was asking in seriousness, which indicated she would have willingly allowed me the moment if I asked. We watched each other and I did not understand the look in her eyes… it seemed she didn't understand the look in mine either.

"It's sweet of Natsuki to be so concerned for me." I smiled as I said it and it had the intended effect of making her frown and forget my slip from earlier.

"It was just a question." She mumbled, feigning disinterest and moving toward the door. I felt my lips curl, a softness suffuse me… she really was too adorable. We walked toward the hospital in a slightly less awkward silence. I thankfully found myself wondering more about my companion and whether or not she realized she was fiddling cutely with one of her earrings than the troubling scene outside the restaurant. However, I held no illusions that I would not devote a significant amount of time to thinking on it later, regardless of whether I wished to or not.

**Digression #9: Kikukawa Yukino**  
**Date: May 13, 2010… a Friday**

Yukino was an intelligent woman. No one had ever, nor would they ever try and debate that fact. What often went unnoticed was that her intelligence extended beyond the intellectual realm into the political arena. Her greatest strength was that she had always understood her own weaknesses. She had wonderful ideas and innovative means for implementing them, but was neither outspoken nor did she possess a strong personality. The trouble for her was always in getting others to listen. She was naturally soft spoken… somewhat timid. If the situation required it, she could do it, but the experience took so much out of her, to raise her voice like that, to argue with people, to fight. It made sense to her that she gravitated toward people who were what she wasn't; people who were all voice and muscle…it completed the package so to speak. Because of her quiet way and choice of allies, she had already risen through the ranks at the Engineering firm at which she was employed before any realized she had such ambitions.

Yukino stood at her desk, reviewing the plans for a plant that would be starting construction in two months… if everything worked according to schedule, which it seldom did. Her mind, unusually enough, was not on the task at hand though. Her best friend, Suzushiro Haruka, was getting married tomorrow… she was going to be the maid of honor. She would be catching a train in an hour. Her thoughts had been falling hopelessly back to the event all day.

Haruka was different, an individual to say the least… aggressive and loud, but at the same time, beneath it all… there was a gentleness that she tried her hardest to hide. She was a person who was easy to misunderstand, to dislike, to simplify to the point of a caricature. At this point in their lives Yukino was the one protecting of her, more from herself than anyone else, but it was quite the reversal from their earlier days. Grade school had been hell on earth for the shy, spectacled, mousy little girl that Yukino was back then. Haruka had protected her, taken care of her, and leveled her tormentors with awe-inspiring efficiency. The girl had done it not because they were already friends, at the time they were not, but simply because she thought it was right. Such a strong, immutable sense of morality was a large part of the initial attraction.

In college it became apparent, she thought to both of them, that their friendship was something outside of normal, that there were yearnings that became impossible to ignore or dismiss. The hopelessness of their situation hadn't become obvious to her until Fujino Shizuru… until she watched her friend rail against the woman who had become to Haruka, the very personification of Sapphic indulgence. Yukino had understood her friend's reaction to the woman in a way that her friend refused to…probably even to this day. Shizuru was not a person to her friend, she was a symbol… she was the snake in the tree presenting that forbidden fruit…original sin... ignorance lost. Yukino considered in this analogy, she would be the dangling apple waiting to be tasted… the thought made her incredibly embarrassed.

Fujino Shizuru… she did not know what think of her or her continued presence in Haruka's life. In Yukino's opinion, their relationship with one another was not healthy… not for either of them… not with what stood between them. It was almost as if her friend needed Shizuru there to remind her… whether of the possibility or the sin she couldn't be sure. Why Shizuru needed Haruka was a question she couldn't begin to answer. She was only grateful that she wasn't there when Haruka had walked in on her roommate. Yukino had always been appreciative of the fact she didn't have hurtful words said in her best friend's voice to replay in her memory each time she thought of her in that way.

Haruka's sense of right and wrong erected a wall on either side of which were emotions that could never be acknowledged, let alone explored. It was a wall that seemed to stretch infinitely in either direction, mortared with stubbornness and pure strength of will. She couldn't find a way through and now her friend was marrying some man. _'__Some man'_… it stuck in her skin that she thought of him like that even once. Yukino had no issues with him, he seemed a good match, a good person… an American transplant… a catholic who could share her values.

She sighed, wishing she'd worn her glasses today instead of her contacts. It would have been soothing to remove them, polish them, and put them back on. She settled for tapping her finger on the desk as she traced the lines of a schematic with her eyes. She didn't even think of Haruka in that way anymore, not very often anyway. Yukino was perfectly content with her life… she'd even gotten married first. Long ago she had recognized that a significant amount of the adoration she felt was hero-worship…but not all of it, she was sure that she'd been in love with Haruka back then. The blonde had been the only woman she'd ever even considered such a thing with.

She loved her husband dearly and that was never a question for her. When they'd been dating she was surprised to find it entirely possible to love two people at the same time. He was wonderful and supportive and intelligent and quirky in the best of ways. Something about Haruka getting married felt different, frustrated her a bit. Despite all that she knew of her friend, of the reasons why it would never be, some part of her still longed for the other woman to admit there had been something between them… just so it was said, in the open, in the light of day… so it became something real. _I thought about you in that way… I looked at you in that way_.It was challenging to accept they that were going to spend their lives with it being an unspoken, a secret, and she'd known it from the minute she'd asked Haruka to leave that night in her dorm. Would it have been better than what she had now? It was difficult to imagine it would be. Yukino was very happy, but she would never know and she dealt poorly with unknowns.

It was not uncommon, she'd learned, to have that one person that you always wondered about… and Haruka was most definitely her 'what if'. Logically she understood that the situation was not really fair to anyone involved. Besides, there was still so much good in the friendship, so much to be grateful for. Haruka was the girl that shoved Aito face first into the sandbox when he'd called her a nerd and she always would be, still her best friend in the world. She didn't know how she would've made it through her schooling without the girl, didn't want to imagine it. They hadn't asked for this and likely neither of them would have wanted it, given the choice.

When she thought of the future, she pictured their children playing together… she and Haruka smiling at one another with none of the directionless hurt that still lingered in their eyes. She imagined herself being able to be entirely, selflessly happy for her friend. It was something to hope for, something to believe in...that some day the only love she would have for Suzushiro Haruka… soon to be Haruka Armitage… would be a friendly love. Moving had helped, had given her time and space… but she missed her friend, terribly at times. Oddly, she missed the things that irritated her the most. She missed her errors in speech, her tendency toward making fists to emphasize a point, her quick fire temper.

Rolling up the plans, she began the daily process of neatening her office. The picture of her and her husband smiling through their misery in rain ponchos beside her computer caught her eye. It was taken during a honeymoon where the weather had adamantly refused to cooperate. Her eyes traced the frame and then his. She adored how tall he was, like a regular person taken and stretched. It was easy to imagine what a gangly teenager he must have been, the time it must have taken his muscles to catch up with his bones. A man now, he'd grown into his face and body…was handsome in an unconventional way. It made her smile fondly to see his long arms wrapped around her, nearly touching his own sides because of their span. He was different than Haruka in every way she could think of.

"Yukino." She looked to see him standing in her doorway, wearing the tweed jacket with elbow pads that made her picture a pipe held between his lips. "All set?"

"Almost." The soft smile she gave to him made him stand up a bit straighter. He had a tendency to slouch. She often wondered if it was the result of having to sit in furniture that was designed for a person of average height. She tucked the last of her tools into the large center drawer of her desk and walked over to him. Her head tilted slightly and he adjusted his posture further under the scrutiny as she straightened his thin tie and righted the collar of his jacket where it was tucked inside itself, letting her hand rest on his neck for a moment.

He gave her an embarrassed half-smile and leaned down to kiss her lightly. "Your dress is in the car… and your shoes."

"You remembered your suit too?" His grinned proudly, pushing black glasses up on his nose.

"The list helped." He added.

She slipped her much smaller hand in his, glad he was coming with. It would make this whole thing just a little easier.

**Aside #9: Buy the Car** _(Memory)_

"My most favorite resident… it would seem my day is on the upswing."

A light frown greeted him in response, but eyes sparkled with the barest hint of amusement. She'd met the man in ER, performed his surgery under the supervision of her attending, seen him twice since.

She nodded toward him. "How's your ankle?"

"Better everyday thanks to your superb craftsmanship." He rapped the top of the now split cast lightly. "It was almost a shame to cut it."

The young doctor knelt, pulling the pieces apart and manipulating the appendage lightly, testing range of motion. "The x-rays looked good, its healing well, tell me if anything I do hurts."

"No, it feels good as new… perhaps better than it did before."

She wanted to roll her eyes at his silliness by when her gaze flicked to his now bare head… to the gaunt pull of his cheeks… worse than before, she suppressed the urge, besides it wasn't the most professional of behaviors anyway. "How do you …feel?"

"Admiring my new haircut are we?" He ran a hand over the smooth surface. "I feel fine, I believe I was given three more months, Kuga-sensei. I intend not to be terribly sick until then. Of course before all this, I fully intended to live forever and we can see how well that worked out." A bright smile showed still white teeth.

She scoffed lightly, shaking her head. He was so strange… "Be careful if you're gonna go back out by that river."

"I most certainly will, though I can't say it would be a hardship to have to see you again."

Ignoring the comment and the tiny blush it brought, she went about her business. "Stand up." He did as he was told. "Any pain?"

"None."

"I'm gonna write you a script for a boot, you can walk on it now. A couple weeks and you can take that off too, but put it back on if it starts to bother you."

"Understood."

"You can sit…did you buy that car you were talking about?"

A gleam showed in his reddish brown eyes, he was clearly pleased… whether it was because she remembered their previous conversation or because of the car, the young woman couldn't tell. "As a matter of fact, I was finally able to sell my cabin. Absurdly expense car to cost more than a summer home, I still had to pull a good deal from my savings."

"Why not just rent whatever it is for a week or something, why buy it then?"

"Because this way it is mine. Otherwise I would merely be driving someone else's car. The vehicle is gorgeous."

"Gorgeous, huh?"

"It is the only apt descriptor. Kuga-sensei is not impressed with cars?"

"It's not that… I prefer motorcycles, I guess."

"A rebel, are we? Do you have one?"

She sighed at him lightly. "A Ducati DRIII. Is it worse at night… or in the morning?"

"Not at all. The cold does affect it some."

"Still need the pain relievers?"

"Not for that past week, it's been unnecessary. I do hope you're careful…motorcycles can be dangerous. Kanin-na for saying so, but it would be a shame to put even one scratch on such a beautiful face."

She held her tongue because coworkers and strangers were one thing; patients were another. Besides...his comments didn't annoy her to the same extent that some others had before. They were harmless, but she found herself wondering if she was giving him more latitude because he was dying… that thought was not one she liked the feel of. Or was it because he had the kind of warmth she wished her own father had … that thought was not one she liked the feel of either. She didn't need a father, she'd done fine without one.

Natsuki narrowed her eyes, but the look was not menacing, it was somewhere between admonishing and playful. "Sneaking a drive in your new car with that cast on was more dangerous."

He laughed. "You've bested me Kuga-sensei."

She favored him with a tiny grin of self-satisfaction and then frowned. "What're you gonna do with it when…" Her eyes widened as she realized what she had asked and she barely caught the curse that tried to escape. "…I'm… sorry…"

He smiled. "Please, no use dancing around it." A sudden, oddly serious look came over him. "I suppose I will leave it to my daughter."

An eyebrow arched. "She likes cars too?"

He shrugged. "I haven't the slightest idea."

Another dark eyebrow floated up to meet its twin and both dipped downward. "Why leave her a car like that then?"

"My wife may drive the thing right into a river if I left it with her. She thinks I'm having a crisis of some kind." He paused thoughtfully. "I suppose she's right." Studying the woman across from him carefully, he gave her a quirky smile. "You would like my daughter I think Kuga-sensei, she's quite the character." She considered commenting on how much like him she must be then, but decided against it… afraid it would come out too sarcastic. She found that she second-guessed herself more often with patients, was careful because she knew she tended to be unintentionally harsh. Better not to say anything that could be misinterpreted. There was a slip now and then, but she was developing a system, a catalogue of questions to ask, the same mindless questions people asked her when she was younger, things to fill the space, things she remembered patient's saying… a mental guide to making small talk. He was most definitely one of her easier patients that way, he did most of the work.

"A father could not ask for a better daughter… she's a doctor as well." His eyes gentled and he looked a much younger man.

She tried to figure out how to respond. "Does she… work here?"

The first frown Natsuki had ever seen on him, crossed his lips and his eyes clouded for a moment. "No. Unfortunately I do not know where she works. We've grown apart you see… and I've not had any luck reconnecting us."

"I'm sorry."

"Nothing for you to be sorry about." He smiled at the woman. "Humor an old man for a moment, will you my lovely young doctor? Pretend there is wisdom in what I'm saying. Let me die thinking I said something worth hearing to someone worth speaking to." She gave him a confused look. "I was going to travel the world when I retired Kuga-sensei… get my picture taken with the Dalai llama, ride a camel across a desert, wrestle a lion, climb an ice wall…those sorts of boyish fantasies." She nodded slowly, still not entirely accustomed to his animated way of speaking, his words that bordered on deliberately ridiculous. "It would seem that life had other plans… all of these experiences I set aside for later, for my retirement? I made a bad bargain… my time for money, money for a later I just assumed would be there. We always feel we have so much of it… time… always feel younger than we are, it is one of life's best illusions I think. The truth is that the future is nothing but a dream we have each day. We dream of fixing our mistakes, of the things we will do, of reconciliations, but they are still only dreams. We don't consider time. So tell me, what is the moral of the story, Kuga-sensei?"

She stared at him a second, trying to fish a response from the emotions his words had unexpectedly evoked. "I don't know."

He grinned. "Buy the car of course." She gave him a small smile. "…and if you must die of cancer, make sure it is a rare one, something to brag to your friends about." She laughed quietly because it was absurd and because she was uncomfortable with such morbid humor. "Ookini Kuga-sensei… truly it was a pleasure."

She nodded, eyes shifting nervously to the side, and then bouncing back to his. "… take care of yourself Viola-san."

"Yes, the same goes for you." He slipped his cap on and paused in front of her. She reached out to shake his hand and he clasped hers. "I've no doubt you're future will be bright." With a smile, he walked out of her examination room. The idea that when she completed her residency in four months, he might not be alive any longer… it was impossible to consider in anything but its most abstract form.


	10. A Dinner, Reito, and HiME Project

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating: **M. I suppose that I should warn this story contains various adult themes.

**Narrative #10: A Dinner with Friends  
****Date: November 9****th****, 2013****… a Saturday**

"I haven't seen much of you lately. I was beginning to wonder if your feelings were waning." He said quietly, handing me a tea I recognized as being from a shop downtown I very much enjoyed. I climbed into the car and he shut the door behind me, returning to the driver's side.

"Ara, ara. Reito still feels insecure, even after all these years?" I answered with a small smile.

He laughed, a soothing chuckle as he clicked his seatbelt into place. "How foolish of me. Perhaps the challenges of your new title are starting to become tiresome? Not that I doubt your ability to handle whatever comes. However…should you need any assistance…"

"I do appreciate that." I honestly did.

"I have not seen both you and Haruka together either." Lifting the cup again to his lips, he glanced at me again.

"We've had differing schedules."

"Working with friends sometimes becomes exhausting."

"Are you tiring of my company?"

"Ah." He lifted a finger. "You know such a thing would be impossible. Should I be more direct?"

I smoothed out my dress with a sigh. "Haruka and I are not fighting." It was not an outright lie… fighting required communication of some kind, which I was happily avoiding until the nibbling anger I felt at seeing her faded. I pulled my jacket a little tighter around me, sinking into my scarf. It was getting quite chilly outside.

"I see. You're simply relocating her accidentally or did you not take over writing the case schedule from your chief resident?" He reached over, turning the heat up.

I was quite surprised. "Kanzaki-sensei is paying very close attention."

He gave me an admonishing look. "There is hardly a need with Armitage."

"If Haruka has a problem with the schedule, she is more than welcome to speak with me." I commented, successfully keeping my tone neutral.

His dark eyes caught mine. "I would not presume to speak for her, you should know that Shizuru." There was only gentleness in his stare and I could see the question inside it.

I softened my expression. "You needn't be concerned."

"She's been acting a bit strangely lately."

"Has she?"

"Yes… disappearing periodically and even, dare I say more irritable than usual."

I said nothing in response, merely looked at him with an expression of mild interest. Nina-han had asked about her, seemed concerned when last I saw her, but I had thought nothing of it. Of all the residents, the rather serious dark-haired woman got on with Haruka the best. I, myself, found Nina-han difficult to converse with as she barely spoke, nearly never smiled, and was seldom responsive to humor… but personality aside I could find no fault in her work. She was significantly more pleasant to deal with than her father in any case, who was the chief of my department.

A smirk wound its way across his lips. "Someone did ask after you, though it was not our blonde friend." I felt my heart speeding a bit and I was afraid to ask… the turn of his lips was clue enough. My avoidance of Haruka meant that being down in the OR required a bit of stealth... since our lunch Natsuki and I had only seen one another in the lobby on Tuesday, when her sister brought us together.

"Ookini Reito… for coming tonight."

"No thanks are necessary. It's my pleasure."

If that were the case, then I would try to be better company. I looked over at him noticing the small, neatly trimmed beard he'd been working at and the outfit he was wearing. Something was most definitely going well for him. "This is a new sweater. Reito looks quite handsome in it, perhaps we should pick up a pastry or two from Mai-han's on the way…"

"That would be rather pointless." I turned my head to look at him, seeing a rather peaceful looking smile on his face. Interesting.

"Would it? Why is that?"

"Mai-san had to close early today… a previous engagement."

"How unfortunate." I smiled to myself. "There is nothing you wish tell me?"

He sent me another smile that was truer than most we shared. "I think you've already deduced what it is I would say." I wondered how long they'd been seeing one another… if he hadn't told me because we'd not seen one another, or because it was very new. Either way, I was quite pleased with the news, he deserved a bit of happiness. "Is it just Chie-san and Aoi-san this evening?"

"And Midori-han and Yohko, which leads me to suspect there will be a significant amount of drinking as well."

"Of course. Keiko-chan will not be there?"

"I believe Chie's mother is watching her tonight anyway. And I was not the only one she was fond of… perhaps Keiko-chan has even forgotten about me, it has been awhile." I would need to see her soon.

"You are not an easy one to forgot." I smiled at him for the compliment, however unnecessary it was. There were times when we were together that I wished I could fall in love with him. Odd that I would consider such a thing now… but it would make my life so much simpler and as of late, my life did seem to be actively gathering complexities. I imagined were we together, Reito and I would be married by now, perhaps with children. Surely all my sins would have been forgiven if I married a charming Japanese surgeon. The depth of his voice, the width of his arms, and the shape of him all together dashed such a possibility. That aside, I couldn't imagine what madness my mother would dream up to explain the disappearance of my original husband and upcoming child... not that it mattered now.

I felt a touch of guilt for asking him to come, for the fact that he seemed constantly surrounded by women. Likely that was not something he minded, but I wondered if he did not feel the need for some male bonding ever.

"I'm beginning to grow concerned with the friends Reito keeps." I commented lightly, to change the subject.

"I imagine there is one particularly troubling individual." He glanced at me and I raised an eyebrow at him in amusement.

"Should you not be out, 'running with the boys?' as they say?"

"I can find no fault in spending an evening with beautiful women."

I smiled. "Even with more than half of those women likelier to fall into each other's arms?"

"I would be hard pressed to complain about that." I laughed softly which drew a similar reaction from him. I could not reprimand for such a comment when I myself agreed.

We were welcomed into their cozy home with the same open arms we always had been. Midori-han and Yohko had already opened a bottle of wine before we arrived, but it seemed as though they were both sipping. The redheaded woman was wearing some sort of visor and shuffling a deck of cards. I was mildly concerned.

"I hope you came prepared Kanzaki, no kids tonight. There's a 2000 Yen in for the 'Let's See Who Has the Ultimate Pokerface, Ultimate Poker Showdown'." She commented. We both smiled at her, but there was a touch of confusion on our faces. I had played the game once or twice, but never with any seriousness.

"I was under the impression this was a dinner party Chie-san?" Reito said, voice full of mirth as he helped me out of my jacket.

She smirked. "It was going to be."

"It _is_ going to be. I didn't cook all of this to have my kitchen table covered in plastic circles and playing cards." Aoi commented with a slight pout, looking adorable in an apron.

"Okay, dinner first!" The redhead had the good sense to remove her silly hat and start cleaning up. Everything was quite delicious, the conversation was light, Chie sharing this and that from her seemingly endless pool of gossip.

"So I hear your new fellow is a handful…"

"She is quite capable. That is more important." He answered diplomatically.

"I don't get what all the fuss over her is about anyway. She doesn't want to be friends with everyone… so what? I don't either." Yohko threw in. It was not unexpected for her to feel that way. The brunette nurse was one of the fairest and least judgmental people I knew. She liked most everyone the same amount… well enough… with the exception of friends (among whom I was happy to be counted).

"It's just that you are a little more…"

She gave him a look of dangerous amusement. Hazel eyes twinkled as they bounced between her friend and Reito, eagerly awaiting his answer.

"Affable." He settled on.

"God, what a boring word. I'm tame, you mean?" Reito grinned at her correction and I saw something of a laugh in the purple eyes of the woman across from me.

"Tamer than Kuga-han yes, but I would not say that you are tame." My comment drew a few laughs and Yohko gave me an entertained look as she sat back in her chair.

"Okay Shizuru, what would yousay?" She asked, arching an eyebrow.

I paused as if deep in thought. There were too many adjectives that came to mind. "I couldn't begin to describe Yohko... I'm afraid I wouldn't do her justice." I gave her a smile and she flicked her hand at me.

"Don't worry Shizuru-san, she probably won't bite, she's half-tame." Midori-han said through a laugh and I smiled. What a motley little group we made.

"That would also mean she's half-wild." Reito chimed in.

"So Yohko's pretty much housecat." The redhead was beside herself at Chie's description and I had to admit it was amusing. The woman in question did not seem overly impressed by it, though she took it in stride… as was wont to do with nearly everything. "But this Kuga-san is what… feral?" The black-haired woman asked.

_A puppy in need of taming_ my mind corrected. I felt a tiny bit of heat on my neck as the image of Natsuki's beautiful eyes came to my mind. My colleagues were not helping the situation with their twitching lips and sideways glances. I took another drink from my glass.

"What is that face they're making Shizuru?" Chie said laughing.

"Perhaps they've had too much wine." I gave Reito a warning look, which seemed to only widen his smile.

The nurse stared at me from across the table. "You are not getting out of this one."

"Honestly, you two. Yes I like Natsuki, I suppose I find her… interesting." I said as if it were a curiosity that they were pushing the subject.

"Natsuki? Hmm." She rehashed. "I didn't mean to interrupt...you were saying you're interested in this woman… "

I gazed at her, smiling. "Chie is turning my words around on me."

She smirked. "Just interpreting as I go."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute… are you a lesbian too Shizuru-san?" Midori-han asked. The nurse beside her nearly spit up her wine. Chie and Aoi stared at her and then at one another. My eyes widened a bit and I blinked against my surprise. It may have been the first time someone actually said the word out loud to me. It was both true and unfamiliar to my ears. "But I thought you and Reito-san were at least…" She made some sort of bizarre gesture with her hand that I guessed was intended to represent intercourse. I felt my head tilt and it was his turn to choke on the shock of it.

"Come now Reito, is it truly such an unappealing a thought?" I joked quietly, patting his cheek. He tapped his chest lightly, eyeing me as though he no longer recognized me, his ears pinking for the first time since we'd known each other.

"Oh! I get it!" An epiphany as the woman stared at the two of us, "He's a _**lesbro!"**_

I felt myself blinking as my mind swam around the term. _Lesbro_? It sounded like an English word, but I had no idea as to its meaning.

"Hmm?"

"_**Lesbro?" **_Aoi repeated, as perplexed as I was.

"Lesbian plus brother, it's a guy who's friends with a bunch of lesbians. A _**lesbro."**_ Midori-han defended, her eyes jumping around in search of affirmation, her face clearly stating that she knew about this sort of thing, that she could participate in a discussion on such topics.

I glanced over at my now recovered dining companion, his expression indicating he was considering her pronouncement. Kanzaki Reito… _a __**lesbro**_… it was outlandish enough to be true. He was spending his Saturday rather uniquely.

"Alright so what's a straight woman who's friends with a bunch of lesbians?" Chie asked, smirking.

"Outnumbered." Midori-han answered with a grin, nudging Yohko. The nurse responded with a rather humorous expression that went unnoticed by her companion. I suppose that meant the redhead was completely unaware that her good friend had shared my bed on more than one occasion. It was a fascinating answer with quite a few possible interpretations, though the fact that she was joking about it this openly surprised me. I kept that to myself.

A change in subject was in order. "Aoi, please tell us how your classes are this year." The brunette spoke briefly of her own trials at the private high school where she taught art to 'gifted' teenagers who, from the sounds of it, took the subject rather seriously.

"There is one girl that stands out." She said thoughtfully.

"Is there?" Mischievous eyes danced above thin-framed glasses.

She turned toward the source of the comment, tapping the woman's arm reproachfully. "She's very talented. I gave them a semester long assignment… they have to create their own world in whatever medium they choose. She draws these anime characters. I mean she's given them back-stories and everything. Her style is just so interesting. I think she could actually make it, if she wanted to. "

It reminded me of the situation with Natsuki's sister… it was actually possible it was Natsuki's sister. "She doesn't want to?" Reito asked.

"I honestly think she has no idea how good she is."

"Is there any money in that, though?" Yohko interjected sensibly.

"It's not about money. It's about passion and following your heart! If she has a talent she should follow her dream!" Midori-han announced excitedly, strands of orange-red bouncing wildly.

"Is that what you did? Chased your dream all the way to Fuuka University, Adjunct Professor Sasaki?" The brunette nurse said, a smirk on her face as she took another bite of her dinner, eying her friend. "Or was it something else you were chasing?" She was no doubt referring to the much older professor of Paleontology Midori-han had married after what I understood to be a rather long engagement due to the travel involved in his work. They had two sons, the younger of whom was roughly Keiko's age. They both had inherited her red hair and mischievous brand of exuberance. Upon meeting me, they'd taken turns imparting more information concerning dinosaurs than I ever intended to learn. Every so often, at the most random and unpredictable moments, the word _Allosaurus _still floated across my mind, said with her older son's subtle lisp.

"That's not the point." Yohko laughed lightly at her friend's petulant response.

"Have you talked with her about the possibility?" I asked, interested.

"She's very shy about it, but I tried."

"Well what did she say?" Midori-han asked.

"She didn't say much. I think it embarrassed her more than anything, but she showed me a few more drawings. Still, you don't see that kind of skill too much. She gave me one actually… she was so cute about it, she left it on my desk with a note, while I was at lunch."

"She gave you one?" Chie asked, the most unusual little smile coming over her lips.

Aoi flushed lightly. "You make it sound so inappropriate." The woman in question grinned.

"Let's see it." Midori-han said. I sensed her reluctance.

"Perhaps after your, what was it? 'Let's see who has the Ultimate Pokerface, Ultimate Poker Showdown'?" I suggested.

"How did you remember all that?" The nurse commented, pouring herself another glass of wine.

It wasn't long before the visor was back on and the lights were theatrically dimmed. I watched in surprised amusement as what could only be described as a dramatic monologue began. "Welcome to the first of what could be an annual competition of skill in the art of bluffing, betting, and strategy. 2000 Yen buys your way in, but will help you no further as the stakes rise higher and higher, until only one, the best, stands to be crowned the winner of the 'Let's see who has the Ultimate Pokerface, Ultimate Poker Showdown'."

"I'm out." Yohko said as soon as the speech ended, grabbing the whole bottle of wine, her glass and tossing herself in an armchair. I suppose that was one way to end this.

"Yeah me too. Sorry, Midori." Aoi agreed, pulling her lover over to the couch. They soon settled against each other.

Her face was rather comical as we all slowly drifted into the living room. I beginning to feel slightly tipsy and so had stopped drinking. It had been said before that it was impossible to tell when I was drunk, even though I felt the effects of alcohol almost immediately. Reito was sober…as always, he had stopped after one drink.

"You never did say what interests you about that fellow." Chie reminded, her head resting back on Aoi's shoulder.

"That is true." I folded my hands in my lap after taking a seat on the floor, tucking my feet beneath me. It was difficult in the dress, but I felt most comfortable sitting low to the ground.

She laughed at my response. "How do you get her to talk Reito-san?"

"If you believe me capable of such a feat, I'm flattered." He laughed softly.

"Oh, she'll talk to anyone. " Yohko smirked. "Just not about herself, she'll quip circles around you before she'll let something personal slip." I suppose that was not unfair.

"It was not a question." I defended with a smile.

Suddenly a body with a pair of beaming hazel eyes threw itself down in front on me and my own opened a bit wider. "If that's the case…I'll ask the question. What about this fellow, Kuga-san, interests the calm and mysterious Fujino Shizuru?"

"Calm and mysterious..." I repeated, staring at them all as they watched me, anticipating my answer to the question. "I do not know." Collective groans met the response… such silliness.

"Textbook evasive answer!" Midori-han said, rolling her eyes playfully.

I gave a smile. "I have been interested since the first I saw of her, but I could not tell you why. I simply was." I received a searching gaze from across the room as glasses were pushed higher.

"I can understand that." Aoi said quietly, threading her fingers with those of her dark-haired blanket, placing a soft kiss on the crown of her head. They truly were too sweet with one another.

Yohko, on the other hand, seemed disappointed. "I would've put money on 'her eyes'"

"I would have as well." The man beside me agreed. I looked between the two of them mildly shocked, my lips pursing. "It seems we both would have lost."

"She has nice eyes?" Chie asked.

"They're beautiful, I'm sure many would say. An unusually intense green and all the more noticeable with her surgical mask on." The man said. I cocked my head at his answer.

"Would Reito say so?"

He smiled. "I believe we were discussing whether you would say so."

The small prick of jealousy I felt was not welcome. I had no claim on the woman, nor did I believe Reito had any true interest in her.

"Wait… Kuga Natsuki." Chie seemed to be deep in thought. "Aoi… that girl who was friends with Tate Yuuichi?" I looked on, confused.

"Oh my god, yeah… the green eyes! Wow, I totally forgot about her." The brunette was suddenly animated, and turned to the rest of us. "We went to high school with her. She skipped all the time though… barely anyone knew her."

"She became a surgeon… huh." The black-haired woman remarked. "That's kinda surprising." I wondered what she must have looked like back then.

"Mmm." Aoi agreed. "She was cute!" Chie shrugged and I smiled. Her tastes ran a bit sweeter. "A little rough around the edges though." The brunette added.

"Still is. Kuga-san scares the residents to death." Yohko tapped her fingernail against the glass of the bottle in her lap, as she spoke, swirling her wine glass in the other. _A rather practical, slightly sarcastic lush of a housecat_… and was this now going to become habit? Comparing women I was attracted to with pets? It must be the wine. That must be what had me wondering after another woman who was much more a puppy than a kitten… "I think Fujino may be the only one unaffected by the eyes." I was most certainly not unaffected by them. "Probably because she has the same problem."

"My eyes make the residents anxious as well?"

"Not in the same way." She responded with a grin.

"There's nothing wrong with her eyes… they're very pretty." The redhead on the floor observed as if she had never seen my face before, sending me a wide smile, which I returned happily. She was apparently a flatterer when she was a bit drunk…

"Ookini, Midori-han. Should you not be cautious with your compliments though? You are after all, outnumbered." I gave her a bright smile and she laughed, taking another sip of her wine.

"It's not about them being pretty." Yohko debated. "They're gorgeous, but... Kanzaki help me out…" _Gorgeous? _Really now?

It was possible I was being ganged up on. "I believe in a rare moment of insight, Armitage described the look quite well."

"So Reito also thinks my stare is 'indecent'? _Ikezu_." I feigned hurt.

"Indecent?" Chie said, looking deep in thought. "Hm. It's subtler than indecent."

One side of Yohko's mouth quirked in amusement as she made a gesture with her thumb and finger indicating just how close to indecent she thought it was. I clicked my tongue at her reproachfully and she grinned.

"Subtler than indecent… that's a lot of wiggle room." Midori-han said skeptically placing her wine down, lying on her back. I agreed…far too much wiggle room.

"Suggestive is a better word." Yohko studied my face and then added "those eyebrows too." I let myself fall into an expression of surprise, which drew a chuckle from the brunette woman.

"I believe Armitage's words were a 'look deep into my eyes and submit' stare. I suppose one could consider that both 'suggestive' and 'indecent'." Reito commented, refusing to be baited. As unnerving as being teased about all of this was, the atmosphere was relaxed and so very normal. It was strangely comforting to speak freely of such things, as if it were just an average conversation… it settled the unease that kept swelling over the past few weeks, soothed whatever had unseated itself inside me for a few peaceful moments.

"I suspect it's the very same stare Reito gives a certain shop owner whose pastries he finds so irresistible, no?" I asked with a smile, as all eyes turned on him, Chie's with particularly acute interest. Normalcy, of course, did not mean I intended to take it lying down.

**Digression #10: Kanzaki Reito  
****Date: October 18th, 2013... a Friday**

He checked his watch as he walked down the street, his charcoal gray cashmere sweater feeling unusually warm. To any who passed by, he would have appeared a well-dressed man enjoying a stroll, peaceful almost, perhaps on his way home from work. However, on this day Reito was not headed to the garage that kept their cars. He had a different destination in mind… the shop he'd been coming to her shop for two and half years now. His younger sister had left early to study for a test, which he was pleased about. Though it did seem his sister and Mai had forged a rather close friendship, sometimes he worried that her clinging drove the woman who'd so generously employed her insane. His sister, even if undeniably lovable, was quite the handful. In typical fashion though, Mai had never seemed to mind and responded to the attachment with the same unflappable optimism that made her so endearing.

Mikoto had always been a bit wild. She had grown up differently than he had. In fact, Reito had not even been aware of her until he was a teenager. He did not know how or why, but he was given up for adoption by parents he barely remembered. His recollections were patchy… mostly of his grandfather and a rickety house in some unknown, bucolic corner of the country. In the orphanage, he'd picked up on certain things quickly. He learned how to win people over, that smiles were incredibly persuasive, especially his. The attractive young orphan, whose handsome features and innate charm won a wealthy, but barren couple over when they'd visited, was soon adopted. They treated him well and loved him as a son. Truly they were wonderful people and he enjoyed all the perks that came with their status. He embraced being a Kanzaki…and he appreciated how fortunate he was in all of this, even if there was a lingering sense of abandonment beneath his happiness.

When Mikoto showed up on their doorstop some eight years ago, looking as undomesticated as she would turn out to be, it was nothing short of a shock. He would have been inclined to disbelieve her story of a grandfather that just before dying had told her of a brother and given her a necklace… but the piece of jewelry grappled and tugged at his shaded memory while she stared at him with glassy eyes that mirrored his own. She terrified his adopted parents and was difficult to manage, was unrefined and not versed in any social norms. The girl was childlike, naive, and too young for her age. Nonetheless, he'd persuaded them to allow her into the estate on Fuuka island in which he resided. Slowly, he calmed her, got to know her, began to understand her. He did his best to teach her a more acceptable way of interacting with others. Their situation reminded him a bit of a musical he vaguely recalled seeing in his childhood. His adopted mother had loved classic American movies and Audrey Hepburn, modeled herself after the woman to some degree. He vividly recalled watching them with her as a young boy on Friday evenings… how beautiful she looked with her dark hair done up a la _Breakfast at Tiffany's_, hand resting delicately on her chest, overcome by the more romantic scenes.

As he got to know Mikoto, he found it impossible not to care for her… to want to protect her. She could have been him had he not somehow ended up in that orphanage. She did make certain things difficult though… dating being one. She seemed to overwhelm some people she met, because she took to them so quickly, so intensely. It was a death knell for him when a woman did not respond well to his sister… and it sounded with disheartening frequency. Mai's acceptance of the girl had been a turning point in his developing feelings for her. What had started as sexual attraction, mild interest perhaps… had blossomed into a definite infatuation much to Shizuru's delight.

His friend had noticed almost immediately and had been subtly dropping hints ever since. Occasionally he wondered at the connection that he and the woman shared, how it was that they were able to keep so much from the world and so little from each other. The reasons did not matter one way or another he supposed, because at this point it simply was. At first he'd even been taken with the beautiful Anesthesiologist, perhaps because they were so similar and she was a gorgeous woman. Normally he would have been put off by her disinterest, but he had quickly noticed that the places her eyes wandered were the same places his did. It was fascinating to him to observe, to see what she was able to get away with because of her less threatening packaging.

Around her he never had more than one drink, never allowed himself to lose control, lest he say something foolish. He valued the friendship too much for that, understood the rarity of finding someone, man or woman, who understood him as she did. In addition, he was not overly fond of himself when he was intoxicated… he became something of a letch, almost uncouth…his subtleness and charm dissolving.

He'd never seen Shizuru drunk either… couldn't imagine it really. As close as they were, he'd also never witnessed Shizuru display more than a passing interest in someone, just flirtatiousness with no discernable intention of letting it deepen. She exuded a subtle magnetism that had people eating out of her hand with amusing speed. It seemed at times, at least to him, that her playfulness was merely a response to their adoration of her, not from any true feeling on her part. Emptiness was the word that came to him when he watched her sometimes, a word he felt guilty for associating with her. His friend was not empty, nor was she shallow… so the shift he saw when she teased people must have been deliberate. It was this deliberate emptiness that caused him worry on her behalf.

All of this made the sight of her succumbing to her own little crush, on his fellow of all people, something of a relief. Not that he blamed her for it... Kuga-san was exceptionally good looking and that was something he couldn't help but appreciate. However, the fact that the woman's aloofness and brash manner seemed to intrigue Shizuru further was unexpected. In fairness, he'd never met any of her prospects so he had little to judge her tastes by. Most encouraging of all was that in the looks and smiles he caught her giving Kuga-san, there was no emptiness, nothing hollow. It was solid and most definitely born of feeling.

Tabling his thoughts on Shizuru, he refocused. Today was a day that he intended to devote to resolving one of his own hang-ups so to speak. He followed the familiar curves of the sidewalk to a quaint shop where a redheaded woman was dragging chairs inside. Smiling, he hung his leather messenger bag on the small wrought iron fence that surrounded the modest outdoor patio occupying the storefront. With a smile he rolled up his sleeves, grabbing one himself and following her, unnoticed until both were set down.

Lifting his head, he gave a warm smile to the startled woman as she finally noticed him. "Good evening, Mai-san."

"Reito-san." She greeted, a small puff of air escaping her, as she nervously straightened her hair. With a nod he walked backed out, stacking the two chairs that remained. "I can do that! Really..."

"Please. Allow me." He said gently, carrying them in. With the slightest flush on her cheeks, she followed him in. She began cleaning off the tables and he walked behind the counter taking a rag and a spray bottle, as he had done a few times before. Quietly they finished washing the tables, each stealing glances at each other, neither catching the other.

"The shop looks wonderful." He commented. "I see you finished the display case."

She laughed nervously, untying the apron from around her waist and hanging it on the wall. Placing her hands on her hips, she surveyed the room. He silently put both towels and the cleaner away, rinsing his hands. "Yeah... it looks a little more professional I think." She turned back to the man who was adjusting his sleeves.

"I trust everything is working out with Mikoto?"

A warm smile crossed her face, and she adjusted her hair. "She's such a big help."

"How nice to hear."

"I'd offer you something to eat, but I've already closed everything up." She smiled anxiously, hand in her red hair.

"Ah. The thought is appreciated." He said quietly, but still with the same calm tone he always used. It was quite convincing and revealed nothing of the twisting inside his stomach. "Pardon me for my forwardness, but are you seeing anyone currently?"

Her eyes widened, a small frown crossed her lips. "That was a little forward." She mumbled, eying him. It was misstep, but he would not give up quite yet.

"I meant no disrespect Mai-san, but I ask because I wanted to know if you would you be willing to join me for dinner."

"Tonight?" She asked, feeling shocked and stupid.

His smile never faded. "If you'd like."

"No…well no, not 'no'…" She was embarrassed and flattered. "Yes… I would but..." He looked on, waiting patiently for her to finish. "There are some things I should probably take care here … and I'm kind of a mess right now." A quick glance was thrown toward her clothes.

"Mai-san...I can assure you're anything but. It would be my pleasure to accompany you to dinner." He looked meaningfully at her, his tone gentle "You take such excellent care of everyone else, perhaps you should let someone take care of you for an evening?"

Her eyes met his and she paused, blushing prettily, while he focused on remaining even, relaxed. With a sudden enthusiasm, her lips curled upward. "Okay. Let me just grab my purse."

With a more genuine smile replacing the one he so often wore, he stepped back outside, slinging his bag over his shoulder with a new lightness and waiting for her to join him.

**Aside #10: The HiME Project **_(Background)_

Kuga Saeko had first encountered the HiME gene on a trip to Micronesia. Rumors of a Matriarchal tribe whose women experienced unusual longevity and little sickness drew her college professor to the island, accompanied by several of his brightest grad students. It required blood samples, which she took and interviews with the woman via a translator. She was meticulous in her collections, in her records, and in her observations. History upon history revealed that the women were routinely living to over 100 years of age, many with teeth in tact and no signs of disease. The men of the tribe showed no such longevity and were ordinary in every other respect. Immediately she realized if this was genetic, it required the presence of two copies to express, that they would have to be located exclusively on X chromosomes to manifest only in the women. Her mind began planning for it already. She took samples of the staple foods in their diet for analysis along with dietary records for five of the longest-lived women in the village to cover all her bases. The women were also remarkable healers and used a wide variety of local plants for various medicinal purposes. She prepared samples of all of those as well.

They happened to arrive in time for one of the most important rites within the tribe's culture. Their leader, at the age of 99, was dying. The new leader was selected through some sort of ceremony, which they were preparing for. The word for it was translated roughly as 'carnival'. Twelve of the strongest warriors were selected from the younger women and trained to fight one another for supremacy. She found the entire concept disturbing especially when it was explained that the losers were not killed, instead their families were and any future offspring. This way, only the strongest warriors continued the tribe. Nonetheless, what they saw of this carnival amazed them, impressed them. The healing abilities of the women, their strength, it was almost superhuman…beautiful despite the brutality of it. The winner would become the 'princess' until the leader died, when she would become queen.

Saeko spent the next two years preparing and sending out the samples of local plants and dietary specimens from Micronesia. All analyses indicated that they were from fairly common species, nothing unique. The excitement she felt in that moment, reading the last of the reports on the dietary samples, was unparalleled. It meant that the healing, the lack of disease, the strength, was more than likely genetic in origin. The real work started as she began to process the 117 blood samples she'd collected. It took years, graduate school and some post-doc work, to isolate the gene and make it express. She called it HiME, an acronym based upon its molecular components and a play on words. One of her lab assistants, Sakomizu, had come up with the name. Once experimentation began, it became clear that the gene produced some anti-oxidizing effects, which pointed immediately to its potential as a tumor suppressant or perhaps an anti-carcinogenic. Either way… it would be a breakthrough if they could find a way to introduce it, to control it.

Early results were concerning. The first introduction given via injections of DNA strands containing the gene and had very low success rates. In addition, in very rare cases, it seemed to be absorbed selectively by the tumor itself, causing malignant growth to accelerate and become unresponsive to treatment. An entire test group of mice fell victim to this when they tweaked the serum, becoming so riddled with tumor that they were rendered immobile before they died…before the nutrient and blood-robbing tumors starved them to death. Saeko had considered abandoning the project in the frightening aftermath of this, in fact it shook one of her assistants so badly he quit a month later. It was possible that the gene was causing heightened aggression as well, but she could not determine whether the squabbles among the mice were due to irritability resultant of their sickness or an actual effect of the gene itself.

She began to consider taking a different route with it, trying to come at it from an angle of prevention rather than treatment. It came to her when the she attempted to induce cancer in some of the mice previously used in the control group. Her success rates with it were pitiful. This unexpected finding was the most promising result of the HiME experiments yet, but it would be an extraordinarily hard sell to Iwasaka… she knew that. Some more adjustments to the introduction mechanism, a switch to a viral vector rather than naked DNA, seemed to curb but not prevent the most concerning side affects. It was during this time that Homura Nagi came on board to replace her second assistant.


	11. More Songs, Aoi, and the Room

**The Messiness of Life  
**By Victoria G.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters in this story, characters are property of Sunrise. Occasional dialogue borrowed from English sub of Mai HiME, Natsuki No Prelude, and Mai Otome.  
**Fandom:** A mix of Mai HiME and Mai Otome characters, AU  
**Rating** M. I suppose that I should warn, this story contains various adult themes.  
**A/N:** For the sake of clarification, I wanted to reword a note from the first chapter. This story will follow one format throughout. Each chapter will contain a Narrative (Shizuru's POV), a Digression (a separate character for each chapter), and an Aside (Information not vital to understanding Shizuru's position in any given chapter, but related to the story). This will not change. Lastly, thanks to those who have reviewed this fanfiction, most especially those who have provided constructive or positive reviews. They do provide sorely needed motivation.  
**Reminder**: Text in bold and italics is spoken English, everything else is Japanese.

**Narrative #11: More Songs for a Sketch**  
**Date: November 26****th****, 2013 … a Tuesday**

Today I had given her book back with a few of my own words and phrases spelled phonetically and then written in Japanese on a page tucked inside. I'd not written them in, as I did not know whether it would upset her format to have phrases or if it mattered whether they were written in her hand. She was quite excited about each of the three, so it would seem I'd done well.

_"Koi no yoken _(JAPANESE) – the feeling that future love is inevitable  
_Komorebi _(JAPANESE)– dappled light effect of sunlight through trees  
_Yoko meshi _(JAPANESE) – peculiar stress induced by speaking a foreign language"

Afterward, I played another of the pieces that lay etched in my memory for her as we waited in the lobby. The girl had come closer this time, waiting only a few feet away, a light blush on her cheeks for the duration of the piece.

"How do you remember all that?" She said, when I finished.

I smiled at her, taking a seat across from her. "I have practiced it so many times, my fingers remember it for me."

She was clearly mulling something over in her head, quirking her lips as she considered whatever it was. There were not many physical traits in common between Alyssa and Natsuki, perhaps their build was similar… on the taller side, Alyssa most especially, with a lean muscularity… but I wondered at the differences. "Your Japanese is different."

I nodded, smiling at her. "I am from Kyoto originally. Is understanding me more difficult for you?"

"Maybe a little, but I can usually figure it out. Besides, I could use the practice."

"You speak it well already."

She blushed lightly. They did both have that delightful little trait. "Um…thanks!"

"Your sister tells me you just moved here."

She nodded. "From England… a few months ago."

I watched her curiously, the way she fidgeted with the tail of her shirt. Did I make her nervous or was this strictly the shyness Natsuki spoke of? "Are you enjoying Japan?"

"Yeah! It's totally different." From her tone, I could not tell how she meant 'different'. "I dunno… people know my dad over there and I just wanted to be more… "

Interesting that she already trusted me enough to say such things, though our previous conversations had also been rather comfortable. "Alyssa wished to be inconspicuous perhaps?"

A strange smile crossed her lips. "That's it exactly."

"And it is better?" I asked. "Being inconspicuous?"

"I think so. I mean I still stand out." She eyed a bit of blonde hair that had fallen in front of her face. "I don't know. I want to do something that… " She struggled with finding her words. "That's mine, I guess. Because I did it, created it… on my own." Such ambition in so young a girl.

"That is admirable."

"You don't think it's…"

I looked at her curiously. "Think that it's what?"

There was another beat of silence while she thought. "_**Egotistical**_?"

I smiled at her, what a choice of words. "Because you're indulging the desire to create something that is yours alone?" She nodded. I suppose that was a question worth considering, but in her case I was sure of the answer. "No. I don't. Speaking of which, do you not owe me another drawing?"

"Oh! Um… just one, right?"

"Yes. Just one." I waited as she flipped through her sketchbook, coming to a decision. I looked at the drawing she had handed me and was shocked to see another face I recognized. It was the face of our bartender or rather several faces. There were nearly seven individual sketches each with a different expression, each emotion wonderfully recognizable. The one in which she was weeping struck me as amusing. It was in the same anime style as the image of Natsuki and the image of a girl I did not recognize from the time before. The last of the images depicted Nao-han standing, a metallic claw fit over her hand, covering half her face...such a fitting weapon. I noted that she was drawn wearing a school uniform. I supposed it was safe to assume she did indeed know the bartender, which made sense given Natsuki seemed to know her as well.

I smiled. "They are wonderfully done."

"Thanks."

"Natsuki tells me you sing?"

"Um… I do… I used to sing a lot more. I'm trying to get back into it, I guess."

I gazed at her. "Can I ask what stopped you?"

She pinked slightly. "It's a little embarrassing, but I used to sing for my nanny when I was little. When she left… I just stopped. I think I started to miss it."

"Do you find that you enjoy still?"

"Yeah. I'm definitely nervous… but singing reminds me of her."

I smiled at her. "Playing brings back memories of my piano instructor."

She gave me a toothy grin. "I tried singing in this talent exhibition at school two weeks ago."

"And it went well?"

"I didn't throw up so that's good." She rubbed at her arm and then looked up at me. "Sorry, that was gross."

She was a bit strange, but in a way I very much enjoyed. "If Alyssa's singing is anything like her drawing, it must have been wonderful." A light flush came at the compliment. "I would like to hear you some time."

She gave me a doubtful glance. "You would?"

"I would. So does Alyssa have any other hidden talents?"

"Nope. What about you?"

I gazed at her, resting my folded hands on my lap. "Nothing noteworthy."

It did not appear that she believed me. "I think you're being modest."

My eyebrow arched at her and she had a moment of boldness were she grinned at me. I rewarded it with a bit of honesty. "My mother's side of the family practiced Naginatajutsu. I've taken lessons since I was young and am reasonably proficient at it."

"What's Naginatajutsu?"

"The practice of and forms associated with the use of a Naginata, is Alyssa familiar with the weapon?"

She shook her head. "No."

"It is a curved sword mounted atop a pole. Traditionally, they were a weapon used by samurais and their wives in defense of their homes. The women on my mother's side have practiced it for generations."

"Wow… could you kill someone?" I laughed softly because she was serious. What an unusual follow-up question. She flushed, but smiled self-consciously. "Sorry…"

"Do not be sorry, you've no reason to be." I tapped the top of her hand and she smiled at me sheepishly.

"Do you still do it?"

"Coincidentally I just resumed the practice after several years." In one of the boxes my father left was a Naginata I recognized as belonging to my mother. How it got mixed in among his collection was impossible to know. "What does Natsuki say about your sketches? She must be quite proud." I handed her back the spiral-bound book, which she placed on her lap.

Over her shoulder I could see the other woman approaching with her usual seriousness, lovely green eyes fixed on us. We'd taken to talking to one another briefly in the hall, and exchanging smiles, hers smaller than mine. She'd even started initiating conversation, was much less skittish… we'd turned a corner I hoped. Curiously enough I would often see her having lunch with Sakomizu-han. His rather distinctive hair was readily recognizable even from a distance. It looked so strange when coupled with his comparatively small body.

She stared down at her feet. "I haven't shown her any of them…she's pretty busy…"

"Hey, Shi…_** is that… Nao**_?" Her raven colored head cocked sideways taking in the page with fascination.

The young blonde nearly jumped out of her seat, snapping the notebook closed and spinning. I covered my smirk with my hand as she turned in the chair and stabbed her finger into the woman's chest. Natsuki shuffled back, adorably wide-eyed. _**"Don't **__**creep up on me!**__**"**_ That huff, the puppy-like growl…they were sisters after all.

"_**So… what's with the **__**cartoon**_?" She asked, scratching at her neck, clearly knocked off kilter by the angry reaction.

"_**N**__**othing, it's for art class.**_"

"_**But…**_"

"_**I**__**t's crap, Nat. Leave it!**_" I was amused to see the girl's proverbial teeth come out and she had been so polite up to this point.

"_**Okay…relax.**_" The young doctor raised her hands in a gesture of peace, but her lip curled in annoyance.

"I do not think you should malign your talent like that. They're very good." Eyes like forests met mine, hurt hiding inside them and I wondered if perhaps Reito and Yohko were correct, if those emerald pools were what captured me so. The younger woman looked at me as though I were betraying some confidence between us. It may have been true. She stated she'd shown none of her drawings to Natsuki… perhaps our trades had been a secret to her. I had wounded them both. _Two chins to scratch._ "The ability to produce things of beauty should not be hidden, most especially from those who are close to us. It's a gift."

I watched as mirrored blushes colored their cheeks, and I could not help the bright smile on my face as I gathered my things to leave. The both of them together, red-faced and gazing at me… it was a bit much, and I closed my eyes.

"Fujino-san…" The girl said.

"It is alright for you to call me Shizuru."

"Shizuru-san." It was the first time I'd heard Alyssa speak my name and it was quite different with her accent, the 'u's much more pronounced.

"Yes?"

"Thanks, for my book."

"You're welcome, Alyssa." The earnestness in her blue eyes made me smile.

Natsuki slowly came around the chairs, leaning against the empty seat next to her sister, watching the girl out of the corner of her eye for a moment, before turning to look at me. "…I still owe you a meal." She said flatly.

I had never met a person who walked so blindly into verbal set-ups before. "Natsuki is asking me out tonight? I accept."

The younger woman smirked and the older frowned. "No, I'm not."

"Ikezu." Her cheeks were a soft pink as she glared. "Perhaps Alyssa would care to accompany me to dinner then?"I asked lightly.

"_**Love to!**_" I felt my eyes widen the smallest amount. I had not anticipated that reaction, but that accent was truly adorable. A smile covered my face and I flicked my eyes toward her sister.

"It appears I have a date then, if you'll excuse us." The young woman glanced shyly at me, clearly enjoying the joke.

"Like hell you do, Shizuru." Natsuki countered lowly, with a rather sexy little half-smirk, eyes narrowed …that mouth was a bit dangerous. Perhaps I'd gone too far. Her phone suddenly went off, interrupting our exchange. Irritated, she pulled it from her bag and stared at it, with a sudden, disbelieving expression.

"Are you on call this evening?" I asked, curious.

"…no." Her tone was strange and distant as her eyes flicked to the door.

Alyssa seemed to notice the change as well. "_**Nat?**_"

I watched as a man with short brown hair walked into the building, his hands shoved in his pockets. They stared at each other and I felt uneasy. She was looking at him as if he were a ghost. I would not have guessed that this was her boyfriend or husband, though the possibility scratched at me with an intensity that I found distracting. Ours was a budding friendship. She would be perfectly within bounds to carry-on with whoever she chose. It was foolish of me to need reminding in the first place. With some hesitation, Natsuki's sister waved at him and he returned it with a guilty expression.

The blonde girl looked at her sister, concerned and touched her arm in gesture of reassurance, much the way I was wanting to, if only to remove that terrible haunted expression.

"_**Go, it's fine. The buses are still on**__**.**_" I had no issue with driving the girl home myself, but I wondered if the offer would be seen as too intrusive.

That seemed to break whatever spell held her, and she shot the girl an alarmed look. "_**No way, there's too many weirdos on the bus at this hour.**_"

Considering my options, I decided to try it. "I would be happy to drop Alyssa off somewhere."

"It's probably way out of your way." She rubbed at the back of her neck, looking worriedly between us and that man.

"I wouldn't mind." I said. In truth, I wanted to leave because whatever was to happen between them I had no desire to see it.

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow in the most endearing expression of sisterly concern I'd ever witnessed.

Alyssa took her hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. "_**I'll be fine Nat**__**.**__** Talk with him.**_"

A stern look suddenly crossed her face as she slung her satchel over her shoulder. "_**T**__**ext me when you get home.**_"

She got a quick nod, then Natsuki turned to me, green eyes somehow deeper. I fought the urge to look away as my breath caught. "Shizuru… thanks for this, you didn't have to."

"It's no trouble. " I answered giving her my best smile, letting my eyes close for a moment to collect myself. Her audible sigh called my gaze as she walked toward the door, toward whoever the man was to her, looking much like she was marching off to her death. It was troubling to watch.

"Shizuru-san?"

I turned to see the young woman across from me. "Hmm?"

Crossing my arms over my knee, positioning myself so it was impossible to see Natsuki and the man as they walked away and I quirked a brow at her. She pulled at her earlobe, glancing up shyly. "Thanks for offering."

"Of course."

"You really don't have to drive me home if it is out of the way. I'll take the bus and tell Nat you drove me."

I smirked at her, how devious. "I am afraid I've made a promise, so I must keep it. Shall we?" She nodded, smiling.

We walked toward the elevators that lead to the parking garage. I felt silly for being relieved that I could no longer catch their retreating forms in my field of vision. What right did I have to even be thinking of her…

A light touch on my arm surprised me. "Um…which floor?"

With a smile I pressed the correct level. "Alyssa must think I am rude. She seems to catch me at my most distracted. I'm either ignoring her or nearly trampling her."

She grinned, shaking her head. "That's not true."

I nodded. "I'm pleased you think so."

"Shizuru-san?"

"Hmm?"

She kicked at the ground, apparently losing her nerve to say whatever it was she wanted to. "That guy…" I looked straight ahead, freezing my face in a smile, attempting to swallow the lump in my throat. "He used to be her best friend, and then her boyfriend, but they broke up." She said incredibly quietly.

"Why would Alyssa tell me such a thing, I wonder?" I teased only to calm the pounding of my own heart, watching as she turned red and then a funny sort of determined look crossed her face. We walked together through the silent structure, our footsteps echoing in the emptiness.

She seemed as though she were trying to force something out. "You seemed worried, maybe because Nat looked so worried… she knows him though, she'll be fine with him is what I'm saying, it's just they haven't talked in a year. Never mind…sorry… that was a stupid thing to say." A hand ran agitatedly through her hair and I looked at her, gentling my eyes. A year… I wondered why that was…

"It is sweet of you to be concerned." I corrected and then stopped. "This would be my car."

"HA! This?" I was shocked as a shaking hand stroked along the silver hood. It was the first week I'd taken the vehicle my father had left me.

I blinked. "Does Alyssa like cars?"

"This isn't just a car…it's a Vanquish right? Oh my gosh…it's gorgeous." The teenager was actually caressing my headlamp and gazing at the machine with the most obvious look of longing I'd ever seen. She touched her lips with the fingertips of her opposite hand, as she walked the perimeter. I felt as if I was intruding on some intimate moment. I attempted to relax my eyebrows as they were well on their way to my hairline.

"You should take us." I blinked again, pushing my surprise away as I walked up and she whipped her head toward me as I held out the keys.

"…I… there's…no way, I couldn't."

I smiled at her look of absolute shock. "You've driven a manual before?"

"Yeah… but, Shizuru-san… this car…"

"Alyssa knows more about the vehicle than I do. I think that makes her suitably qualified." I said dropping the metallic objects into her hand, patting her cheek, and walking toward the passenger door.

She stared at the keys, motionless for a moment, before she trotted over and climbed in as if the entire machine were made of glass. Reverently, she settled her hands on the steering wheel.

"I mean…are you sure that you're sure?"

"I am sure that I'm sure."

She grinned lopsidedly at me as she started the engine, its power immediately apparent. As she pulled out, I wondered if I was in for a repeat of my trips with Midori-han and Yohko. I had ridden with both of them before and was not certain that my internal organs had ever fallen back into their proper arrangement. Thankfully Alyssa was a careful driver.

"This is so amazing!" She said excitedly, nearly bouncing in her seat, as we drove on the highway at a modest speed. I wished I enjoyed this car anywhere near as much as she did. "… I'm sorry if I said too much before."

I smiled at her. "Don't be silly. Was that all you wished to say?"

"Oh." She was apparently still ashamed of it. "Yeah, that was it."

"Your cheeks seem to say otherwise." A frown took her lips as the pink darkened and she threw me a quick pretend glare. Sisters…

"It's just… Nat isn't…" I dearly hoped this conversation wasn't going where it appeared to be going. "Like other people." She settled on.

I glanced at her, smiling. "I would agree. That is a good thing though, is it not?"

She bit her lip as she thought, looking embarrassed. "… she seems kind of rough sometimes but she doesn't mean anything by it. She's a good person."

I could hear what she was truly saying in the tone of her voice. _Please don't hate my sister. _"You don't need to apologize for Natsuki. I enjoy her company." I also find her to be distractingly beautiful, and absolutely intriguing but that was better left unsaid and unconsidered… especially with the news of a re-emerging ex-boyfriend.

She gave me a quick glance, perhaps to assure herself of my seriousness. "Good. That's good." I peered over at her questioningly. "…Shizuru-san…so you know… sometimes she doesn't notice subtle stuff. She's kinda stubborn and you have to just say things to her. Alright, sorry, I'm done. I promise."

I was somewhat unsure what to do with that information, but it was useful and I thought I understood the intention behind it. In a way it was quite sweet, though misplaced. "Ookini, Alyssa."

**Digression #11: Senoh Aoi  
****Date: November 13, 2013****… a Thursday**

Aoi was resting her back against the far wall of the auditorium, tilted at a very particular angle, one that was designed to obscure the position of a hand. She was watching Akane and her Kazu-kun, waffling over whether or not to ask them to separate. Her struggle resulted from the fact that technically speaking, as a member of the faculty, she should probably say something, but personally speaking, she didn't care in the least. They were seventeen, they were 'in love', and she had Chie's hand rubbing and wonderfully warm on the small of her back.

"Who're the love birds?" The dark-haired woman whispered to her.

"One is a student of mine, Akane…" She said, adjusting her white cardigan. "And the other is her boyfriend."

"I would hope so." A laugh… it didn't happen all that often. Not that her lover was morose or anything of the sort, but she was more one to smile or grin. That laugh though, it was soft and low and rich and made Aoi smile each time she heard it. "Should you do something?"

"Probably." She conceded with a smirk. "But the show is about to start." A person entering the auditorium caught her attention and she dropped her voice to a whisper. "Oh! Oh! That's her!"

"Who?"

"The Scowler." Aoi added, her eyes acquiring the very specific twinkle that they did when she was excited. "The one I told you about." The two of them had a habit of nicknaming strangers when people watching. 'The Scowler' was a woman who had come to a few of the school events, really only the talent exhibitions put on by the art department. She was a woman always just shy of being late, who walked quickly, and frowned oftened as she was currently demonstrating. "Right there, that's it!" She indicated the woman's current expression, the origin of the name.

"It's a deep one." Chie admitted, glancing sidelong at the girl. Keiko, who had been clutching at Aoi's cropped pants looked over as well, but with a much higher degree of obviousness. "Hey, slap some blue hair and a few more piercings on her…"

"Wow… it is her, isn't it?"

"I think so. She looks so different. You're right by the way, she's kinda cute."

"Watch …she's gonna cross her arms, throw herself against the wall, and look like she doesn't want to be here." As if on cue, the woman did just that, adopting a look of one put-upon. Aoi touched the dark-haired woman's elbow. "Hmm. I wonder why she comes?"

"She must be here for someone." Was the response.

"I don't know who, though. There's no student named Kuga I can think of." Aoi informed her companion as she twined her hand with her daughter's. "See if you can tell Chie-chan."

There was a nod coupled with that speculative gaze, the one that made the brunette want to climb right into her lover's lap. In the near darkness, the pair watched the woman in the subtle way they'd perfected over the years. Aoi played idly with the braid in Keiko's hair, Keiko chewed at the skin of her thumb, and Chie continued to rub Aoi's back. It was a subtle touch, done almost absently, a habit that had developed after their little scare six years ago. The teacher wondered if her lover even realized she did it…she had yet to mention it because that hand, that touch… it pulled her through everything. It was always there, the moment some thought came to her. When she began to wonder about silly things… brief thoughts about what she might have done differently during her pregnancy…if maybe she hadn't had that glass of wine, if she hadn't slept on her side so much. They were the things that could drive you insane, eat you alive if you let them, and all it took was that hand of her back, her leg, her face to stop them.

She could still remember the first time she felt them on her body in a way that was anything more than friendly. It was in the girl's bathroom in high school, not very romantic but she still cherished the memory. She remembered trying to stop staring at her friend's mouth…remembered wanting to kiss it, how confusing it was at first even though from the moment she first saw Chie, there was an indefinable feeling that never left, only grew. After a month, she couldn't stand it anymore, left her a note to meet her in the bathroom, no explanation. Chie had been right on time, as usual, and looked at her with those beautiful eyes, questioning, framed perfectly in her glasses. Aoi knew she probably appeared as nervous as she felt, her hands were shaking so badly.

At the time she'd only kissed a few boys… she didn't really have a clue how to do what she wanted to. For lack of a better plan, she just pressed her lips to Chie's…quickly…suddenly… pulled back almost in a wince to see the dark-haired woman's mouth form an 'o', her eyebrows rise. The brunette remembered wanting the earth to open up and swallow her for a split second, remembered trying to brush past the other girl, but those hands, always gentle, had stopped her. Then… she had been kissed back. Those hands had fallen to her waist, resting on her hips, their warmth obvious even through her school jacket.

Lost in the sweet memory, she smiled at nothing twirling the silver band on her ring finger... thinking on its inscription...one that Chie had chosen..._ Koi no Yoken_. She was embarrassed and happy when her lover's watchful eyes brought the gesture to her attention. Aoi noticed that bright blue eyes were gazing at her curiously as well and she sent her daughter a cheerful grin. She made a concerted effort to keep from dwelling on what had happened with her pregnancy. The end result was more important. She'd been okay, Keiko was here, climbing into a chair just in front of her. It seemed impossible to her sometimes, when she tucked her daughter in at night, that Keiko had grown at all… that a person barely bigger than her hand had become just another six year old. It was a similar feeling to the one that overwhelmed her when she and Chie would take their daughter to the park, when she would see Keiko running around, jumping and skipping about as though she weren't a miracle. With a smile she glanced down at the hair that was the same color as her own, braided pigtails, a wide smile meeting hers… such a wonderful, contented little girl too. Her lover's eyes were still watching, as they nearly always were, in that gentle, admiring way.

Glancing over to the right quickly, she decided that Kuga Natsuki probably dwelled. She looked like a dweller. What else could explain such a tendency toward glowering? Her attention was stolen away again as the next act appeared.

"This is the girl I told you about." She whispered, referring to the one she'd referenced at a recent dinner party. The thin blonde had just walked out from behind the dark curtains and knelt on the stage attaching some sort of box to the microphone with several cords.

"I thought you said she was an artist?" Glasses were adjusted as dark eyes took in the tall, blonde teenager.

"She sings too. I've never heard her, but she was really nervous about it."

"Did she say why?"

"She said she hasn't sang in front of people since she was little."

"What's she doing?" They watched as she continued hooking up several cords and one of the theatre kids brought out a stool.

"No idea."

"'The Scowler' seems to be paying a bit more attention now." The words were whispered with a mischievousness that pulled a grin from the listener.

"She does, doesn't she?" All such played was stopped as the girl on stage, sat down, tapping the box with her foot. A rhythmic tapping sound began and then she opened her mouth singing a simple melody. Whatever she'd connected to the microphone looped the sound as the beat came around she sang other melody in harmony with the first. A stunned silence descended upon the audience as layer upon layer of vocals took the place of background music. It was followed by a voice that was pure and full, low for a girl her age, and wrapped itself around the listeners with an intensity that held them. The song even drew Akane and her Kazu-kun away from each other to listen to their friend sing. It was one of those experiences where two senses disagreed, where ears could not believe eyes… because it was incongruity, body and sound. The last strains faded with the first melody laid down, and one last tap hit.

There was a delayed response, a moment for recovery before the applause. "I didn't expect that." Chie said, around another of those rare laughs, this one born of surprise.

"Me neither." She agreed, peering over at the woman they'd been observing all night. Her mouth was turned up at one corner in a proud grin and her unusual green eyes were soft and shining. It occurred to Aoi that the woman jumped from cute to beautiful when she wasn't frowning. Such a quick change… guarded to emotional… she had to agree with Shizuru, the woman was interesting.

The rest of the show passed in something of a haze and 'the Scowler', though watching the acts, did not ever smile as she had before. Aoi watched as Chie picked up their tired daughter, the girl having curled up in a seat in front of them some ten minutes before. It was pretty late for her. The sight of Keiko and Chie together… it was one of Aoi's favorite things. They adored each other and it showed in every move they made, every word they spoke, and most especially in the smiles they shared.

"Senoh-sensei!" She and her lover both turned to see the blonde singer waving at them, the woman they'd been watching all night approaching a few steps behind, a fresh scowl in place.

"Alyssa. You were amazing! You didn't tell me you could sing like that!"

"Oh… yeah thanks!" A blush colored the girl's cheeks. "If you don't mind, I just wanted you to meet my sister… the one I'm staying with."

"I'd love to. Hi!"

A curt nod was thrown toward the brunette, who smiled politely back at the tense woman. "Kuga Natsuki." She introduced herself with a voice not all that dissimilar from Alyssa's, but with significantly less excitement in it.

Twin smiles broke out on the lips of both Aoi and Chie. The knowledge they already had of this woman was mixing with thrill of being right. "Kuga-san, it's so nice to meet you. Alyssa's told me about you…your sister is very talented." The younger woman smiled sheepishly at the compliment, a small grin slipping onto the older woman's face in response.

The exchange was observed with silent fascination "She is."

In the excitement, the six year old had stirred, yawning into the shoulder she had been leaning on. Chie placed her down. "Is that Keiko?" The blonde guessed. Like any proud mother, Aoi had spoken of her daughter frequently.

"It is!" Though it was not something she would usually do, Aoi decided to introduce her lover as just that…do a bit of experimentation on Shizuru's behalf. "This is Harada Chie and our daughter." Reactions could be very telling after all.

Alyssa smiled at the child, waving and totally unaffected. "Hi Keiko!" The child waved back, smiling.

'The Scowler' was another story. Her brow wrinkled and her eyes flipped back and forth between the two of them. She pushed her hands deep inside the pockets of her jacket and threw another stiff nod Chie's way, which her lover returned a bit more gently. "…nice to meet you both." It sounded neither sincere nor insincere.

Aoi realized she had absolutely no idea what that particular response meant. Did she recognize their names from high school? Did she recognize them? Was it the nature of their relationship?… it begged so many questions and answered none of them. Apparently, reactions could also tell you absolutely nothing. With a confused smile, she silently wished Shizuru good luck.

**Aside #11:** **The Room on the Left** _(Thought)_

Alyssa had tried to go to sleep several times but her eyes kept creeping back open, tracing the lines of the ceiling in the near darkness. She would check her phone, because she was waiting for her sister to get home. It had been a weird night. After she'd been dropped off, she settled in to watch an American movie Akira had given her... Nao had joined and stolen some of her pizza. The film was called _Mulholland Drive_ and she had no idea that it had those kinds of scenes in it. Apparently that coupled with her description of Shizuru-san during one of their lunches had convinced Nao that she was a closet homosexual. The redheaded woman had spent the night teasing her mercilessly over it. She had to explain that she wasn't gay... had tried to explain by asking Nao if she ever met a woman who was so attractive that she had no choice but to notice... the statement had only worsened her situation. The whole thing was as funny as it was annoying... funnier when she'd finally given up trying to explain, and jumped into Nao's lap, professing to be hopelessly in love her. It was the first time she had successfully flustered the older woman and she enjoyed it incredibly, even if it earned her a throw pillow to the head. Nao had said something interesting though... it was during their debate over the cited evidence of her alleged gayness... that Shizuru-san was a lesbian, 'an even bigger one than you' were the exact words.

Alyssa had considered the possibility after watching Shizuru-san tease her sister... but it made her think about what she'd said to her in the car and why. It was pretty clear that there was something different about the way Natsuki and the woman talked to each other. It wasn't like watching Natsuki with Mai, or Nao, or Tate even. There was a feeling, a desire in Alyssa that she couldn't quite explain, to see them become friends at least... which brought her thoughts back to Tate.

What was her sister doing out for so long? Were she and Tate still talking? Was she okay? Were they working things out? Were they fighting? Natsuki never talked about Tate or her feelings, even though the situation clearly bothered her. Honestly, she didn't know what to think.

She hadn't been worried until after eleven, until Nao went to bed. It wasn't until a little after midnight that she heard the car pull in. No motorcycle, it was too cold now. Even with her sister home, she still couldn't settle. Alyssa tried to fall asleep one more time, but woke only twenty minutes later. Giving in, she padded up the stairs from her basement bedroom to the darkened first floor and up to the second. There was a light on in the room on the left… the room the dark-haired woman always seemed to be in when she couldn't sleep, that she spent too many nights in since they started living together. Nao had told her the room belonged to Natsuki's mother.

Nervous, she peered around the doorway and saw her sister on the floor beside piles of files that almost resembled a wall. She was lying on her stomach, chin on one of her palms staring at the pages, her index finger curled and pressed against her lips. She'd hauled a file cabinet from the closet into the center of the room, had folders spread and stacked all over the floor, a notebook that she kept to jot things down in resting beneath her right hand. Duran was curled up against her side, resting peacefully, a tennis ball by his tail.

"_**H**__**iya**__**.**_" It was said softly.

Natsuki startled slightly and looked her way. "_**You should be in bed**__** Alyssa**__**.**_"

A smile that was almost a grin. "_**So should you.**_" She moved silently in her socks and laid next to her sister. "_**You don't sleep enough Nat, you must be absolutely knackered**__**.**_"

The comment was ignored. "_**Did Nao stay over?**_"

"_**S****he's in the guest room**__**.**_" She cocked her head. "_**HiME stuff is it?**_"

"_**Yeah**__**.**_"

She rested her head on folded arms. "_**I read the notes from Micronesia and a few of her papers**__**… had **__**to gen up on some things to understand it**__**.**_"

There was nothing but seriousness when Natsuki turned her head. "_**I t**__**old you not to bother. It's boring stuff**__**.**_"

She rolled her eyes at the predictable response. "_**Your mum was a brainiac.**_"

A bit of a smirk. "_**She was. I'm just trying to understand too…**_"

Her head cocked as she read the label on one of the folders. "_**What's this one? Implantation Trials?**_"

"_**I haven't looked at that.**_" The folder was handed over, she skimmed through it. "_**…**__**it's a study protocol**__**…**__** for a new PPD serum**__**…**_"A look of confusion flashed across the Natsuki's face as she read through the document.

"_**PPD?**_"

"_**It's a skin test for tuberculosis, you probably had it.**_" She tapped her forearm. "_**It's when they inj**__**ect that bubble under the skin on your arm, you have to go back so they can check it. I had to have one when I went to Oxford. We don't use it here though, they vaccinate in Japan… I come up positive. I don't know why that's in here…**_" She read the author's line below the title in a puzzled whisper. "_**Homura N.**_" A few photos tumbled from beneath the pages.

Alyssa looked at the pictures now in her sister's hands, a distinctive red rash on skin visible in each. It was a red dot surrounded by an oblong circle, the end of which tapered slightly… almost like a comet. "_**Rats**_**?**"

Natsuki's nose wrinkled instinctually, she was not overly fond of things that scurried or slithered. "_**…**__**hairless**_** ones.**"

"_**Ah!**_…_**their tails and tummies!**_" Alyssa peeked at the photos again, smiling and then regarded her sister carefully. She was curling her lip…apparently she wasn't nearly as taken with them. "_**Nat…**_"

Green eyes flicked her way quickly. "_**Wha**__**t?**_"

"_**You were out for quite a bit**__**.**_"

The folder and photographs were put down. There was a long stretch of silence where the woman's mouth twitched its way into a frown. "_**I went for a drive.**_"

Concerned blue eyes were steady. "_**You alright?**_"

She sighed heavily, keeping her gaze on the ground and poking at the floor. "_**Tate's... getting married.**_"

"_**Is that all what he wanted to say?"**_ She nodded sharply, not looking her way. It seemed a little off to Alyssa that after a year of not speaking, the man would find her only to tell her he was getting married. Tate wasn't malicious as far as she'd seen…maybe he had a reason, but she had no idea what it could be. She liked Tate, didn't want to assume the worst… but she didn't like that it bothered her sister. Biting her lip, she leaned her head over and rested it against a shoulder briefly, not sure what to say. The dark haired woman gave a half-smile to the top of the girl's head, tilting her own to rest against it, mulling something over.

"_**...i**__**f you draw anything else, show me. I'd like to see it**_."

The girl smiled to herself. "..._**s**__**ure. I will.**_"

Another silence descended and Natsuki tapped her pen on the pad of paper. "_**Alyssa**_" She adjusted her position and gave Natsuki her full attention. "_**Should I ******__ge_t Shizuru something?"

Watching her sister interestedly, she lifted her head. "_**Like a proper **__**'**__**thank you**__**'**_**_ gift_?**"

A scowl. "_**Never mind…it's a stupid idea.**_"

The girl smiled to herself. "_**I don't think it is**__**.**__** It was good of her to drive me**__**.**_" She decided she could wait until tomorrow to tell Natsuki that the woman let her drive herself home in the most expensive car she'd ever seen.

Her sister took her time in responding, her face twisted in an expression of deep thought. "_**… it was.**_"


End file.
